


Brohemian Rhapsody

by korns



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 65,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/korns/pseuds/korns
Summary: When Alluka moves in with Miss Mito and her rag-tag family of three (four, if you count the neighbor kid Zushi), Killua gets ahold of Gon's number for emergency purposes. They end up talking far more frequently than expected.A cute little slice-of-life summer suburbia texting fic feat. Delinquent Gon, Preppy Killua, and their ridiculous friends.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 419
Kudos: 1165





	1. New phone who dis

**Author's Note:**

> If you have difficulty with the color-contrast and are like "SHIT I wanna read this but why the fuck are they color coded" you can turn on "Hide Creator Styles" which is a button near where you bookmark. The bubbles don't show up on downloaded PDFs, either, and instead get replaced by preceding each message with their names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Inspired by a fic from another fandom AKA the best texting fic I've ever read](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7841764/chapters/17904055). I feel like I GOTTA credit it at this point.
> 
> I commissioned a [drawing by Teliivision](https://twitter.com/teliivision) of BroRhap Gon and Killua!!  
> 

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Last Saturday,** 7:02 AM  
  
**KILLUA:** Are you sure you’re gonna be okay living there?  
  
**KILLUA:** I got weird vibes from that place  
  
**ALLUKA:** RELAX  
  
**ALLUKA:** They aren't morning people  
  
**KILLUA:** No excuses  
  
**ALLUKA:** Knew you'd say that  
  
**KILLUA:** Whatever. Just text me if you feel uncomfortable or whatever and we can figure something else out.  
  
**KILLUA:** It's just for the summer.  
  
**ALLUKA:** I'm convinced that you're trying to reassure YOURSELF more than ME  
  
**KILLUA:** Shush. No words.  
  
**ALLUKA:** Only vibes. Got it. **KILLUA:** Alluka seriously  
  
**ALLUKA:** I KNOW I know  
  
**ALLUKA:** I'll call you if anything goes wrong  
  
**ALLUKA:** But seriously, I'm gonna be FINE. Miss Mito's super cool and I'll be getting rides from Kurapika.  
  
**KILLUA:** Whatever. Just give me one of their numbers  
  
**ALLUKA:** And why in the world would I do that  
  
**KILLUA:** For emergencies.  
  
**ALLUKA:** Oh yeah "EMERGENCIES"  
  
**KILLUA:** Fuck off, smartass  
  
**ALLUKA:** 😉 

**Last Saturday,** 7:15 AM  
  
**KILLUA:** Hey this is Alluka's brother Killua  
  
**KILLUA:** She gave me your number

**Last Saturday,** 7:48 AM  
  
**KILLUA:** Anyway just save my number in case anything goes wrong.

**Last Saturday,** 9:32 AM  
  
**KILLUA:**???  
  
**GON:** O hey sorry new phone who is this?  
  
**KILLUA:** I literally told you  
  
**GON:** O sorry super disoriented rn  
  
**GON:** Hang on  
  
**GON:** Where did I leave my phone?

**Last Saturday,** 9:40 AM  
  
**KILLUA:** Are you POSITIVE that you’re gonna be ok living there  
  
**ALLUKA:** GEEZ louise what'd Gon do  
  
**ALLUKA:** I thought FOR SURE he'd be a respectable gentleman. I'll give him a good smack for ya  
  


**Last Saturday,** 9:46 AM  
  
**GON:** HEY! Sorry! Yes, number saved, all is well!  
  
**KILLUA:** You're really setting standards there dude  
  
**GON:** YEAH Yeah Saturdays are somethin else lemme tell ya  
  
**GON:** Anyway you can COUNT ON ME! 😊👍   
  
**KILLUA:** Fucking better  
  


**Last Sunday,** 12:33 PM  
  
**GON:** HEY Inquiring about your ad in the newspaper. Thoroughly interested.  
  
**KILLUA:**???  
  
**GON:** O fuck sorry  
  
**GON:** I typed in the number and it auto-selected yours  
  
**KILLUA:** Didn't you add me to your contacts?  
  
**GON:** No I forgot who is this??  
  
**KILLUA:** Killua  
  
**KILLUA:** Alluka's brother?  
  
**GON:** O right sorry!  
  
**GON:** In my contacts now FOR SURE  
  
**KILLUA:** Ad in the newspaper?  
  
**KILLUA:** I didn't think anyone looked at those anymore  
  
**GON:** I keep them to look at the ads  
  
**KILLUA:** Ads for what  
  
**GON:** I'm glad you asked, good sir  
  
**KILLUA:** Also how old are you??  
  
**GON:** 16  
  
**KILLUA:** Oh  
  
**GON:** You?  
  
**KILLUA:** Same  
  
**GON:** Oh! But the ads!  
  
**GON:** Gettin a goat  
  
**KILLUA:** Is that... just a saying or...?  
  
**GON:** An actual honest to god heavens to betsy GOAT  
  
**GON:** It's gonna be so rad  
  
**KILLUA:** Oh.  
  


**Last Sunday,** 1:03 PM  
  
**KILLUA:** Are goats allowed in your neighborhood?  
  
**ALLUKA:** Christ he's talking about the goat isn't he  
  
**ALLUKA:** Why is he texting you??  
  


**Last Sunday,** 1:09 PM  
  
**GON:** Aah okay so here's the thing about Milkweed  
  
**GON:** The goat  
  
**GON:** Not allowed, but easily disguiseable and can be hid  
  
**KILLUA:** Milkweed??  
  
**KILLUA:** You're naming your goat... Milkweed.  
  
**GON:** Yeah I don't take criticism  
  
**GON:** It's a normal name  
  
**KILLUA:** Right, because that's what I was concerned about.  
  
**GON:** Yeah I know it's important stuff  
  
**GON:** I don’t want OR need Milkweed to feel insecure, ya know?  
  
**GON:** We’re converting the shed today into a hut of sorts for Milkweed  
  
**KILLUA:** Do you even own the goat yet??  
  
**GON:** No but we will  
  
**GON:** FUCK SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY REPLIED TO THE AD  
  
**GON:** I won't let this goat escape me  
  
**GON:** gtg  
  
**KILLUA:** Wait what're you doing  
  
**KILLUA:** Please tell me you aren't stealing the goat  
  


**Last Sunday,** 1:29 PM  
  
**KILLUA:** What're you doing today?  
  
**ALLUKA:** Impromptu heist  
  
**KILLUA:** No seriously  
  
**ALLUKA:** I am serious  
  
**ALLUKA:** The goat is now FCFS  
  
**ALLUKA:** FCFS stands for First Come First Serve  
  
**KILLUA:** Thanks for clarifying  
  
**ALLUKA:** Yeah  
  


**Last Sunday,** 3:11 PM  
  
**ZUSHI:** I hope it's not shallow of me to immediately ask about the goat  
  
**GON:** Not at all, my friend  
  
**GON:** Milkweed the goat is bound to be the talk of the town. She's beautiful and she's already put a hole through my shirt  
  
**ZUSHI:** Incredible I'm so happy for you  
  
**ZUSHI:** Congratulations on your new child  
  
**GON:** O thank you I'm very proud  
  
**GON:** Now I don't have to mow the lawn  
  
**ZUSHI:** Now you...  
  
**ZUSHI:** Wait what  
  
**GON:** You heard me  
  
**ZUSHI:** You... got a goat so you don't have to mow the lawn?  
  
**GON:** I know it was a stroke of genius  
  
**ZUSHI:** Just clarifying again: you really bought a goat to avoid doing chores?  
  
**GON:** I have better things to do with my time, Zushi  
  
**ZUSHI:** This is very on brand, I have to admit  
  
**GON:** Thank you  
  
**GON:** And thank you for inquiring about the lass  
  
**GON:** (Milkweed)  
  
**ZUSHI:** Yeah I gathered  
  
**ZUSHI:** Thanks for clarifying tho  
  
**GON:** Anytime 😊   
  


**Last Sunday,** 3:46 PM  
  
**GON:** SHE'S GORGEOUS  
  
**GON:** I mean, I knew she would be but  
  
**GON:** Gorge  
  
**KILLUA:** Nice.  
  
**GON:** Yeah  
  
**GON:** Kurapika was none too thrilled about having a goat in his car  
  
**KILLUA:** You... put a goat in a car.  
  
**GON:** Yeah but now she's free to roam  
  
**KILLUA:** Cool  
  
**KILLUA:** I guess  
  


**Monday,** 8:05 AM  
  
**GON:** Have you ever seen a goat??  
  
**KILLUA:** What kind of question is that  
  
**GON:** An honest one  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah I've seen a goat or two in my lifetime  
  
**GON:** Worldly gentleman  
  
**GON:** Everyone deserves to see a goat once or twice in their lifetime  
  
**KILLUA:** I mean I guess  
  
**KILLUA:** I have no real opinion on this topic  
  
**GON:** What about frogs?  
  
**KILLUA:** What about them?  
  
**GON:** Have you seen a frog before  
  
**KILLUA:** I've seen a frog before  
  
**GON:** Have you  
  
**GON:** Held frogs before  
  
**KILLUA:** I don't think so  
  
**GON:** You don't THINK so  
  
**GON:** You'd remember if you did  
  
**GON:** Therefore you have definitely not held a frog before  
  
**KILLUA:** What kind of assumption is that?  
  
**GON:** AN HONEST ONE  
  
**GON:** Listen, go get yourself a frog. Fondle that sucker. And then get back to me.  
  
**KILLUA:** Ok hypothetically speaking, IF I were to do that, where would I even get a frog.  
  
**GON:** O, so you're lookin for prime Frog Hunting Territory, huh  
  
**KILLUA:** It's a hypothetical.  
  
**KILLUA:** I'm not gonna go out and "get myself a frog".  
  
**GON:** Then why would I give up my prime Frog Hunting Territory to someone who doesn't take it seriously  
  
**KILLUA:** If you gave it up to someone who DID take it seriously, they’d snatch all your frogs  
  
**GON:** Fuck you're right  
  
**GON:** Fine, I'll give it up  
  
**GON:** But not for free  
  
**KILLUA:** Jesus christ  
  
**GON:** Are you interested  
  
**KILLUA:** No but now I have to know  
  
**KILLUA:** I'm too invested to give up now  
  
**GON:** Ok then I have a question for you  
  
**GON:** Have you watched The Walking Dead  
  
**KILLUA:** No? What the fuck is that  
  
**GON:** It came out 3 years ago  
  
**GON:** I fall asleep during most movies but that shit?? Got to me. It hit different.  
  
**KILLUA:** Okay? What does this have to do with frogs  
  
**GON:** Season 3 JUST finished and Kurapika hates it, Leorio gets too caught up in the logistics, and it scares Alluka and Zushi  
  
**GON:** I just need someone to rant to about it  
  
**KILLUA:** So you'll give me the frog details if I agree to watch... The Walking Dead  
  
**GON:** AFTER you watch the walking dead  
  
**KILLUA:** Jesus christ that's so many episodes  
  
**KILLUA:** Who makes a show with more than 20 episodes  
  
**GON:** ikr I think there’s only one more season after this one  
  
**GON:** I don’t know how much longer they can keep it goin ya know?  
  
**KILLUA:** Fine whatever.  
  
**GON:** "Fine whatever" you'll watch it or "fine whatever" you won't watch it  
  
**GON:** Killua?

**Monday,** 11:16 AM  
**IKALGO:** Bruh what're you doing  
  
**KILLUA:** What  
  
**IKALGO:** Who's that hunk on your phone  
  
**KILLUA:** What makes you think I know  
  
**IKALGO:** Are those zombies??  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah what of it  
  
**IKALGO:** You know how i feel about zombies dude  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah, and?  
  
**IKALGO:** And you're watching my favorite show in the middle of class!! You couldn't wait for me??  
  
**KILLUA:** Don't worry about it  
  
**IKALGO:** I'M WORRYING  
  
**KILLUA:** IKALGO  
  
**IKALGO:** AND ANYWAY, I'VE BEEN RAVING TO YOU ABOUT THE WALKING DEAD 5EVER  
  
**KILLUA:** GOD  
  
**IKALGO:** WHY NOW, OF ALL DAYS? OF ALL TIMES?  
  
**KILLUA:** Anyway he's not even that hot  
  
**IKALGO:** Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have TASTE  
  
**KILLUA:** I have taste  
  
**KILLUA:** I just don't taste the flavor in chinless suburban white dads  
  
**KILLUA:** I don't even have to look to know that you're gonna murder me  
  
**IKALGO:** The second the bell rings.  
  
**IKALGO:** Run, bitch.  
  


**Monday,** 2:16 PM   
**ALLUKA:** I heard Ikalgo tackled you in the middle of the hall  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah we got detention  
  
**ALLUKA:** I leave for 4 days and suddenly you become a delinquent  
  
**KILLUA:** I've never gotten detention before  
  
**KILLUA:** What do you do in detention?  
  
**ALLUKA:** idk ya just sorta sit there and become socrates  
  
**KILLUA:** Huh  
  
**KILLUA:** I'm not entirely opposed  
  
**ALLUKA:** Yeah but mom's gonna flay you alive  
  
**KILLUA:** That  
  
**KILLUA:** I am opposed to  
  
**KILLUA:** Fuck  
  
**ALLUKA:** Yikes buddy  
  
**ALLUKA:** Illumi probably already knows  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah no shit  
  
**KILLUA:** Sorry I didn't get to say hey today  
  
**ALLUKA:** That's ok  
  
**ALLUKA:** It's probably better if we don't talk at school. My classes are on the other side of the building anyway  
  
**KILLUA:** That's true I guess  
  
**KILLUA:** It's just fucked up. Milluki and Illumi are being little shits about it  
  
**ALLUKA:** Yeah but your friends are handling it pretty well  
  
**ALLUKA:** They still say hey when they see me 😊 It’s nice   
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah Ikalgo's a little shit too  
  
**KILLUA:** But in a different way. Like, in the good-natured, "my friend's a piece of shit" kind of way.  
  
**ALLUKA:** Yeah I agree 😝   
  
**ALLUKA:** I gotta go. Carpool time!   
  
**KILLUA:** Oh joy  


**Monday,** 3:10 PM   
  
**GON:** Go time!  
  
**ALLUKA:**!!!  
  
**LEORIO:** I'm cleaning up the lab I'll be out in ten  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Hurry the fuck up you slut  
  
**GON:** OOOH  
  
**ALLUKA:** DAAAYUM  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Same with you sluts  
  
**GON:** Gah! Sorry!  
  
**KURAPIKA:** My car doesn't tolerate slowpokes  
  
**GON:** I'm literally at the car and you aren't even here  
  
**LEORIO:** OOOH  
  
**ALLUKA:** OOOO SHIT!  
  
**GON:** YOU LIAR!  
  
**GON:** THIS IS WHY I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!  
  
**KURAPIKA:** THOSE ARE YOUR DADDY ISSUES TALKING, YOU BABY  
  
**GON:** True 😝  
  
**LEORIO:** I thought I'm his dad  
  
**KURAPIKA:** No, I'm his dad  
  
**ALLUKA:** I'm pretty sure that's me?  
  
**GON:** Milkweed is my dad.  
  
**KURAPIKA:** I hate you.  
  
**GON:** 😖   
  
**LEORIO:** Don't be mean. Apologize to our son.  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Fuck off  
  
**KURAPIKA:** No son of mine.  
  
**LEORIO:** You dare criticize the fruit of my womb  
  
**KURAPIKA:** I might just.  
  
**GON:** I just want us all to live in harmony with Milkweed  
  
**KURAPIKA:** I can't live in harmony with something that you can't even pronounce correctly  
  
**ALLUKA:** Aw I think it's kinda cute  
  
**ALLUKA:** He's got a hick accent  
  
**LEORIO:** A HICK ACCENT  
  
**GON:** I'M A CITY BOY !!  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Yeah, who pronounces milk "melk"  
  
**LEORIO:** Malk  
  
**ALLUKA:** May-elk  
  
**GON:** IT'S MILKWEED  
  
**KURAPIKA:** GOD I can hear you mispronouncing it in my head  
  
**GON:** THAT'S HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY MILK  
  
**GON:** Anyway where's Zushi?? Aren't we dropping him off??  
  
**LEORIO:** I saw him talking tot hat gal when I was leaving the lab  
  
**LEORIO:** You know the one  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Which one  
  
**GON:** He's such a go-getter  
  
**ALLUKA:** Awww cute 😊  
  
**ALLUKA:** Maybe he'll invite her over one of these days  
  
**KURAPIKA:** He doesn't even live with us  
  
**GON:** Doesn't mean he can't sit with us  
  
**LEORIO:** Facts.  
  
**LEORIO:** Anyway it's that cheerleader  
  
**LEORIO:** You know the one  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Which one  
  
**GON:** I feel like we've been here before  
  
**GON:** Anyway ALLUKA, WE'LL BE BY YOUR SCHOOL IN, LIKE, 15 MINUTES  
  
**KURAPIKA:** Bold of you to assume I can walk that fast  
  
**GON:** Well where the hell are you?? I'm sitting on your roof  
  
**KURAPIKA:** I told you to stop doing that  
  
**KURAPIKA:** There's a goddamn dent from your fat ass  
  
**LEORIO:** OOOH  
  
**ALLUKA:** OOOH SHIT!!  
  
**GON:** UGH my ass isn't fat it's flat  
  
**GON:** gET YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION CHECKED  
  
**KURAPIKA:** 20/20, bitch  
  
**ALLUKA:** Nice try  
  
**LEORIO:** Ok I'M HERE  
  
**GON:** WE SNAGGED ZUSHI  
  
**ZUSHI:** Yeah, AFTER waking up the entire parking lot by BLARING THE HORN  
  
**ZUSHI:** I CAN'T HEAR ANYMORE  
  
**GON:** DETAILS details  
  
**ZUSHI:** WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?  
  
**LEORIO:** KURAPIKA!  
  
**GON:** DAD !!!  
  
**ALLUKA:** DADDY PIKA  
  
**ZUSHI:** O DADDY 😭🍆 DADDY P-PIKA  
  
**GON:** DADDY PIKA 🥵💦  
  
**KURAPIKA:** I hate all of you  
  
**LEORIO:** Ok we're enroute now 5 min!  
  
**ALLUKA:** Okay! I'm just chillin out front  
  
**GON:** OO THERE SHE IS !! LOOK AT HER !!  
  
**GON:** CUTIE !!  
  
**ALLUKA:** 😜✌️  
  


**Wednesday,** 5:23 PM   
  
**GON:** How do you get blueberry stains out?  
  
**KILLUA:** Why are you asking me?  
  
**GON:** Idk ya just seem like the kind of guy whod know  
  
**KILLUA:** You've never met me  
  
**KILLUA:** And use diluted white vinegar and dab it for however long it takes for it to fade out  
  
**GON:** kk  
  
**GON:** O my gosh it worked. Like, three minutes in I was like "this is doing nothing but dishearten me"  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah it works pretty well  
  
**KILLUA:** I've done it to get stains out of Alluka's uniform  
  
**GON:** Yeah she mentioned that but didn't know what you did to it  
  
**KILLUA:** What a liar  
  
**GON:**??  
  
**KILLUA:** "Oh, you just seem like that type of guy" bullshit  
  
**GON:** Damn ya caught me  
  
**GON:** Thank you tho  
  
**GON:** Have a nice night!  
  


**Thursday,** 11:58 PM   
  
**GON:** So I have a question  
  
**GON:** It pertains to Alluka  
  
**GON:** My aunt’s got this camping gig planned for this weekend and Alluka said she’s nervous to ask you permission cuz she thinks you’ll say no  
  
**GON:** So I'm asking instead if she can come with  
  
**GON:** Killua??  
  


**Friday,** 3:25 PM   
  
**GON:** Don't hate me but we're going camping lol 😙✌️  
  
**GON:** I'll keep you posted  
  
**GON:** Just kidding I don't have service bYYYE  
  


**Today,** 12:01 PM   
  
**KILLUA:** Well  
  
**GON:**?? Well what?  
  
**KILLUA:** Andrea's a dumb bitch  
  
**GON:** Andrea??  
  
**GON:** Wait are you already on season 3?  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah also thanks for taking Alluka with you guys  
  
**KILLUA:** We've never been camping before so that was probably good for her  
  
**GON:** Yeah! But more importantly holy shit??  
  
**GON:** And?? What'd you think??  
  
**KILLUA:** Of camping?  
  
**GON:** NO, ya goof, of The Walking Dead!  
  
**KILLUA:** Ok 1) Never call me a goof again and 2) It was good  
  
**GON:** That's it??  
  
**KILLUA:** What do you want me to say?  
  
**GON:** Oh, I don’t know “wow, amazing, so cool” would have sufficed more than “it was good”  
  
**KILLUA:** I dunno apocalypse stuff just doesn’t seem realistic to me  
  
**KILLUA:** Like, for all of the little faith I have in humanity, I’d like to think we’d tackle a pandemic better  
  
**KILLUA:** And also? Rick being in a coma for that long? Where the fuck’s his brain injury? What if this is all just some fucked up coma dream?  
  
**GON:** O shit you're right  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah which means he has some SERIOUS deep-seeded doubts about his wife’s fidelity from the get-go  
  
**GON:** OH SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah so all I'm sayin: Rick could NOT have survived brain trauma like THAT from a coma in an apocalypse even if he WAS in the hospital  
  
**KILLUA:** Anyone who’s unconscious for that long unattended to… Yeah. So that’s my assessment.  
  
**GON:** I didn’t even think about that…   
  
**GON:** Yeah that's not realistic at all...  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah so anyway it was good. Very entertaining.  
  
**GON:** Would you keep watching?  
  
**KILLUA:** I'd say so  
  
**GON:** Cool  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah.  
  
**GON:** So the frogs?  
  
**KILLUA:** O shit right the frogs  
  
**KILLUA:** Where are you hiding them?  
  
**GON:** You know those train tracks that run through downtown? By those two gas stations?  
  
**KILLUA:** Yeah  
  
**GON:** You follow the tracks north and the BIG chonkers are at a pond half a mile down. It’s huge you can’t miss it. There’s a snow mobile track that’s just sort of a walkway now that it’s spring, so it might be a bit muddy  
  
**KILLUA:** Sweet  
  
**GON:** Are you actually gonna go?  
  
**KILLUA:** I dunno  
  
**GON:** Well tell me if you do!  
  
**GON:** And if you catch any frogs?  
**KILLUA:** Whatever.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New fic! Trying something new! Hope yall like it!


	2. You even lift bro?

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Ikalgo  
  


**Monday,** 4:42 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Ikalgo  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Buddy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I have a proposal for you  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Same dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If it has to do with me writing another one of your english essays…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I mean that too but that wasn’t on my mind  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Would you actually? I could pay you double whatever you’re charging Pouf it’s due tomorrow  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ alright whatever it’s not like I have anything better to do  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Sweet I’ll send you the doc  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It… literally just says “The”  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah I didn’t get real far  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O but speaking of Pouf MY PROPOSAL  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O shit right you go first  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Party at Meruem’s on Friday. You in?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do I have the option to say no?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Not in the slightest  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude come on everyone loves having you there  
  
**IKALGO:**  
All of Meruem’s parties are lit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I feel like I have better things to waste my time on  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Like what?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And what was your proposal?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok now I feel like this proposal confirms that I have nothing better to do  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What were you gonna say?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well now I can’t say it.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Bro come on wtf  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We’re BEST bros like I’m your #1 right??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alluka’s my #1 but I guess you two are tied  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah, but did YOU make this proposal to her?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck no it’d be weird  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Precisely!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Wait why would it be weird  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No comment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh I can see you typing so I might as well just say it before you have an aneurysm  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I was gonna ask if you wanted to go frog hunting with me  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ok I can safely say that I was not expecting that  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Since when were you interested in frog hunting?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Are you okay? Are you going through a midlife crisis?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m just making a suggestion we don’t HAVE to go frog hunting together  
  
**IKALGO:**  
First TWD and now this??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate when you abbreviate things  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No, you know what? I hate all abbreviations just say what’s on your mind  
  
**IKALGO:**  
The fact that you’re suggesting we go on a frog hunting adventure is ON MY MIND, THANK YOU VERY MUCH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not that weird  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok it’s a little weird  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Have you ever caught a frog before though?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
No?? tf kinda question is that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’ve never caught a frog before bro?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weak sauce, buddy  
  
**IKALGO:**  
SO WHAT IF I’VE NEVER CAUGHT A FROG BEFORE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I can’t believe you’ve never caught a frog before  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought you were a top tier athlete?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I AM A TOP TIER ATHLETE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I bet you can’t even catch a frog dude  
  
**IKALGO:**  
No you know what? I’ll fucking show you how many frogs I can catch  
  
**IKALGO:**  
When’re we going  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I was kinda thinking Friday??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But I mean it’s fine if you wanna cop out and go to a party instead.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHO SAID I WAS COPPING OUT??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not me  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Also, WHO SAID WE CAN’T DO BOTH?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Me  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We go catch frogs first and THEN go to the party  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t sign up for this  
  
**IKALGO:**  
It’ll be too dark if we go after the party  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We really don’t need to do both. One or the other, buddy, you gotta pick.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’ll pick you up at six  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s the decision what are we doing  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Don’t worry about it 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGOOOO  
  


**Tuesday,** 1:42 AM  
**GON:**  
What if the government invented memes to distract the masses  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They aren’t smart enough for that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway why are you thinking about this at 2 in the morning?  
  
**GON:**  
I was just thinking about Shakespeare  
  
**GON:**  
I’m supposed to read the first act by tomorrow  
  
**KILLUA:**  
First act of what  
  
**GON:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Which play  
  
**GON:**  
There’s more than one??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m surrounded by imbeciles  
  
**GON:**  
It’s Romeo and Juliet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok that explains it then  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway why are you thinking about the government while reading Romeo and Juliet?  
  
**GON:**  
Like… if festivals and plays were used to distract the masses from the crumbling economy…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then memes are our modern day festivals. Got it.  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah like… I use memes to communicate, but people in general use memes as a distraction  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This is a very large leap  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And one that I can get on board with  
  
**GON:**  
Wait why are you awake??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Working  
  
**GON:**  
Working on what?  
  
**GON:**  
Or ACTUALLY working omg what do you do  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Both  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I write essays for kids in my class. And since it’s a private school, I charge a steep price  
  
**GON:**  
Why such a steep price??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Because I know the number of zeros in their parents bank accounts  
  
**GON:**  
Ruthless. I dig it.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So yeah. But this essay’s for a friend and I’ve read the book before. If I haven’t read it before, I charge extra for the time it takes to read it  
  
**GON:**  
I feel like this is a subtle pitch to get me to ask you to write an essay for me  
  
**GON:**  
And I have to say, I’m thoroughly intrigued  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Would not be opposed especially if it’s for Romeo and Juliet  
  
**GON:**  
Kk I’ll follow up once we get the essay prompt  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sweet  
  
**GON:**  
Do I get a discount since I live with your sister?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**GON:**  
Damn. I spent all my money on Milkweed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shoulda thought of that beforehand  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah… I don’t tend to think these things through  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How far are you into Romeo and Juliet  
  
**GON:**  
I said I was THINKING about Shakespeare, not reading it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well then  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I should get back to work  
  
**GON:**  
Right! Sorry for distracting you!  
  


**Tuesday,** 2:38 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s fine  
  


**Wednesday,** 2:38 PM  
**GON:**  
I have a proposal for you, my dear  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh goodie! Let’s hear it  
  
**GON:**  
It’s for this weekend’s adventure  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m already on board  
  
**GON:**  
Literally! Because we’re going on a sailboat!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We live in Illinois?? Where are you finding sailboats??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I am NOT going on Lake Michigan  
  
**GON:**  
Don’t worry about it  
  
**GON:**  
It’s not Lake Michigan tho  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O ok then I’m sure it’ll be fine  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway there’s a comment section on the form and I’m canvassing the squad’s requests and the best one gets put in the comments  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oooh sounds like fun  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah so what’ll it be?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Hmm lemme think  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Tell them to bring aboard the hottest lesbian sailmate they have to feed me strawberries please and thank you  
  
**GON:**  
Alluka  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
This is brilliant  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O thank you  
  
**GON:**  
I wonder if Wisconsin HAS lesbian sailmates?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
If they did I’d be living there 😔  
  
**GON:**  
Facts lol  
  
**GON:**  
Ok the group approves of your comment, so it’s going on the form  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait I wanna know what the others said  
  
**GON:**  
Leorio said “Please include a treasure map with the brochure for roleplaying purposes. If it’s a real treasure map, even better. But don’t tell us the truth because we want to find out on our own.”  
  
**GON:**  
And then Zushi said “It’s sad that dogs aren’t allowed on the boat”  
  
**GON:**  
And Kurapika said “Steer clear of the blonde one. He gets seasick” but we decided not to warn them of this fact.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait why is Kurapika coming if he gets seasick  
  
**GON:**  
He said he doesn’t want to miss out on the memeories  
  
**GON:**  
You know, like “memes” and “memories”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah I put two and two together  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Thanks for clarifying tho  
  
**GON:**  
Anytime lol  
  



	3. Detention veteran perks: guilt

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Friday,** 7:14 AM  
**GON:**  
How do YOU stay awake when you’re tired and have a five hour roadtrip planned  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why is that formatted like an infomercial  
  
**GON:**  
Asking for a friend  
  
**GON:**  
(It’s me. I’m the friend)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We aren’t even friends dude  
  
**GON:**  
😩  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve never even seen you is all I’m saying  
  
**GON:**  
If that’s your logic then blind people can’t have friends 😩  
  
**GON:**  
Abelism at its finest  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s ableism  
  
**GON:**  
Not if we’re talking about the Bible 😩  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Abel was literally murdered by his brother  
  
**GON:**  
By the person he trusted MOST  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I wouldn’t go that far  
  
**GON:**  
I TRUSTED YOU THE MOST  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It doesn’t sound like you’re tired  
  
**GON:**  
This is hOW I ALWAYS TEXT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I take it you’ve had caffeine since the start of this conversation  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I showed up ten minutes late to class with Starbucks  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Does this mean Alluka showed up ten minutes late with Starbucks too  
  
**GON:**  
… No comment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway I’d recommend eating more protein and not to overeat  
  
**GON:**  
Ooo more protein to drive  
  
**GON:**  
To drive mY FOOT UP YOUR ASS  
  
**GON:**  
o my god I’m so sorry Kurapika stole my consciousness  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s the road trip for?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Didn’t you guys go on a trip last weekend?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah we go on adventures every weekend  
  
**GON:**  
Or at least try to  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s kind of chaotic. What about homework?  
  
**GON:**  
What about it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When do you get it done?  
  
**GON:**  
Get what done  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway if you have any song recs, we’re gonna need em it’ll be a long car ride  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know what your music taste is like  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So I don’t know what to recommend  
  
**GON:**  
Hmmm  
  
**GON:**  
Well, the last time we went on a road trip (last weekend) I rapped an entire 3OH!3 song and my aunt didn’t speak to me for a while after that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
3OH!3 huh…  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Thoughts? Questions? Concerns?  
  


**Friday,** 10:36 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude who are you texting? You’ve been glued to your phone all day  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I thought you had, like, a Thing about not texting people  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I text people  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I text you  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah and who else??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alluka  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Alluka doesn’t count  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You see what I mean?? So who are you texting?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alluka  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re talking about her weird roommates  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oooh  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah how’s that going??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It sounds fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She’s already gone camping with them and they’re going on a road trip this weekend  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Damn and I thought WE were socialites  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I know right  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Makes me wish she could go to the same school as them. I know she’s got friends here but she’s closer to her friends at Hatsu  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O shit I forgot they go to Hatsu  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Isn’t that place kinda rough?? I heard they get bomb threats once a month  
  
**KILLUA:**  
…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah maybe it’s better Alluka’s here instead  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Agreed lol  
  


**Friday,** 10:39 AM  
**ZUSHI:**  
Damn bitch do you ever stop texting  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Ms Kreuger’s gonna throw you in detention at this rate you’re not subtle at all  
  
**GON:**  
AH sorry  
  
**GON:**  
How do people text discretely?? I don’t get it  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
It’s all about the COORDINATION  
  
**GON:**  
See?? Like I couldn’t tell if you were texting dude you don’t even look at the screen  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Try it  
  
**GON:**  
luke thos,?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Close enough lol  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Anyway ANSWER THE QUESTION, YOU WHORE  
  
**GON:**  
GAH  
  
**GON:**  
Would you believe me if I said I’m talking to a Sexy Man  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Not at all  
  
**GON:**  
Damn  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Is it Sketchy McSketcherson  
  
**GON:**  
HE’S NOT SKETCHY!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
The guy has LITERALLY done cocaine before  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I TOLD YOU TO STOP HANGING OUT WITH SENIORS  
  
**GON:**  
I’M NOT HANGING OUT WITH HIM ANYMORE  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
IMMA TELL KURAPIKA YOU’RE STILL TALKING TO CHROLLO  
  
**GON:**  
NO DON’T I’M NOT TALKING TO HIM I SWEAR  
  
**GON:**  
That was a PHASE he had a cute dog alright?? WE WERE FRIENDS CUZ I WANTED HIS DOG  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
LIAR !!  
  
**GON:**  
WHY WON’T YOU BELIEVE ME 😢  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Because you ditched us once and you can do it again  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
YOU’RE THE REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES  
  
**GON:**  
WHATRE YOU TALKIN ABOUT I’M THE ONE WITH TRUST ISSUES  
  
**GON:**  
And I swear to our Lord and Savior Gerard Way that I haven’t talked to Chrollo’s group since last summer  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Ok good  
  
**GON:**  
Phew  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Then wHO ARE YOU TALKING TO  
  
**GON:**  
ZUSHI NOALKFJGALALKGLKAJG  
  


**Friday,** 12:11 PM  
**LEORIO:**  
So Gon and Zushi have detention today after school  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh no what happened 😩  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
They were sipping that dumb bitch juice that’s what happened  
  
**LEORIO:**  
They got their phones confiscated  
  
**LEORIO:**  
And according to Zushi Gon’s withholding information from the court  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😧  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah I know I was shocked to hear this too  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
What kind of information  
  
**LEORIO:**  
You’re not gonna like hearing this  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O dear I can’t watch  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Say it, coward  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Zushi suspects that Gon’s talking to his senior ex-friend group again  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh no  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Kurapika say something you’re scaring me  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O no I think I just watched Kurapika pass Mr Wing’s classroom  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
wHERE IS HE GOING  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
LEORIO FOLLOW HIM  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What class is Chrollo in rn??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Do I LOOK like I know??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Fuck I think Kurapika knows OF COURSE HE KNOWS he does his research before committing a murder  
  
**LEORIO:**  
JESUS CHRIST HE JUST WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THE CLASSROOM  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We’re supposed to go sailing tomorrow 😩  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Can safely confirm that Kurapika just got detention too  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O nooo 😩  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What was Gon thinking?? 😩  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Maybe it was all a misunderstanding  
  
**LEORIO:**  
But Zushi seemed SO SURE when I talked to him  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah, but he was also SO SURE that they were gonna make Catching Fire one movie instead of two  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Shit you’re right  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Misunderstanding?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
… Jury’s out on this one  
  


**Friday,** 4:02 PM  
**GON:**  
Have you ever gotten detention?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Only once. Happened recently.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but it’s never felt this bad before  
  
**GON:**  
Used to happen every week ngl  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**GON:**  
I’ve never felt guilty to the point of wanting to throw up before  
  
**GON:**  
My friend was there with me tho so it was fine I guess  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What is guilt, pray, tell  
  
**GON:**  
Well I’m not at church rn I guess I can pray tho  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s a saying, dumbass  
  
**GON:**  
O lol  
  
**GON:**  
idk I just feel like my teachers expect better of me now  
  
**GON:**  
Since I haven’t been in detention this year yet lol at least I waited until the end of the year ya know what I mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I get that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway what about your road trip  
  
**GON:**  
O right!  
  
**GON:**  
Waitin for the gang to pick me up. Kurapika’s driving  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought you were driving??  
  
**GON:**  
Nah I can’t drive  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Aren’t you sixteen?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah??  
  
**GON:**  
I hope Leorio packed my swim trunks. I will be VERY disappointed if I can’t swan dive off the sailboat  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought this was a road trip  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah to go sailboating!  
  


**Friday,** 4:26 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh my god I see him he’s texting who’s he texting  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I don’t know o jesus o god  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I wonder if Kurapika’s thinking the same thing  
  
**LEORIO:**  
DON’T bring it up  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I know I know I won’t that’s why I’m texting you, ya doofus  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok he seems kinda normal??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I wonder if he saw any of his old friends in detention  
  
**LEORIO:**  
😱  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I didn’t even think about that  
  
**LEORIO:**  
See if you can see what the contact says  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It says ‘Frog Man’  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok now I’m more confused. Who’s Frog Man?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I DON’T KNOW  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O god Miss Mito’s so scary rn  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ikr it’s just cuz Gon got detention  
  
**LEORIO:**  
None too thrilled  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Not at all  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Anyway I can’t imagine Gon calling ANY of his old friends Frog Man  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
So I think we’re safe  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Close call  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
PHEW  
  



	4. Flirtatious advances vs dumb and dumber

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Friday,** 6:26 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok so hypothetically speaking  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is the pond to the right or left of the train tracks  
  
**GON:**  
The right  
  
**GON:**  
Omg are you going  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**GON:**  
Damn :T  
  
**GON:**  
Thot you were cool but it turns out YOU were the thot all along  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are the frogs so important to you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And why is it important that I fondle them  
  
**GON:**  
Everyone deserves to hold a frog  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They aren’t even that great?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They’re just cold and wet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like cold, wet swim trunks slapping against your thighs  
  
**GON:**  
Oh my god you held a frog didn’t you  
  
**GON:**  
DIDN’T YOU?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t say that  
  
**GON:**  
How big was the frog  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hypothetically speaking  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Chunky  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The small ones are too… small  
  
**GON:**  
Damn I’m glad you caught a chonker. The big ones can be super fast  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Good thing I’m faster  
  
**GON:**  
So you DID catch a frog  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No comment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’ll ruin my reputation  
  
**GON:**  
Speaking of reputations! I’ve been wondering what your friend group is like  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why do you wanna know  
  
**GON:**  
I wanna see if my intuition about you is correct  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s your intuition tell you  
  
**GON:**  
That you’re an academic stoner. Like, the kids who take computer science and build PCs and stuff  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nice try but no  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not an academic stoner  
  
**GON:**  
Damn. Then what are you?? What does your friend group identify as??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate clique names  
  
**GON:**  
Aw cmon just gimme a lil teaser  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re kinda…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why don’t you ask Alluka?  
  
**GON:**  
’Cause I don’t want her to know that I’m talking to you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why not??  
  
**GON:**  
’Cause she told me to stop texting you “inane things”, as she put it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When did she say that??  
  
**GON:**  
When I told you about getting Milkweed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who’s taking care of Milkweed while you guys are gone??  
  
**GON:**  
Our neighbor  
  
**GON:**  
Answer the question!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck alright  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m kinda in the jock crowd, but I’m not a jock, if that makes sense?  
  
**GON:**  
So you’re like a popular kid  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t like that term  
  
**GON:**  
Oh my god! You’re a prep!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ what have I done  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What group are you in? You gotta tell me now after I gave up this prime information.  
  
**GON:**  
Oh! Um…  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t know, I kinda float. I wouldn’t say I’m a prep though OR a jock… I used to play sports so I’m still friends with those guys  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Used to?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I got kicked off the team sophomore year ‘cause I got caught at a party with alcohol  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Huh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well that’s stupid  
  
**GON:**  
???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That you got kicked off the team because of alcohol  
  
**GON:**  
O I gotta go! Ttyl  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Whatever  
  


**Saturday,** 12:24 AM  
**GON:**  
Hey are you awake?  
  


**Saturday,** 1:34 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Yea srry  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*sorry  
  
**KILLUA:**  
fuk  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg did I wake you up  
  
**GON:**  
Sorry!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
no I’m awake  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Heading home now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s up?  
  
**GON:**  
Oh right!  
  
**GON:**  
If you were in the zombie apocalypse, what would you invest your time in?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
mmm probly canned food and glasses  
  
**GON:**  
Eye glasses? You wear glasses?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Contacts but I wouldnt wear contacts in the apocalypse  
  
**KILLUA:**  
too risky  
  
**GON:**  
Interesting…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
cuz when you run out your screwed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*you’re  
  
**GON:**  
I gotta ask  
  
**KILLUA:**  
yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Are you drunk??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*definitely  
  
**GON:**  
You caught some frogs and then got lit?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah what of it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Someone in my friend group was throwing a party so I had to go  
  
**GON:**  
Fair  
  
**GON:**  
Well now what are you doing?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Scaling my house to get to my room brb  
  
**GON:**  
Well don’t stop there  
  
**GON:**  
Get on your roof  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alright I’m on it now what  
  
**GON:**  
How many stars can you see??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably, like, two dozen  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I think we’ve got a little more than two dozen but not by much  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuc air polution  
  
**GON:**  
FUCK AIR POLLUTION  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alright m tired and I dont wanna pass out on the roof and have to explain THAT to my mom  
  
**GON:**  
Wait wait  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What spit it out  
  
**GON:**  
Make a wish  
  
**KILLUA:**  
On what I told you there’s only like 24 stars  
  
**GON:**  
I know but there’s a shooting star somewhere so ya gotta make a wish every time ya look at the sky  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is this you and your Just Cuz You Can’t See It Doesn’t Mean It’s Not Real  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sounds religious  
  
**GON:**  
Did you make a wish  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah now Im going to bed  
  
**GON:**  
Ok night night  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Whatever  
  


**Saturday,** 10:27 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Sorry about last night  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I shouldn’t have answered your text when I was very clearly intoxicated.  
  
**GON:**  
It was cute 😘  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This was not a bonding moment.  
  
**GON:**  
Sure it wasn’t 😘😘  
  
**GON:**  
In all seriousness I think I was a perfect gentleman in response to your flirtatious advances last night  
  
**KILLUA:**  
My what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I wasn’t THAT fucked up  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t make this something that it isn’t  
  
**GON:**  
Are you embarrassed that I got to see your vulnerable side???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What vulnerable side?!  
  
**GON:**  
Oo he’s getting all feisty!!  
  
**GON:**  
I’ve gotten to see all sides of Killua today: The flirty, the embarrassed, and the feisty  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, and I’ve gotten to see all sides of Gon: Dumb and dumber  
  


**Saturday,** 10:46 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon who are you texting?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Your phone won’t stop vibrating  
  
**GON:**  
I’m just that popular 😜  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Yeah right!  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Literally everyone you talk to in the same hotel  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but not everyone is HERE  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Can confirm that he’s not talking to me  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Ooooh  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Also STOP COUGHING ON ME  
  
**GON:**  
I’M NOT COUGHING ON YOU  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Take a Dayquil  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Take a Nyquil  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You can’t cough if you’re in a coma  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
You can’t cough if you’re DEAD  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OOOO  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
DAYUM  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
That could be your Mortal Kombat dialogue  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I knew I shouldn’t have packed your swim trunks  
  
**LEORIO:**  
You always do this. You take the polar plunge challenge too seriously.  
  
**GON:**  
It’s important to take challenges seriously  
  
**GON:**  
How else will I improve??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I don’t think that’s something you can apply to the POLAR PLUNGE CHALLENGE  
  
**GON:**  
:T  
  
**GON:**  
IT’S MAY it’s perfectly acceptable to go swimming in May  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
NO IT ISN’T  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Maybe in Florida??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Mito’s glaring at us  
  
**GON:**  
Shit gtg  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why are you saying that like you’re leaving both the group chat AND the irl chat?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
He just walked away  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Really?? Aw Kurapika and I were just on our way down  
  


**Today,** 10:06 AM  
**GON:**  
Serious question  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok?  
  
**GON:**  
How do vampire muscles function?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably on spookiness? I don’t know  
  
**GON:**  
Damn that’s a good one  
  
**GON:**  
I’m just trying to stay awake during this car ride  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why? You aren’t driving  
  
**GON:**  
Mentally I am  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s so cryptic to the point where I have to ask what that means.  
  
**GON:**  
It means I get nervous in the car  
  
**GON:**  
I’m like a golden retriever  
  
**KILLUA:**  
In what way  
  
**GON:**  
In that I get really excited for car rides and then once I’m there I’m too overwhelmed to stick my head out the window  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then shouldn’t the anxiety keep you awake?  
  
**GON:**  
You’d think so since that’s what happens at night  
  
**GON:**  
Nightmares are bullshit. Daymares happen in the car.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Understood.  
  
**GON:**  
What are you doing??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Still recovering from Friday  
  
**GON:**  
Ahh  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah what was the party all about??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nothing really something about End Of The Year bullshit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, final exams haven’t even happened yet I don’t know why they’re celebrating already  
  
**GON:**  
The celebration of impending doom?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Something like that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Celebration of the beginning of the end: College  
  
**GON:**  
WHOA You’re a senior and you’re only 16??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No but a lot of my friend group is graduating this May  
  
**KILLUA:**  
My entire summer is packed with college tours  
  
**GON:**  
Fun fun  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What about you?  
  
**GON:**  
College?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Not for me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t blame you  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah so… approximately zero college tours planned this summer  
  
**GON:**  
Only sick beats, sick vibes, and a sick-nasty job 😝  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh shit where will you be working?  
  
**GON:**  
My neighbor owns that burger joint downtown  
  
**GON:**  
The Doghouse?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve heard of it  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I’ll be working there. First server job 💪  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sounds fun  
  
**GON:**  
You should stop by one day when I’m working!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe??  
  
**GON:**  
You can’t just avoid The Doghouse! The most iconic joint in town!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’ll be difficult but I’ll manage.  
  
**GON:**  
MANAGE WHAT?  
  
**GON:**  
tO AVOID ME?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You never know  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAAAWWWW  
  
**GON:**  
😭  
  



	5. Indecision to call you

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:19 PM  
**GON:**  
I can’t find you on Facebook  
  
**GON:**  
OR on Instagram  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you try Twitter?  
  
**GON:**  
O no I didn’t thank you  
  
**GON:**  
I CAN’T FIND YOU ON TWITTER EITHER  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s because I don’t use social media, you dumbass  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg does this mean we’re on the level of using playful insults  
  
**GON:**  
Can I call you “bitch” endearingly?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**GON:**  
But I don’t know what you look like and I’ve already stolen Alluka’s phone and looked through all her photos in search of you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You wouldn’t even know which photo was of me  
  
**GON:**  
Her contact photo for you is of a meme D:  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Here’s an idea: Stop stealing my sister’s phone?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also what meme is it  
  
**GON:**  
It’s a cat meme  
  
**GON:**  
Do you know what I look like??  
  
**GON:**  
Do you want to know  
  
[  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe some day  
  
**GON:**  
:T  
  
](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/702571688008876093/704113487953264720/image0.jpg)

**Tuesday,** 12:45 PM  
**GON:**  
Hey I have a question  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I have an answer  
  
**GON:**  
Do you have any pictures of your brother?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
???  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Which one  
  
**GON:**  
There’s more than one  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OH you mean Killua  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Jesus christ is that who you’ve been texting??  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:48 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Have you been texting Gon??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s this about?  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:48 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Jesus christ is that who you’ve been texting??  
  
**GON:**  
No comment  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon c’mon fess up  
  
**GON:**  
I just want to know if he’s just as hot or hotter than Rick Grimes  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:52 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
He wants to know if you’re as hot or hotter than Rick Grimes  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:53 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve found someone else who has a taste for chinless suburban white dads  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You’re kidding  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Who is it?? Is it Colt? He seems like the type  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I plead the fifth  
  
**IKALGO:**  
KILLUAAAAAA YOU BASTAAAARD  
  
**IKALGO:**  
TELL ME WHO IT IS SO I CAN RAVE ABOUT TWD WITH THEMMMM  
  


**Tuesday,** 12:55 PM  
**GON:**  
I just want to know if he’s just as hot or hotter than Rick Grimes  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’s ugly  
  
**GON:**  
Killua is??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah we joke that he’s the milk man’s son and the milk man was Benadryll Cabbagepatch  
  
**GON:**  
This is  
  
**GON:**  
Supremely disappointing  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Were you trying to bone my brother?  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
I WASN’T  
  
**GON:**  
ALLUKA ANSWER ME I NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU BELIEVE ME  
  


**Tuesday,** 4:35 PM  
**ZUSHI:**  
Why is gong so bummed today??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
*Gon  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I found out he’s been trying to bone my brother  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Ooooh  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
The hot one?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
But he doesn’t know what Killua looks like  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
So I told him Killua’s the ugliest one of the family 😏  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
AAHAHAA YOU’RE KIDDING  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m giving you the cold hard facts my guy, hot off the press  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
God bLESS 🙏  
  


**Wednesday,** 9:03 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey do you still need help with your Shakespeare essay?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Since finals are next week I wanna wrap up as many essays as I can  
  
**KILLUA:**  
?  
  
**GON:**  
O shit I forgot about my essay thanks for reminding me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Now or never dude  
  
**GON:**  
Fuck, I am pretty close to failing english…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Going once…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Going twice…  
  
**GON:**  
Fuck it. Yeah, I need your help  
  
**GON:**  
But it can’t be TOO good because my teacher will be suspicious  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Got it. What’s the lowest grade you can go without failing?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe a B-?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I’ll write a B paper just to be safe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Prompt?  
  
**GON:**  
I’ll send you the doc  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I can finish this by tonight  
  
**GON:**  
😱  
  
**GON:**  
My savior  
  


**Wednesday,** 9:43 AM  
**GON:**  
Ok but HOW ugly is Killua  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
So ugly  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’s super insecure about it so he told me not to save pictures of him. He’s one of Those Guys who turns his back on the camera if he sees someone taking a picture of him  
  
**GON:**  
O my god  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah so if you ask him for a picture, that’s probably why  
  
**GON:**  
Well now I feel like if I send him a pic of me, I’ll just be rubbing my good looks right in his face you know??  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t want to make him feel bad  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I know hun 😔  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s for the best  
  
**GON:**  
I just really thought he’d be the Rick Grimes of my heart, ya know?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I know hun  
  
**GON:**  
’Cause he treats you well and I like a man who respects people ya know?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah, I know  
  
**GON:**  
And now he’s writing my essay for me and I just think that’s beautiful  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’s what.  
  


**Wednesday,** 9:58 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I told you to stop charging people for writing essays  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No “Hello Killua”, “How are you Killua”, “It’s been so long since we’ve talked, Killua”?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
If you get caught for this mom will LITERALLY flay you alive this time  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I haven’t gotten caught before?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you so worried about this? You do realize I’m well over three grand deep in profit here.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait really  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
How??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You have to know JUST the right amount someone’s willing to pay to pass english.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Damn  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you giving Gon a discount??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah since I know he just bought that stupid goat  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Milkweed is not stupid. She’s a saint. Apologize.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But it sounds like he’s getting a job this summer anyway?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah at Doghouse  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The owner’s super nice. He lives next door and him and Miss Mito… 😏  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh really  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yes really 😏  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’s got a TON of tattoos. Used to be in the marines.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh. Cool I guess?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Have you talked to him?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O no he’s too powerful  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’d turn my gay heart straight if he spoke a single word in my direction  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn he sounds like a danger to society  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He is. His training has equipped him with the tools necessary to stab anyone in the heart, including mine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s his name?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Sorry that’s classified information.  
  


**Wednesday,** 10:48 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey what’s your neighbor’s name  
  
**GON:**  
O his name’s Knuckle  
  


**Wednesday,** 10:52 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
His name’s KNUCKLE? What the hell?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
UGH This just confirms that you and that slimy bastard ARE talking  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why are you still texting Gon??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You… don’t know  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do I have to have a reason to text people?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway he keeps initiating contact so I feel like I have to respond  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Do you want me to tell him to cut it out?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I could give him another smack  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No you don’t want me to tell him to stop texting you? As in you want to keep talking to him? You want to keep talking to Gon don’t you I told you he’s contagious and you didn’t believe me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alluka I swear to god  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
So you DON’T want me to tell your boyfriend to stop texting you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m just not even going to engage  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Taking the hIGH ROAD ARE WE, HUH? STRAIGHT TO YOUR BOYFRIEND’S PLACE?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Who’re you texting, huh?? Your BOYFRAND??  
  


**Yesterday,** 11:24 PM  
**GON:**  
You never ask how Milkweed’s doing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How’s Milkweed doing  
  
**GON:**  
Good, thank you for asking. I’m tempted to make her an indoor goat  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That doesn’t sound like a good idea  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And it sounds like you engaged this conversation with the intent of having me convince you NOT to do that  
  
**GON:**  
She might eat my blankets but I think she’d make a good cuddle buddy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I cannot stress how bad of an idea this sounds  
  
**GON:**  
My body pillow isn’t cutting it  
  
**GON:**  
I need the warmth of another being  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ you sound like a serial killer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Find something or someone other than Milkweed to fulfill this task  
  
**GON:**  
Kurapika has already bruised my rib once over this matter  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**GON:**  
Leorio reminds me too much of a father figure to share a bed with  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate: W h a t  
  
**GON:**  
I have trust issues, Killua  
  
**GON:**  
Ones that cannot be repaired  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t even ask about your trust issues?  
  
**GON:**  
Killua hold me 😩  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck no? I barely know you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And it’s almost midnight? Go to sleep  
  
**GON:**  
Milkweed would not treat me this way  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why do you make it sound like you’re on the verge of committing beastiality  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This is absurd I’m texting Alluka  
  
**GON:**  
No don’t!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why not?  
  
**GON:**  
Because I’m on the roof and when I’m on the roof and she knows it, she goes on the roof  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She shouldn’t be on the roof? Why would you let her on the roof  
  
**GON:**  
It seemed fair at the time and now I can’t say no  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also why are you on the roof?  
  
**GON:**  
Thinking about Milkweed during these trying times  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weird  
  
**GON:**  
How’s the writing going?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Good just finishing up the last proofread  
  
**GON:**  
Did you get my venmo??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I got the notification  
  
**GON:**  
Did you read it?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No hang on  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Junior Mints are the superior chocolate-and-mint combo of the American Dream. I know this statement will cause controversy, but I do not turn away in the face of controversy in the same way that I do not turn my back on a box of Junior Mints. They are the least socially destructive mint on the planet—soundless when chewed, unlike gum and hard chocolates, and they improve the smell of the user’s breath. The ultimate weapon for social gatherings, movie dates, and job interviews. I live, breathe, and die by Junior Mints. My life was worth nothing before I first laid eyes and consumed Junior Mints. They are my god and my demise.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck were you on when you sent this?  
  
**GON:**  
I was high on life man  
  
**GON:**  
Snorting junior mints  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re a hazard to society  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway I just sent you a doc with the new copy  
  
**GON:**  
The new what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Copy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
As in… content?  
  
**GON:**  
Unfamiliar with the term  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I just say that since you’ll be pasting it into the official document. So the teachers don’t see my email in the doc history.  
  
**GON:**  
Oooh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Were you seriously just gonna send them the doc I sent you?  
  
**GON:**  
… No  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hazard to society  
  
**GON:**  
I’M SORRY  
  
**GON:**  
FORGIVE ME SENPAI FOR I HAVE SINNED  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s not the proper phrase and you KNOW it  
  
**GON:**  
You just want me to groom your god complex  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  


**Today,** 12:56 AM  
**GON:**  
Your brother is so smart I cry  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Do tell  
  
**GON:**  
He uses words I don’t understand and I think that’s beautiful  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m glad he’s teaching you something  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Though… I guess it depends on the context. Is it lewd?  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
It’s pure and wholesome  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I guess I have to take your word for it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re still talking to him?  
  
**GON:**  
Nah I think he fell asleep  
  
**GON:**  
He just helped me out with my essay that’s due tomorrow  
  
**GON:**  
Technically today  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You mean he wrote it all for you  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
ANYWAY  
  
**GON:**  
I’m reading the essay now and it’s really good  
  
**GON:**  
I’m actually invested  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Damn kudos to Killua for overcoming your nonexistent attention span  
  
**GON:**  
IKR  
  
**GON:**  
THE POWER  
  
**GON:**  
Ok the power diminished  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Damn fun while it lasted  
  
**GON:**  
I think it was just me tho like his writing was fine  
  
**GON:**  
I just can’t stand reading. My eyes go numb.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
They do not  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re over-exaggerating  
  
**GON:**  
AM NOT  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
ARE TOO 😝  
  



	6. This Is What Dreams Are Made Of

**Saturday,** 10:34 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Any weekend adventures planned?  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg he engages  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You said you plan something every weekend  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I figured I’d follow up since it’s Friday  
  
**GON:**  
Oh! Right!  
  
**GON:**  
This weekend involves…  
  
**GON:**  
Job training  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s anticlimactic  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Classes aren't even out yet  
  
**GON:**  
Hatsu finishes up on Tuesday  
  
**GON:**  
Why? Did you wanna do something this weekend?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean  
  
**GON:**  
Did you want to do something with me  
  
**GON:**  
And, like, the rest of the house! of course  
  
**GON:**  
And probably Zushi cuz he’s always around  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll pass  
  
**GON:**  
WHAT!  
  
**GON:**  
But what if I organized a gathering!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why would you organize a gathering?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We aren’t even friends dude  
  
**GON:**  
Don’t say that!  
  
**GON:**  
That’s the prep in you saying that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok hypothetically speaking, what would this gathering entail  
  
**GON:**  
Ikea  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Seriously?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah what’s wrong with Ikea?  
  
**GON:**  
They’ve got stellar meatballs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I guess I just wasn’t expecting it  
  


**Saturday,** 10:48 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
Hey dude what’re you doing today  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know yet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Might be going to Ikea?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Omfg really  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Highkey… can I get in on that?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Lemme ask  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Wait who are you asking?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Who invited you to Ikea?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t worry about it  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’M WORRYING  
  


**Saturday,** 10:48 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m worried  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What’s Gon doing outside with Milkweed  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O I don’t know lemme check  
  
**LEORIO:**  
That looks like Miss Mito’s old office chair  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I thought we threw that out last week?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah but what’s he standing on  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Hang on I need binoculars  
  
**LEORIO:**  
It looks like a skateboard but, like, without the wheels  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok that’s kinda what I thought, too  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Wait  
  
**LEORIO:**  
He’s supergluing the seat attachment to the underside of the skateboard  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re kidding  
  
**LEORIO:**  
HE’S PUT THE SKATEBOARD ON TOP OF THE OFFICE CHAIR WHEELS  
  
**LEORIO:**  
HE’S TAKING IT TO THE FRONT YARD  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O FUCK O GOD  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
STOP HIM  
  
**LEORIO:**  
HLP  
  
**LEORIO:**  
HES FASTR THN ME  
  


**Saturday,** 11:16 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Your new boyfriend just ate shit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus christ he’s not my boyfriend  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He attached a skateboard to some old office chair wheels and took it down that massive hill in our neighborhood  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What a dumbass  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is he a vegetable now  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’d probably say he’s an eggplant  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok that confirms that he didn’t experience brain trauma  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
God this is like the electric all over again  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O haven’t you heard?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Your boyfriend is an electric scooter champion  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does that mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And he’s not my boyfriend  
  


**Saturday,** 11:16 AM  
**GON:**  
[VIDEO SENT]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
? What am I looking at?  
  
**GON:**  
My camera strapped to the front of a skateboard attached to a set of office chair wheels  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O fuck you really did eat shit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought Alluka was exaggerating  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah ignore my barrel roll into oblivion  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You honestly look like an empty toilet paper roll being caught in the wind  
  
**GON:**  
And I have the road rash to prove it  
  
**GON:**  
I’ll show you TONIGHT when we converge on Ikea at 6PM sharp  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Will you be able to move by then?  
  
**GON:**  
I’ll do anything to be in Ikea  
  
**GON:**  
Ttyl got another hill to conquer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And by the way, I invited a friend of mine to come if that’s cool with you  
  


**Saturday,** 11:16 AM  
**LEORIO:**  
THIS IS NOT A DRILL  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I repeat: NOT A DRILL  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
:O What is it?  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Spit it out, coward  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Miss Mito and The Neighbor Boy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) are talking over the fence rn  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Ooo girl get it  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Aw they’re so cute  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
istg if y’all are crowded around the living room window, Knuckle can DEFINITELY see you guys  
  
**GON:**  
What are they talking about??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
He’s offering her a cigarette  
  
**GON:**  
The nerve 😤  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Breast cancer and lung cancer are not the same thing Gon  
  
**GON:**  
Still makes me snervous  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
snervous?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
So Nervous  
  
**GON:**  
SHE SHOULDN’T BE SMOKING 😤  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah, and she shouldn’t be sticking sewing pins in her fake boob either but that doesn’t stop her  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Oooh shiiiit  
  
**GON:**  
Ugh I’m coming home  
  
**LEORIO:**  
No wait! Let them bond a little  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah, preferably with rope and handcuffs  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon’s gonna commit MURDER tonight  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Turn the Ikea display rooms into a murder scene  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are there knives in the stage kitchens?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O god Gon just jumped Knuckle’s fence on the other side of the lawn  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
LMAO the way Miss Mito hid that cigarette tho  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
She KNOWS  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I can’t watch 🙈  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m gonna finish up my homework before we leave  
  


**Saturday,** 5:54 PM  
You named the conversation “Wacky Lackeys”.  
**GON:**  
OK group chat made  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Who is everyone  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Dead to me.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kurapika, if I could smack you, I would  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m Alluka! Killua’s sister  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O shit wuddup  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I’m zushi, friend of the Miss Mito squad  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Leorio, a part of the Miss Mito squad  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Kurapika  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Right and then who’s the guy that Killua’s been texting  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
OOOO  
  
**LEORIO:**  
OOOO SHIT  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Damn straight to the point  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re an embarrassment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not Kurapika, I’m talking to that rat bastard Ikalgo  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I like you  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Damn I’ve been friends with Kurapika for five years and he’s never said that to me :T  
  
**GON:**  
It’s one of his more endearing qualities, don’t be bummed  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Who, Kurapika or Killua 😏  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why haven’t we spoken more often  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
This is the kind of bullshit I live for  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Alluka, the love of my life, I would live and die for you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Cool your jets, hotshot  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah watch it buddy  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What, a man can’t pledge his allegiance in peace??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah, this isn’t the flag of the united states of america  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
And to the republic  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
FOR WHICH IT STANDS  
  
**LEORIO:**  
ONE NATION  
  
**GON:**  
UNDER GERARD WAY  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
GON NO  
  
**LEORIO:**  
It’s “under God” good sir  
  
**GON:**  
Under Killua Zoldyck  
  
**IKALGO:**  
AAHAHA  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Damn is it getting hot in here?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I’m ASCENDING  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
STOP being horny on MAIN, GON  
  
**GON:**  
It’s not horny if it’s the truth  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Wtf does that even mean  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Is Killua still coming to ikea or did that scare him away?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O hes coming all right  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
STAHP THAT’S MY BROTHER YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O fuck right sorry  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He’s driving now and can’t defend himself  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
That’s probably for the better tbh  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We’re probably gonna be a bit late  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And I say that ‘cause i’m forcing him to stop at Starbucks  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Food  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok so since Kurapika’s hungry we’re gonna stop by the foodcourt first and letchya know where we are after that?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Sounds gucci my guy  
  


**Saturday,** 6:35 PM  
**GON:**  
Hey! I’m glad you decided to come party with us 🎉  
  
**GON:**  
I’m sure Alluka won’t say it but she’s excited to see you  
  
**GON:**  
She even brought you a cute lil present i WON’T TELL YOU WHAT IT IS but it’s cute  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah it’s no problem  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We just parked  
  
**GON:**  
So I hear you drive??  
  
**GON:**  
Is it your car?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Eh I kinda split it with my brother.  
  
**GON:**  
I honestly didn’t know you guys had other siblings until Alluka mentioned it the other day  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I don’t blame her for not talking about them  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They’re definitely assholes  
  
**GON:**  
Damn :T That sucks butts, dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It absolutely does  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway Ikalgo said you guys were at the food court?  
  
**GON:**  
We’ve moved on to better and bigger things now  
  
**GON:**  
Honestly Kurapika wolfed down an entire plate of meatballs and we booked it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh shit all right mood  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So where are you now?  
  
**GON:**  
O, you know 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I seriously don’t  
  
**GON:**  
The bedroom 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I can’t tell if you’re serious  
  
**GON:**  
I am we’re at the bunk beds  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Please tell me you aren’t climbing them  
  
**GON:**  
Nah I’m more of a bottom  
  
**GON:**  
*bottom bunk person  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Right…  
  


**Saturday,** 6:59 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
I can’t tell if Gon just made an innuendo  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
If you think he might have  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He definitely did  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you guys by the bedrooms?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah we’re by that display that glamorizes luxury apartments in 200’ or less  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I know the one  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you here?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah we’re going up the escalators now  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok I’ll try to wrangle the team  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Good fucking luck  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah I’ll need it 🙄  
  


Ikea was the epitome of a marketer’s wet dream. Customers came from all across Chicago’s metropolitan area just to walk through Ikea’s entire selection of modernist merchandise before ever coming close to accessing purchasable items. And for this reason, Gon loved it and loathed it.

He loved it because it kept him on his toes. Eighty percent of the Ikea Dream was just simply an experience. He got to lounge around the displays and pretend he was living the ultimate dream in a flat somewhere in LA instead of good old Chicago.

In the same breath, however, he loathed it for that same reason. Whenever he did purchase something from Ikea, it was because his brain fixated on it from the very start. He hated the beginning of the Ikea Dream because of this. He tended to find the one thing he wanted to buy and, alas!, it was a display item. He could not take this. If he wanted to remember it, he needed to take a picture of it—but wait! there’s more. He needed to remember that he took a picture of it in the first place. Therefore, he spent the entire trip to the purchasable sections thinking about the one item he wanted, and, too consumed by it, failed to experience the Ikea Dream.

He rubbed at his hair, frustrated. Damn my ADHD, he thought, already on the hunt for the goddamn fucking thing. He couldn’t even say it out loud without screaming it. All he wanted was—fuck!

He let out a groan of frustration in the middle of the aisle. A kid looked at him with a face of absolute concern, and Gon broke out of his frustration to smile and pretend that everything was hunky-dory when it definitely wasn’t. Wasn’t he supposed to be focused on something else? Like maybe, Oh, I don’t know, the fact that Alluka’s brother is supposed to be here! We’re probably breathing the same air right now and we’ve been talking for three weeks now! I haven’t even seen the guy’s face—

“Aha!” he cried out, his eyes latching onto the one thing on his mind: Decorative string lights.

He grabbed a box of them, and then two, surrounded by the glow of numerous light fixtures hanging over his head. He thrust them up, triumphant, and went about his way back to the staged bedrooms.

On his way, he was caught on a marker indicating a shortcut. His last text had said that Killua was on his way up to the show rooms, and it was around that time that his brain latched onto the perfect new addition to his bedroom. He took the boxes of string lights with him as he backed through the swinging door and emerged behind a divider blocking him from a kitchen arrangement and an absurd amount of fruit baskets.

He looked both ways down the walkway. There was a family gathered in the walkway, heading off in the direction of where his housemates had disappeared to. When he looked in the other direction, he halted at the sound of someone calling out, “Ey, Killua! Check this out!”

It was a kid about his age, still dressed in a Ren High uniform—albeit partially unbuttoned with his blazer undone. He was average in height, his posture lithe with the build of a track athlete.

Ikalgo maybe? Gon thought, fully prepared to say the guy’s name out loud.

He caught himself, though, when Ikalgo flung open the doors of a posh liquor cabinet. The lights flicked on inside as Ikalgo said, “Wouldn’t this be rad in a dorm room?”

“Yeah, good luck getting that into the building,” someone said.

Gon was mid-step out into the open when he heard that voice. He froze, catching sight of a guy with bleached hair strolling up behind Ikalgo. His Ren blazer was nonexistent and was instead replaced with a hoodie, but that didn’t matter, not when Gon could see his face looking oh-so smug behind Ikalgo’s shoulder.

“What? No way, they wouldn’t stop me from bringing this bad boy in,” Ikalgo was saying, and as they argued over it, Gon’s sanity melted into nothing.

“Oh, no way! They do have knives on display!” Ikalgo cried and Killua immediately said, “Don’t—! Touch them, you idiot!”

That can’t be Killua, Gon thought, heart pounding in his chest. I must have heard that wrong. Alluka said he was—

He gathered up his jaw from the floor and snapped his mouth into a sneer. That smug little— Of course she’d fool him like this! She couldn’t possibly be so blind when it came to her own brother. Her favorite brother, on top of that.

Killua, with his bleached white hair ruffled in a windswept, nonchalant way, looked more or less like an advocate for a luxury hair salon. Perhaps it was his porcelain features, or the structure of his jaw—

It wasn’t fair! Weren’t they supposed to be gross and greasy pre-pubescent slobs? Clearly, the Zoldycks were hoarding all of the attractive genes, and Gon couldn’t bear it, not when he was hiding in the narrow passage between the kitchen show room and the shortcut to ambiguity.

Gon swallowed hard as he watched Killua pull his phone out of his hoodie pocket.

The door opened behind Gon. He startled, his heart in his throat. A woman apologized behind him as she came through with her toddler, and he flattened himself against the wall for as long as it took for him to make his decision.

He didn’t have the nerve to talk to Killua, not until he chewed out Alluka for lying to him, that smug rat!

**Saturday,** 7:15 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Ikalgo got distracted by the kitchenware  
  
**IKALGO:**  
*the knives  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Right, sorry, the knives  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re enroute to the residential cubicles otherwise known as micro-apartments  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Okay!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
In other news has anyone seen Gon  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Istg  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
He said he was on a mission  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I didn’t really question it??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
For chrissakes yall know he gets lost easily  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
That guy’s internal compass is about as accurate as his moral compass  
  
**LEORIO:**  
If I find him I’ll lasso him with an Ikea tape measurer  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah, you hold him and I’ll strangle him with it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok general reminder NOT to hand Gon off to Kurapika  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Got it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Good to know  
  



	7. Leash training for dummies

**Saturday,** 7:29 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude where are you?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Just met up with Alluka  
  
**GON:**  
Ooo did she give you her present?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I’m wearing it right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Which you would know if you didn’t stray from the pack, dude  
  
**GON:**  
Sorry super distracted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Where did you go?  
  
**GON:**  
Hmmm  
  
**GON:**  
Good question  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok then what do the signs say?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What show room are you by?  
  
**GON:**  
Hmmm  
  
**GON:**  
No comment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You aren’t helping this situation.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you even want to be found?  
  
**GON:**  
I can never be found  
  
**GON:**  
What does it mean, to be found?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re in Ikea, dude.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Now is not the time for an existential crisis.  
  
**GON:**  
There is never a wrong time for an existential crisis  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Literally where are you? We’re by the rugs and mirrors now.  
  
**GON:**  
Interesting…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to god, Gon  
  


**Saturday,** 7:47 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m gonna smack you in your left nipple if you don’t come back here right now  
  
**GON:**  
Oh yeah? And how’re you gonna reach it if I never come back  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😤  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Come meet my brother you IDIOT  
  
**GON:**  
NO!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
WHY NOT?? Don’t you wanna marry him??  
  
**GON:**  
NO!!!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GON!!  
  
**GON:**  
Is he even gay??  
  
**GON:**  
YOU KNOW I ALWAYS COME ACROSS AS TOO MUCH  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
THAT’S what you’re worried about?!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I honestly don’t think he gives a shit about gender, dude  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT He wouldn’t keep talking to you out of pITY  
  
**GON:**  
YOU DON’T KNOW THAT  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT  
  
**GON:**  
WOW WHAT WONDERFUL WEATHER WE’RE HAVING TODAY  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GOOONNNN  
  


**Saturday,** 8:59 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey I gotta get going  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Curfew and all that  
  
**GON:**  
Okay!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe next time we could ACTUALLY talk?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Or I could always just invade the Doghouse  
  
**GON:**  
😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re so weird  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alright I’ll talk to you later. Gotta drive.  
  
**GON:**  
Kk  
  


**Sunday,** 11:09 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m so mad at Gon rn  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Do NOT talk to me if you are Gon  
  
**GON:**  
D:  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What’d I just say, HEATHEN  
  
**LEORIO:**  
In other news there’s a package  
  
**LEORIO:**  
For Gon  
  
**GON:**  
:O  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
It’s a leash.  
  
**GON:**  
Did you already open it??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah I couldn’t stop him  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
*Didn’t WANT to stop him  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok just because I’m a pushover doesn’t mean you get to make fun of me  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😝  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Are you planning on leash training Milkweed?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O shit  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Kurapika just put the leash on Gon  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oo kinky  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
How the turn tables  
  


**Sunday,** 11:35 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kurapika’s leash training Gon rn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t ask for this update  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
In preparation for when you dom Gon  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kinky bastard  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What’s the safeword  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m this close to 👌 murdering you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also why is Gon on a leash?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you afraid he’s found a different dom  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[Stop it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Deg7VrpHbM)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m just confused  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon ordered a leash and harness for Milkweed  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kurapika opened the package  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
And now here we are  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh  
  


**Monday,** 7:29 AM  
**GON:**  
Wish me luck in my first exam 😙✌️  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t believe in non-satirical good luck  
  


**Monday,** 8:35 AM  
**GON:**  
Why not?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Because it’s about as meaningful as “How are you?” “Oh I’m good thanks and you?”  
  
**GON:**  
I always mean it when I ask those questions and say good luck  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah well not everyone’s Gon-fucking-Freecss so…  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg how come you know my last name  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**GON:**  
It’s just weird cuz I never told you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Aren’t I supposed to know who my sister’s living with?  
  
**GON:**  
Did you…  
  
**GON:**  
Find it online or something??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No Alluka told me  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
Ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Should I have looked up your social media?  
  
**GON:**  
No!  
  


**Sunday,** 11:15 AM  
**GON:**  
I need to destroy all evidence of my online presence  
  
**GON:**  
If you have pictures of me on your accounts DELETE THEM  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Why  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Not questioning it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s because of my brother isn’t it  
  
**LEORIO:**  
👀  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
What if I just…  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Posted the most EMBARRASSING photo ever  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You have my attention  
  
**GON:**  
Dear god no what have i done  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
ZUSHIIII  
  
**LEORIO:**  
OHOHOOOO  
  
**LEORIO:**  
How the turn tables!! Zushi’s trying to sabotage!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
NO I’M NOT  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
My intention is never to sabotage. Of the items on my resume, “sabotage” is not one of them.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Suuuure buddy 😏  
  
**GON:**  
Stop making fun of him 😩 It’s not like that!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I’m just saying that I’m amused at the prospect of Kurapika sabotaging the mission to Engage With Killua Zoldyck  
  
**GON:**  
This isn’t about Killua 😤  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
You did the same exact thing with Zushi  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
👀  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Can confirm. I was there.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re kidding  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
UGH where is the facepalm emoji when I need it  
  
**GON:**  
OK alright! so maybe it is about Killua!  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah no shit  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
We BEEN knew, dude  
  
**GON:**  
Then don’t post embarrassing photos of me!! You saw what he looks like!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
And what does he look like?? You weren’t even there!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You’re kidding  
  
**LEORIO:**  
What  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Gon you saw Killua didn’t you  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
AND YOU RAN AWAY LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH YOU ARE  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
👀  
  
**LEORIO:**  
👀  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😱  
  
**GON:**  
STOP IT!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
ADMIT IT, COWARD  
  
**GON:**  
ZUSHIIII  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I know the way your brain works YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THIS  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Having Gon’s ex on our team makes teasing him 100% better  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
UGH  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
IS THAT ALL I AM TO YOU, KURAPIKA?!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Zushi means more than that 😠😤  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
THANK YOU  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
But also I agree I definitely enjoy teasing both of you  
  
**GON:**  
UGH  
  
**LEORIO:**  
So it’s confirmed that Gon saw Killua and ran like the coward he is  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Which means we need to arrange another gathering  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😱  
  
**GON:**  
NO!  
  
**GON:**  
MY HEART IS STILL IN SHOCK  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Then we use the leash to keep Gon in the vicinity  
  
**GON:**  
No!  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Wasn’t Gon a leash child???  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
A what  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Like, Miss Mito used to keep him on a leash whenever she went to the grocery store  
  
**LEORIO:**  
There’s pictures in the living room  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😱  
  
**GON:**  
I was a runner from an early age  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Then it’s fine you’re just going back to your roots  
  
**GON:**  
That doesn’t mean I LIKED IT  
  


**Sunday,** 2:02 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
[ PHOTO SENT ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What am I looking at  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is that a child wearing a leash on a harness  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s Gon as a kid  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He was a leash child  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hm… On brand.  
  



	8. Do I Look Cute?

**Tuesday,** 3:13 PM  
**GON:**  
Have you heard of Snapchat?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What is that  
  
**GON:**  
It’s like texting but with pictures and the pictures disappear after 10 seconds  
  
**KILLUA:**  
?? Weird  
  
**GON:**  
Why is that weird?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t get why people would use something like that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did this JUST come out?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah! It got pretty popular at Hatsu a month ago but I never looked into it  
  
**GON:**  
Kept getting distracted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is this… you suggesting I get a Snapchat  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’ll see  
  
**GON:**  
:T  
  


**Tuesday,** 3:25 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you use Snapchat?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Omfg who the fuck told you  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WE COLLECTIVELY AGREED TO KEEP YOU IN THE DARK ABOUT THIS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What is going on?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Do you understand how many times Colt and I have misdirected our grade’s pursuit of your nonexistent snapchat username  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t follow  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Elaborate.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Allow me to explain the wondrous world of snapchat  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I think it was originally designed as, like, a sexting service since the pictures DISAPPEAR and you’re able to pick how long they stay on  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then why am I supposed to get a Snapchat? I don’t sext  
  
**IKALGO:**  
It’s not a sexting service anymore!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Unless you want it to be 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is that what people use it for?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Sure  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I need to think about this.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Lol if you think too hard you’ll hurt yourself  
  


**Wednesday,** 3:34 AM  
**GON:**  
It’s only 7 hours since summer officially started and I’m losing my goddamn MIND  
  
**GON:**  
I just ordered a [lip plumper](https://youtu.be/pwqU0WMVBKw?t=72) online  
  


**Wednesday,** 4:08 AM  
**GON:**  
Omfg I just heard a car drive by do you think that was the mailman  
  


**Wednesday,** 8:02 PM  
**GON:**  
IT’S HERE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What is?  
  
**GON:**  
My lip plumper  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me but this might be a classic uncool question to ask  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But what the hell is a “lip plumper”  
  
**GON:**  
I’m glad you asked  
  
**GON:**  
(Not everyone asks)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay?  
  
**GON:**  
But it’s a lipgloss that you put on and it swells up your lips and make em look red and IRRITATED  
  
**GON:**  
I’m kinda nervous ‘cause the reviews said that it burns REALLY bad and I hope it does cuz I kinda like pain  
  
**GON:**  
But not, like, ALL types of pain you know what I mean? Like, headaches and migraines are a no-go but the eraser challenge? FUCK yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god I feel like I should call Alluka  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Does she know you’re doing this?  
  
**GON:**  
No one knows  
  
**GON:**  
Except you 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus christ  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m low-key concerned. Why did you order a lip plumper?  
  
**GON:**  
No reason  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you put it on yet  
  
**GON:**  
Now it’s on  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Does it hurt?  
  
**GON:**  
Nah  
  
**GON:**  
My mouths kinda watering now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does that mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude answer  
  
**GON:**  
So far the burning is NOT bad  
  
**GON:**  
I’m kinda disappointed ngl  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
O god  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**GON:**  
Ok now it’s kinda burning  
  
**GON:**  
It’s REALLY starting to burn  
  
**GON:**  
HOOO BOY MY EYES ARE WATERING  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WIPE IT OFF  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON YOU IDIOT  
  
**GON:**  
I WANNA FEEL THE BURN  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I WILL call Alluka istg  
  
**GON:**  
I kinda want her to try this  
  
**GON:**  
But, like, as a prank. Like, she doesn’t know it’ll hurt  
  


Outgoing call to **Sis** , 8:22 PM

Call ended, 8:25 PM  


**Wednesday,** 8:27 PM  
**GON:**  
KILLUAAAHHHHH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What?  
  
**GON:**  
😫  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re gonna have to speak english  
  
**GON:**  
Alluka took my lip plumper  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop calling it that  
  
**GON:**  
But my LIP PLumper  
  
**GON:**  
Oh wait  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**GON:**  
Alluka’s trying it hehe 😛  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What have I done  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are they still burning?  
  
**GON:**  
Oh yeah but I’m used to it  
  
**GON:**  
I kinda like the burn though? Its satisfying  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*It’s  
  


Incoming call from **Sis,** 8:37 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Ok, you’re on speaker right now.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Please tell me you didn’t actually try it.”  
  
**GON:**  
*Incoherent laughing in the background*  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Don’t make me laugh—it hurts to laugh.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Is this why you don’t laugh, Killua? ‘Cause you use lip plumper?”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“I don’t—fucking use lip plumper. God, Alluka, wipe it off.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“No, I like it. It’s like when you and Illumi see who can eat the spicier sauce at B-Dubs.”  
  
**GON:**  
“It’s good, huh?”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Is it working?”  
  
**GON:**  
“Definitely. It’s definitely working, holy shit—”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Why are you encouraging this? Alluka, take it off—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Don’t tell me what to do, you slut. Look at me! Don’t I look good?”  
  
**GON:**  
“Average.”  
  
*slapping in the background*  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Well, anyway, I think I look good. Have you installed Snapchat yet? I’ll send you a pic if you do.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Just send me a fucking picture through text. I don’t want to have to download it. I barely have enough storage as it is.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Why? I thought you just upgraded. Or is it all the _porn_ you keep downloading?”  
  
**GON:**  
*hysterical cackling in the background*  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“You’re ridiculous and an embarrassment. And it’s actually Clash of Clans. I can’t stop playing it and I’m fucking pissed about it. You know how much time I’ve invested into this shit?”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Delete it and get Snapchat so I can send you cute pics of me.”  
  
**GON:**  
“And me. Not that they’re cute or anything but—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Shut up. You’re cute. If we were both straight I woulda snagged you by now.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“I don’t need to hear this. And I’m not _deleting_ Clash of Clans. You can’t ask this of me.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“I can and will. Ooh, ow, okay now it’s really burning. Holy shit—”  
  
**GON:**  
“Hang on—I kinda wanna put more on—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“No way! Ah, God, it hurts to open my mouf—”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Wipe it off! Jesus, Alluka!”  
  
**GON:**  
“Wait—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Okay, this is by far the best lip plumper I’ve ever used. _Dayum_ who _is_ she?”  
  
**GON:**  
“Whoa. They’re super red. Like… really red.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“That can’t be good for you.”  
  
**GON:**  
“Are you gonna use it when you go on your date with—”  
  
*A loud slap. Gon screams.*  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Wait—What did he just say—”  
  


Call ended 8:46 PM  
Outgoing call to **Sis** 8:46 PM  
Missed call 8:46 PM  
Outgoing call to **Sis** 8:46 PM  
Missed call 8:47 PM  


Snapchat from alluwuka  
  


[ Image of Alluka sticking her tongue out. Gon’s hand is in view behind her, holding up a peace sign. The caption reads “Do I look cute?” ]

[ Image of Killua with his hood up and the drawstrings pulled tight. The picture is taken at an optimal thumb angle. It's dark. He's probably in a dungeon. The caption reads “Cute.” ]

**Wednesday,** 9:12 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ew how are we related  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You look like an actual thumb???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s so wrong about my picture?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t look like a thumb  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Take a better picture!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No my human facade fades after 9PM  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This is who I am  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Fine then snap me in the morning when you don’t look like a worm  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Fine! 😤  
  


**Wednesday,** 9:19 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok I got him to install Snapchat. You better pay up, bub  
  
**GON:**  
BLESS! You are my queen!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Fuck yeah I am 😤😘  
  



	9. Gon's Search History

Google

goats in my area

______________

Google

how to get a

how to get a **goat**  
how to get a **blueberry stain out**  
how to get a **life**  
how to get a **boy**  
how to get a **boy to like me**

______________

Google

Killua Zoldyck

Did you mean: Kill Bill siren

______________

Google

how to become internet famous

______________

Google

what to do when u want to bone ur best friends brother

______________

Google

is it hot in here or is it just me

______________

Google

the walking dead streaming

______________

Google

the walking dead season 2 episode 11 online free streaming

______________

Google

rick grimes

rick grimes **actor**  
rick grimes **dead**  
rick grimes **hd photos**  
rick grimes **is hot**  
rick grimes **human kill count**

______________

Google

unstick super glue

______________

Google

road rash

road rash **symptoms**  
road rash **pictures**  
road rash **treatment**  
road rash **natural remedies**  
road rash **care**  
road rash **and how to get it**  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol random mini chapter based on suggestions XD


	10. Code red: the red wedding

**Friday,** 11:23 PM  
**GON:**  
Uh… guys?  
  
**GON:**  
Code red  
  
**LEORIO:**  
What does that mean??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Gon??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Cryptic fucker  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
@ gon answer us  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Should we be concerned??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT CODE RED MEANS  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Relax he’s at work  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Unless he stuck his hand in the frier, in which case he’s probably in the ER  
  
**LEORIO:**  
IS THAT WHAT CODE RED MEANS?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Alluka check if Killua’s heard from Gon  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
On it  
  


**Friday,** 12:01 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Dude has Gon texted you at all  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No why?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No reason 😜  
  
**KILLUA:**  
???  
  


**Friday,** 12:05 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you alive?  
  
**GON:**  
YEAH yeah sorry I was just in work training  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And?  
  
**GON:**  
And what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nothing I guess  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How’s work?  
  
**GON:**  
O it’s pretty good 😋  
  


**Friday,** 1:46 PM  
**GON:**  
I’m about to PISS MYSELF  
  
**GON:**  
You’ll never guess who I work with  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O lord  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Someone hold me back  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kurapika’s about to go HULK  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
WHO IS IT  
  
**GON:**  
Its uvogin  
  
**GON:**  
I’m YELLING WHAT’S HE DOING HERE  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you two BOTH at the cash register??  
  
**GON:**  
No he’s in the kitchen but like…  
  
**LEORIO:**  
No wonder. We woulda saw him there before if he was at the cash register  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Yeah that’s what I was thinking  
  
**GON:**  
WHAT DO I DO 😫 this is so awkward maaan  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Do you want me to commit murder  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Because I’ll do it  
  
**LEORIO:**  
KURAPIKA NO  
  
**GON:**  
I’m not saying that I approve  
  
**GON:**  
I’m just saying that it’s a mood  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We appreciate the sentiment  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
So anyway I’m omw back and I want to make a fire  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Why am I not surprised  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I’ll get out the fire pit  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oo can we cook hotdogs?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
EW hotdogs??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Zushi you don’t even live here  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
You aren’t even here  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Wait… are you?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Am I?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
👀  
  
**GON:**  
ANYWAY I’ll pick up hotdogs at The World Famous!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The what  
  
**GON:**  
That was a very Killua response and I’m happy to oblige the question  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😑  
  
**LEORIO:**  
It’s a convenience store down the road that’s as close to a bodega as suburban Illinois can get  
  
**GON:**  
^^^  
  
**GON:**  
The actual name is 25th Street Market but on the sign it says “world famous 25th street market”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ahhh gotchya  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I kinda wanna see it? Can I meet you there?  
  
**GON:**  
Sure!  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I’m kinda craving chocolate…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Come with me!  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
K I’ll meet you downstairs  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Well if all of you guys are going, I’ll go too  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Then hurry up  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I’m hurrying!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
LEORIO  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
LEORIO!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
LEORIOOO  
  
**GON:**  
LEORIO !  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Stop YELLING I can hear Kurapika from across the house  
  
**GON:**  
AAHAHA 😂  
  


**Saturday,** 9:27 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
What happened yesterday?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
With Gon or whatever  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Has he been texting you?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No I haven’t heard from him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, not as much as usual  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Interesting…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Well, we all sorta hung out yesterday so he was probably too preoccupied  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
But like… he might have some problems this summer and it’s probably a bit much for me to ask this of you, but would you be cool, like… staying friends with him?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And we aren’t really friends  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t think  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He just needs shiny new people to distract him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And… I take it I’m the shiny new person  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
BINGO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why does he need to be distracted?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought he’s always distracted  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O he is  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
But it’s like when a dog freaks out whenever the mailman comes, so ya gotta distract the dog when the mailman makes his rounds so he doesn’t bark. You know what I’m saying?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This isn’t the first time I’ve heard him described through a dog analogy  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It works though huh?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Definitely works  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kinda like the lip plumper?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do NOT bring that up again  
  


**Saturday,** 10:07 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey how’s it going?  
  


**Saturday,** 2:45 PM  
**GON:**  
Hey! All is well  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s just that we haven’t really talked the past few days  
  
**GON:**  
How did exams go?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine I think  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m better at tests than I am paying attention in class  
  
**GON:**  
I’m not good at either of those activities  
  
**GON:**  
Unless it’s tech ed cuz I don’t wanna lose a finger  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah never did take tech ed after middle school…  
  
**GON:**  
What did you make in middle school??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I dunno probably a wooden box or something  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think I burned it after the semester was done  
  
**GON:**  
omfg how DARE you burn your own creation  
  
**GON:**  
WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN CHILD?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck no? I’m not even a father  
  
**GON:**  
Would you BIRTH something and PITCH IT into the fires of HELL without blinking an eye?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude what the fuck why is this escalating so much  
  
**GON:**  
Imagine what your child thought when it spent its last moments crumbling into ash in the face of your apathy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who hurt you?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway isn’t that what parenting is?  
  
**GON:**  
What do you mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t all parents create just to pitch their children into the fires of society and watch them crumble from afar?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Adults are society’s equivalent to the Targaryen bloodline that protects them from fire.  
  
**GON:**  
The WHAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Have you seen the first season of Game of Thrones or read the books?  
  
**GON:**  
No?? What is that??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s a fantasy series inspired by the War of the Roses  
  
**GON:**  
Sounds boring :T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
There’s dragons? And a lot of gore and sex?  
  
**GON:**  
Hmm… go on  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Kit Harington and Jason Momoa are in it?  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t know who they are  
  
**GON:**  
Oo wait just looked them up  
  
**GON:**  
Jason Momoa’s a H U N K  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I know right  
  
**KILLUA:**  
His character is controversial at best but he has development  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sort of  
  
**GON:**  
That’s so ominous?  
  


**Saturday,** 4:56 PM  
**GON:**  
You didn’t tell me that Jason Momoa’s mean 😫  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sorry not sorry lol  
  
**GON:**  
UGH he’s too beautiful to be an antagonist 😫  
  
**GON:**  
Also are those two people siblings?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably should have warned you about that…  
  
**GON:**  
Also there’s so many characters?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you liking it though?  
  
**GON:**  
I’m starting episode 2 now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll take that as a yes  
  
**GON:**  
No comment until Jason Momoa is redeemed 😤  
  


**Sunday,** 2:38 AM  
**GON:**  
OH SHIT!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What part are you at?  
  
**GON:**  
Momoa!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah?  
  
**GON:**  
He just defended Daenerys  
  
**GON:**  
Against her shitty brother  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh shit oh shit  
  
**GON:**  
AaaaAAAAHHH  
  


**Sunday,** 3:48 AM  
**GON:**  
Ok one more episode. Robb is too hot for his own good  
  
**GON:**  
They can’t ALL end on cliffhangers can they??  
  


**Monday,** 11:42 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I told you to keep him distracted, not addicted to another tv show  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s the difference?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The DIFFERENCE is that Gon doesn’t move when he gets hooked on shows  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He left ONCE for work and other than that he’s been holed up in his room for 24 hours  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Lol nice  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Miss Mito has a countdown rule. After 48 hours she brings out the axe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok not nice  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s the axe for?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
To chop down Gon’s door  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus Christ has she actually done that?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
According to Leorio she has?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He said that if it happens one more time, she’s not replacing the door and he gets a curtain  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I’ll see if I can get Gon to stop watching it  
  


**Monday,** 11:56 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
He dies.  
  
**GON:**  
Who dies???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Your favorite character  
  
**GON:**  
WHICH ONE??  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUA !! ANSWER ME !!  
  
**GON:**  
I DON’T WANT HIM TO DIE  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUAAAAHHAHAWWWWW  
  


**Monday,** 12:00 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Omfg you did it how did you do it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok well now he just looks depressed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What did you expect  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He’s been watching Game of Thrones  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Has he really??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Well, now he isn’t. He’s sulking over a bowl of cereal  
  
**KILLUA:**  
At least his door isn’t gonna get annihilated  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I guess  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Did you do that cuz when you two start dating you’ll have privacy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m just not even going to engage with this  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
!!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Killua answer me!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
KILLUAAAAAA  
  



	11. For the love of gushers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on Jerry's memes in the Discord. Bless up 🙏

**Sunday,** 3:42 PM  
**ZUSHI:**  
Do… you guys hear that?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yes.  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yes dear god we hear it  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Maybe we WOULDN’T HEAR IT if you hadn’t thought with your STOMACH instead of your BRAIN  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I ALWAYS think with my stomach  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Guys now is not the time  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
What IS that? I can hear it from down the street  
  


**Sunday,** 3:59 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh dear lord  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh no  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Literally WHAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What else has happened? Pray, tell.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s… bad.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m starting to regret dropping you off at Miss Mito’s place  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s Gon  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Isn’t it always?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No it’s also Kurapika  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Kurapika ate the last of Gon’s gushers and now Gon’s relocated the house stereo to the roof and is blasting Family Of Me as loud as it can go  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Just unplug the stereo?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I’m unfamiliar with the song  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
<https://youtu.be/_9Icv0CKh3k>  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
And we can’t. The extension cord is plugged into Gon’s room  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What about the axe?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We can’t. Miss Mito only uses it after the 48 hour limit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why’s he so upset about the gushers dude  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Miss Mito has him on a low sugar diet this year and gushers are the only thing he’s allowed to have as a snack  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn why??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re in literal high school  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Cuz he’s so wacky lol  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s actually helped a lot. He used to be wackier  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ew please don’t use that derivative  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wackier  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ew stop, please  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok I’ll stop lol  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Thank you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So Gon’s on the roof blasting Family Of Me at peak volume  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
PEAK volume  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Zushi can hear it from HIS house, which is two blocks away, man  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well fuck  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Anyway can you tell Gon to calm down and turn the music off?  
  


**Sunday,** 4:02 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey I’m heading to the store soon and Alluka isn’t answering her texts. Can you ask her if she wants anything from Target?  
  
**GON:**  
😔 Sure  
  
**KILLUA:**  
… Okay  
  
**GON:**  
😔  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay I’ll bite  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s wrong  
  
**GON:**  
😔Ran out of gushers  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you… want me to pick some up for you?  
  
**GON:**  
😱Youd do that for lil ol me?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ew not if you word it like that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But yeah sure  
  
**GON:**  
THANK YOOOU ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I’ll pay you back!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Whatever  
  


**Sunday,** 5:09 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey I’m stopping by in a bit. I was just at Target and I remembered you were talking about running low on snacks for school.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ooo amazing :O  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What’d you get?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Cliff bars and those stupid Little Debbie chocolate peanut butter wafer things  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
SWEET  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And gushers  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Excuse me?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gushers  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You promised Gon you’d get him gushers didn’t you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not in the slightest  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Uh huh 😏  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Sure…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Purely platonic  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you POSITIVE you two aren’t dating already and don’t know it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re JUST friends  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oohooo progress 🙌👏  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Insufferable  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alright I’m here come get your shit.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O are you sure?? You don’t?? Want Gon?? To come out?? And get it??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck off I can literally see someone on the roof.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He might break his neck or something if I distract him.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah he’s moved on from Friend Of Me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is that a song from Tarzan?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah I think it’s You’ll Be In My Heart  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Emo motherfucker  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Text me when you get home  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Home  
  


**Sunday,** 5:28 PM  
**GON:**  
THANKS FOR THE GUSHERS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No problem  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh fuck did you send me another weird cryptic venmo?  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t know, did I?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
One of these days I’ll have to venmo you back, and it’ll all be over.  
  
**GON:**  
ooo I am excited for this day now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Alexander the Great was our age when he attacked Thebes, therefore, you, too, can attack Thebes. To attack Thebes means to have a fulfilling life, to not yearn for mortal affairs, and to live as the gods do. However, to attack Thebes means that you had to have been raised by a father with the appropriate means necessary to become ruler of Macedonia. In modern day standards, we will call this the 1%. Privilege is a prerequisite to attacking Thebes. Only those of us born from and with privilege are qualified to attack Thebes and conquer our most basic human desire: to succeed in life and not feel like absolute failures. We are raised to believe that any of us can attack Thebes when in reality, we strive for conquests that are beyond our grasps as mere mortals.”  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck IS this  
  
**GON:**  
It’s my will and testicle  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Will and testament  
  
**GON:**  
It’s my will and testament  
  
**GON:**  
I have daddy issues  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So I’ve been told 🙄  
  
**GON:**  
Do you like it?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Your venmo thing or your daddy issues?  
  
**GON:**  
Mmmm  
  
**GON:**  
Both  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I like the venmo thing. Do not like the daddy issues thing.  
  
**GON:**  
Is it not an attractive quality??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How the fuck am I supposed to answer that?  
  
**GON:**  
Is it??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t think anyone actively seeks out people with daddy issues?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Unless you’re into that kind of thing?  
  
**GON:**  
Are you??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop asking me weird questions.  
  
**GON:**  
Why??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon seriously.  
  
**GON:**  
Does this make you uncomfortable??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not especially.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also why do you always use two question marks?  
  
**GON:**  
It’s just a habit. Why do you always use periods at the ends of your texts??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s such a weirdly specific thing to point out. And I don’t always use periods at the ends of my messages  
  
**GON:**  
You did that intentionally didn’t you??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you asking about my periods?  
  
**GON:**  
Because I felt attacked about my question mark usage and felt the need to retaliate  
  
**GON:**  
I also used to run on the assumption that people who end their texts with periods were sociopaths  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This escalated quickly  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I guess I tend to use periods when my texts are longer than two lines? I don’t really know. I feel it out.  
  
**GON:**  
It’s just such an abrupt way to end a message  
  
**GON:**  
Like you’re ending the conversation  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m never ending the conversation. At least not intentionally  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll stop using periods so frequently  
  
**GON:**  
How uncomfortable did that make you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s just a habit, which means I can break it.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck  
  
**GON:**  
😁  
  



	12. Accessory to murder

**Sunday,** 1:25 AM  
**GON:**  
Ah to be a bird on a roof  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re CONSTANTLY on the roof  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but like… it’d be even BETTER if I was a bird  
  
**GON:**  
That way I can jump and not break my collarbone like last time  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway! Are you on your roof now?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t think this was you asking me to be, but now I know  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You do realize how difficult it is for some people to get on their roofs, right? Like, imagine if this involved a ladder or some shit  
  
**GON:**  
I know, but I’ve snuck Alluka out of your parents house before so I know that you can do it!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok wow what the fuck I did not know this  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When did you EVER do that  
  
**GON:**  
Homecoming last fall!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck off you’re kidding  
  
**GON:**  
Why would I joke about that?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When was Hatsu’s homecoming?  
  
**GON:**  
Like… September 28 or something  
  
**GON:**  
That weekend  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She had migraines that weekend  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I remember because she couldn’t get her homework done so I helped…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Write her paper :T Fuck.  
  
**GON:**  
:D  
  
**GON:**  
Awww that’s so sweet what a good brother 😙😙😙  
  
**KILLUA:**  
:T Fuck you, asshole  
  
**GON:**  
Aww 😙 so cuuuuute 😙  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She was probably hungover wasn’t she  
  
**GON:**  
Oh yeah definitely  
  
**GON:**  
Are you on the roof?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah. Fucking freezing for June  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hate Lake Michigan. Hate Chicago.  
  
**GON:**  
FUCK LAKE MICHIGAN! FUCK CHICAGO!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I feel like I heard that both in my head and in real life  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe ya did 😉  
  
**GON:**  
Ok ok time to make a wish  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Again? I made one last time  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but that was LAST time. You gotta pick a different wish every time  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  
**GON:**  
K made my wish  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Same  
  
**GON:**  
Whatd you wish for?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Isn’t that bad luck?  
  
**GON:**  
Nah mostly because I like sharing secrets  
  
**GON:**  
Is it a secret?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not really  
  
**GON:**  
Are you superstitious?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not especially  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I wished that I’ll get into Columbia  
  
**GON:**  
University?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then I can move somewhere else  
  
**GON:**  
Why New York?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dunno  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sounds cool. I like the old buildings I guess  
  
**GON:**  
That’s so far away though  
  
**GON:**  
What about Alluka?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She doesn’t want me to stick around here  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She’ll probably kick me in the nuts if I enroll somewhere in Chicago  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah… I can see that happening  
  
**GON:**  
But it’d be worth it wouldn’t it?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you suggesting I get my nuts kicked?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude we’ve never even seen each other  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t even know what you look like  
  
**GON:**  
Then add me on Snapchat!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  
**GON:**  
Fine!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s your username  
  
Snapchat from gonoodle  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That was such a pointless Snapchat I can’t even see your face in it  
  
**GON:**  
The flash ruins all my definition. All my curves! My cheekbones!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine whatever  
  
**GON:**  
You send me one then!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**GON:**  
!!!  
  
**GON:**  
Why not!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I look gross after 9PM  
  
**GON:**  
Then send me one tomorrow!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Mmm  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe.  
  
**GON:**  
UGH  
  


**Sunday,** 11:33 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
Hey what’re u doin rn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I can’t speak to you if you abbreviate “you”  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What’s up  
  
**KILLUA:**  
:T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m hanging out with my brothers right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Can I facetime you real quick  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I have a question about grades  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Can’t you just text it to me?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
No I need to show you my computer screen  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh fine  
  


Incoming call from **Ikalgo** , 11:38 AM

Call ended, 11:40 AM  


**Sunday,** 11:40 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re dead to me, Valentina.  
  


**Sunday,** 11:42 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
[ VIDEO SENT ]  
  
**IKALGO:**  
[ A video recording of Ikalgo’s phone in his hand with a dull picture of Killua’s ID photo on it while it rings. When the video connects, Killua is seen slumped on a couch, half-submerged in his hoodie.  
  
In a husky, sultry voice, Ikalgo says, “Hey baby, how’s it going?”  
  
You can see the panic in Killua’s eyes. In the background of Killua’s footage, we hear Illumi saying, “Who the fuck is that?” Killua curses and moves to get up, saying, “It’s just—Fuck— _Milluki!_ ”  
  
The camera turns shaky as Ikalgo laughs harder and Killua’s feed partially cuts out before Milluki’s face focuses on it with Killua trying to reach over his shoulder to grab his phone back. Milluki turns the screen over to Illumi and says, “Damn. Really got us this time.”  
  
Illumi takes Killua’s phone and looks Ikalgo dead in the eyes and says, “I’m gonna kill you one of these days, Valentina.” He hangs up. The video ends.]  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Got em 😝✌️  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate you so much rn  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I love you Ikalgo, with my whole heart  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
AAHAHA I love this omfg  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
You’re a genius Ikalgo  
  
**GON:**  
You’ve flirted with Kurapika’s prankster side dude 😂 better watch your back   
  
**LEORIO:**  
I think it’s better to say WE better watch OUR backs since we live with the guy  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m glad you could take inspiration  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m never gonna be able to take a phone call again  
  
**IKALGO:**  
😝✌️  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re lucky you don’t have to see my face again until fall, you bastard  
  
**GON:**  
Why won’t you be able to do phone calls??  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Concerned, are we?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Oooo shit  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
2 things:  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
1) Our brothers don’t know that Killua is painfully gay  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate you  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
2) They don’t want him dating anyway  
  
**IKALGO:**  
They know that we have a beautiful bromance tho 😉  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They tolerate you because you amuse them  
  
**IKALGO:**  
😉  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Sounds like the plot to a YA novel  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Move in with us and live your dreams!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
NO  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Alluka took the last room  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😊  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The sibling rivalry in me wants to spite you  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😤  
  


**Sunday,** 12:05 AM  
**GON:**  
Killua wouldn’t ACTUALLY move in, would he??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Doubt it  
  
**GON:**  
Phew  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t know if my gay heart could take it  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Approximately how fast is your heart beating rn after Alluka announced Killua’s sexuality to the world  
  
**GON:**  
It’s in space rn man 😩  
  
**GON:**  
I’m numb  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Breathe dude 😂  
  
**GON:**  
HOW CAN I  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Damn Leorio’s tryna set y’all up I’m SHRIEKING  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
He just invited Killua to Miss Mito’s for a barbecue like some suburban dad  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
This is the most suburban thing y’all have ever participated in  
  
**GON:**  
I THINK I MIGHT FAINT  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Istg if you’re on the roof right now  
  
**GON:**  
IT’S WHERE I PROCESS MY FEELINGS, ZUSHI  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You never change 🙄😂  
  



	13. When will his husband return from war

**Monday,** 10:02 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude are you gonna be around today?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yesterday Alluka said that you didn’t work  
  


**Monday,** 1:16 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay guess you aren’t here then  
  
**GON:**  
YEAH I had to cover for someone at work 😅 Sucks  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Majorly  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Your house is nice though  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weed keeps giving me the side-eye  
  
**GON:**  
UGH don’t shorten her name 😠   
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nah I like the name Weed  
  
**GON:**  
I hate that Kurapika’s trying to get that to catch on  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Too bad  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weed isn’t yours. She is the world’s.  
  
**GON:**  
Ugh can’t argue with you there  
  
**GON:**  
She deserves better than Weed though  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Debatable  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude I think your boss is here  
  
**GON:**  
WHY??  
  
**GON:**  
Is he talking to my aunt??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O wait now him and Leorio started something on fire  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Holy shit I didn’t know a grill could do that  
  
**GON:**  
Is Milkweed ok??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah she’s fine she’s tryna eat Zushi’s burger  
  
**GON:**  
Don’t let her eat the burgers 😤😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll relay the message  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also Alluka tried to show me your room earlier and the door was locked??  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I climbed out the window  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to god if you’re in there and lied about working today…  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t lie 😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also there isn’t even a tree outside your window. How the hell would you get down?  
  
**GON:**  
I have my ways  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ominous motherfucker  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway how’s work?  
  
**GON:**  
Good except for when I have to give back change  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Change?  
  
**GON:**  
I’m not good at math :T  
  
**GON:**  
This woman gave me a 5 and two 1s for a 6-something meal and after I punched it in she gave me coins and it took us 5 entire minutes to figure out what the change was  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate that. If you’re gonna give coins do it upfront  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah so that was fun lol  
  
**GON:**  
How’s the barbecue life treating you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is this what it feels like to be normal  
  
**GON:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve never been to a barbecue  
  
**GON:**  
Really? Granted most of our barbecues get otta hand  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s ominous and I’m gonna have to ask you to expand on that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Just so I know what to expect from this  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also yeah I literally canvased the internet for a proper understanding of What To Wear To A Barbecue. I put effort in, dude.  
  
**GON:**  
Pics or it didn’t happen  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is this where I’m supposed to ACTUALLY send you a selfie  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  


Snapchat from killuwua

[ Image of Killua winking and sticking his tongue out. He’s wearing a blue t-shirt with a patterned chest pocket and dad jeans. Alluka is behind him, looking confused. The caption reads, “Hip dad vibes activated”. ]

**Monday,** 2:06 PM  
**GON:**  
OH NO HE’S HOT  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
We BEEN knew dude  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
YOU knew  
  
**GON:**  
I know but now I have his snapchat 😏  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You are unbelievably predictable lol  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Did he send you a picture?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah just now  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Like… RIGHT now, right now?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Damn I didn’t even notice and I’ve just been staring at him this whole time  
  
**GON:**  
😩😩 Wish I was there  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Dude YOU’RE the one who agreed to cover your coworker’s shift  
  
**GON:**  
I know I shouldn’t have asked if anyone wanted me to cover for them today  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Wait  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Are you telling me…  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
That you INTENTIONALLY PUT IT OUT THERE that you wanted to WORK TODAY  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Like, unsolicited?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
You’re such a dumbass  
  
**GON:**  
I panicked  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I reiterate: DUMBASS  
  
**GON:**  
D:  
  


**Monday,** 2:26 PM  
**GON:**  
Nice.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nice?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I send you a picture and all you say is ‘nice’ you don’t even respond with one back  
  
**GON:**  
At work. Super distracted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Leave me hanging. Whatever, didn’t even wanna see your face anyway  
  
**GON:**  
D: Kinda makes it sound like you did though ngl  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I go through all this effort to dress up like a dad at a barbecue and all you can say is ‘nice’  
  
**GON:**  
You don’t look like a dad at a barbecue!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn now you’re insulting me too  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Next thing you know you’re gonna call me Rick Grimes  
  
**GON:**  
You’re asian and you’re 16! You can’t POSSIBLY look like Rick Grimes  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Racist  
  
**GON:**  
I’M NOT RACIST 😂  
  
**GON:**  
Why are you so salty right now damn dude 😂  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How do you know Rick Grimes isn’t asian  
  
**GON:**  
You literally called him a chinless suburban white dad a couple weeks ago!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You don’t know that  
  
**GON:**  
What the fuck is going on 😂 Why did you turn the tables on me like this I feel betrayed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Unless you have receipts… Never happened  
  
**GON:**  
It’s literally in my phone history!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, and which one of us has the attention span to scroll back that far  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Trick question: NEITHER OF US, you bitch  
  
**GON:**  
You sound like Kurapika you’re scaring me  
  


**Monday,** 2:40 PM  
**GON:**  
WHAT’S KILLUA DOING??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Drinking a beer with Kurapika  
  
**GON:**  
WHO GAVE HIM ALCOHOL?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Chill it’s ginger beer  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Or is it??  
  
**GON:**  
😠  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
At least that’s what we’re gonna tell the cops if they show up  
  
**GON:**  
UGH  
  


**Monday,** 2:46 PM  
**GON:**  
I can’t believe yall are drinking without me 😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What a preposterous idea  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Drinking? At this age?  
  
**GON:**  
Zushi told me you guys were drinking beer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve never drunk a drop of alcohol in my life.  
  
**GON:**  
Say that to the guy who DRUNK TEXTED ME after MIDNIGHT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate: Which one of us has the attention span to scroll back that far?  
  
**GON:**  
[ IMAGE ATTACHMENT: A screenshot of Killua correcting his typos the night he drunk texted Gon after midnight ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Photoshop.  
  
**GON:**  
ITS NOT PHOTOSHOPED  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*It’s  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*Photoshopped  
  
**GON:**  
You have the tipsy texting personality of a high school english teacher 😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I really don’t know if I should be offended  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t get drunk OR tipsy  
  
**GON:**  
I find this hard to believe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Accuse me of underaged drinking again and I’ll smite you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll smite you like god should have the second you emerged from the womb  
  
**GON:**  
I think the proper phrasing is “nerf”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
?  
  
**GON:**  
God doesn’t smite. He nerfs people  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck does that even mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like the toy guns?  
  
**GON:**  
Precisely  
  
**GON:**  
You should see us when we team up for the Hatsu Nerf Wars  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m intrigued  
  
**GON:**  
Honestly I might be organizing a nerf war next weekend. No one’s supposed to know that it’s happening until a day or two before so there’s no FOWL PLAY  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*Foul  
  
**GON:**  
If you’re interested in getting your ass kicked, you should come  
  
**GON:**  
Ugh nm I retract my offer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I won’t correct your typos anymore  
  
**GON:**  
Who said anything about typos?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you openly admitting to not knowing how to spell?  
  
**GON:**  
I said what I said  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn all right I can respect that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If you do a nerf war can I invite some friends from Ren?  
  
**GON:**  
Definitely! More the merrier :D  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok cool. Then I’m in  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I am NOT going to be the one getting my ass kicked. That honor goes to you  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah right!! As if 😝 You’re talking to the fastest sonuvabitch at Hatsu  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, and you’re looking at the fastest sonuvabitch at Ren. I’ll beat your ass, Freecss  
  
**GON:**  
I’d like to see you try 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ew what the fuck why’d you follow up with that emoji  
  
**GON:**  
What emoji 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop it  
  
**GON:**  
😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to god I’ll march over to the Doghouse right now  
  
**GON:**  
😳 And do what to me 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  


**Monday,** 2:57 PM  
**LEORIO:**  
Was it… just me or did I just see you gazing longingly at us from your bedroom window…  
  
**GON:**  
It was just you 😠  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Heard  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I won’t tell the others  
  
**GON:**  
Thank you 😊  
  
**GON:**  
Can you bring me a burger  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Definitely, my son  
  
**GON:**  
Thank you dear father o mine  
  



	14. How far we've come

**Thursday,** 5:12 AM  
**GON:**  
Dude are you alive  
  


**Thursday,** 10:04 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude are YOU?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the hell are you doing awake at 5AM?  
  
**GON:**  
I  
  
**KILLUA:**  
?  
  
**GON:**  
It’s complicated  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, I’m sure it is buddy  
  
**GON:**  
Are you alive?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yes? I mean, I’m texting you right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are YOU alive?  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t know  
  
**GON:**  
Got real nervous last night  
  
**KILLUA:**  
About what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude you’re making me nervous now  
  
**GON:**  
We’re all gonna die dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude are you okay? Why are you being so existential  
  
**GON:**  
I just get really anxious the next day after smoking  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m guessing you’re talking about weed  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
DON’T TELL ALLUKA!  
  
**GON:**  
I haven’t smoked in, like, A YEAR and it was just a one time thing  
  
**GON:**  
I can’t handle the after effects  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I won’t tell her  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why’d you text me at 5AM though?  
  
**GON:**  
Because if I texted the others they’d know IMMEDIATELY  
  
**GON:**  
It seems  
  
**GON:**  
I am very predictable  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Apparently  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It also might depend on the strand you’re using  
  
**GON:**  
??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Certain strands can influence the high and the after effects. If it was a poorly produced batch that’ll affect how you feel  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t ask how I know that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Or how I know that aged batches can be just as bad. The fresher the better—or so I’m told  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I kinda thought that might be it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why were you smoking?  
  
**GON:**  
A coworker offered it to me  
  
**GON:**  
DON’T TELL ALLUKA  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not a snitch, dude! Chill out  
  
**GON:**  
O ok good  
  
**GON:**  
But yeah it gets kinda quiet on week days at the Doghouse so the kitchen staff sometimes smokes in the back near closing time  
  
**GON:**  
(insert closing time open all the doors and let you out into the world da na na nanana)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not gonna lie that kinda sounds like fun  
  
**GON:**  
it is! If you haven’t been sober for a year 😅  
  
**GON:**  
Kurapika would MAIM ME ALIVE  
  
**GON:**  
Zushi’s probably already disappointed in me but he doesn’t know why yet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude it’s not the end of the world  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t let your coworkers pressure you into smoking if you don’t want to. They don’t mean shit, dude, I don’t care how cool you think they are.  
  
**GON:**  
There you go again, ending your sentences with periods 🙈  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s because I’m serious.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t smoke if you don’t want to smoke.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And don’t NOT smoke just because you don’t wanna disappoint someone. Worry about disappointing yourself before you start bothering with what other people expect of you.  
  
**GON:**  
Damn since when did you become Socrates  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Socrates is probably rolling around in his grave right now reading this  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If his spirit even knows english, that is  
  
**GON:**  
Who ISN’T rolling around in their grave  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This question is harder to answer the more I think about it  
  
**GON:**  
Exactly  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Guess we can’t win  
  
**GON:**  
Guess not 😝  
  
**GON:**  
How are you though  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**GON:**  
Like, what are you up to  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m just reading  
  
**GON:**  
Reading what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Your will and testament  
  
**GON:**  
Are you actually  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No you idiot I’m reading The Plague by Albert Camus  
  
**GON:**  
Sounds deadly  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah it’s kinda gross not gonna lie  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The protagonist is slicing open peoples’ swollen lymph nodes to release puss and blood  
  
**GON:**  
Yum yum slorp slorp  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This statement you provided might just warrant a hitman to take you out  
  
**GON:**  
On a date?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No with a knife  
  
**GON:**  
A date with a knife?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
God I’m so horny for romance that a knife might just do it for me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I hate to break it to you but “horny” and “romance” have no correlation  
  
**GON:**  
Do you want me to specify?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Please no  
  
**GON:**  
I might just  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon I swear to God  
  
**GON:**  
No homo 😘  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That entire emoji just cancels out your statement. I can’t accept that.  
  
**GON:**  
Can I tell you about something that happened freshmen year  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure, why not  
  
**GON:**  
I can give you plenty of reasons why you wouldn't want to hear this story  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Just say it, coward  
  
**GON:**  
O geez ok  
  
**GON:**  
So I’ve been thinking a lot  
  
**GON:**  
About, like… these guys I used to hang out with  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure  
  
**GON:**  
So this was when I was both a fool and a freshmen  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Some would call them synonymous but go on  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah and I became friends with them because  
  
**GON:**  
Ok it’s a really weird story  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Try me  
  
**GON:**  
Every year there’s, like, this physics class trip to six flags but pretty much anyone can go as long as you can pay the fee  
  
**GON:**  
Do you like six flags?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure  
  
**GON:**  
Ok good lol  
  
**GON:**  
And I couldn’t pay the fee but I was like, on the waitlist or whatever  
  
**GON:**  
And there was an opening, like, a day before the trip was supposed to happen and so it was sweet ‘cause I got to go since they couldn’t refund the ticket and this kid wasn’t allowed to go anymore  
  
**GON:**  
Because he got caught, like… doing nasty things under one of the stairwells 😳  
  
**GON:**  
So it was sick that I got to go but like, this dude couldn’t so I felt the need to thank him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok let me get this straight  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You felt the need to say thanks to a guy who had his permission for a field trip revoked because he got caught screwing around under the school stairwell  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
So I got to go to six flags for free :D  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean good on you man  
  
**GON:**  
I know!  
  
**GON:**  
So the next week at school I thanked him and he invited me to smoke with his friends in the forest behind school and it was lit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who is this??  
  
**GON:**  
His name’s Chrollo he’s a senior now  
  
**GON:**  
Chrollo Lucilfer?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oddly enough, the name rings a bell  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah he’s pretty iconic  
  
**GON:**  
He’s got a REPUTATION, as the ladies say  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think he’s sold weed to my friend before at a football game  
  
**GON:**  
AH! Love that for you friend  
  
**GON:**  
But anyway I’m not friends with him anymore and I’m not supposed to be smoking his friend’s (my ex-friend’s) weed which is why ALLUKA CANNOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Got it lol thanks for clarifying I guess  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I didn’t realize you ran with that crowd at, like, ANY point. You don’t give off those vibes  
  
**GON:**  
Just wait until you see me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah and when is that again?  
  
**GON:**  
Shhh I didn’t sleep last night my eyes are killing me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You don’t need eyes to take a selfie, dumbass  
  
**GON:**  
That sounds like a threat  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah and is it working  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe 😳  
  


Snapchat from freecky  
[ Image of Gon in front of a floor-length mirror with his phone covering his face. He’s shirtless. No caption. ]

**Thursday,** 11:34 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
I think Gon just sent me a nude  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What the hell it’s not even noon  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
All right hang on  
  


Snapchat from freecky

[ Image of Gon flashing a peace sign with the caption: “THERE. I did it. Happy?” It’s sunny out and he’s in the backyard with Milkweed’s shed in the background. ]  


**Thursday,** 11:45 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m never happy.  
  
**GON:**  
Just once? Maybe?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you want me to say?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That you look cute?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then yeah you look cute. That’s a given  
  
**GON:**  
😭  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop crying  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ where is your self esteem, six feet under?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe 😭  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You look cute and you should take more pictures of yourself  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shirtless or otherwise  
  
**GON:**  
Pantsless? 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO I MEANT WITH YOUR FACE, DUMBASS  
  
**GON:**  
O right 😅 My bad  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you hear that?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That was the sound of me sighing  
  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first snapchat is by me, and the second is by [Chromia](https://twitter.com/_panchromia) :D


	15. Look in the locker room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a cheeky little glance into Ikalgo and Killua's wholesome, precious, pure friendship. Nothing indecent to see here.

**Thursday,** 4:22 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
So you know that guy Alluka lives with  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Hmmm maybe  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Kurapika?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Leorio??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Zushi.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay now I know for a FACT that you’re just fucking with me. Zushi doesn’t even live with her.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
She’s surrounded by testosterone, what can I say  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh don’t remind me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And also SPEAKING of testosterone, the one guy you did NOT mention snapchatted me today  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Snapchated?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Chatted.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Snapped?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Boy imma bouta snap if you don’t send me the screenshots you took  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Please tell me you screenshot them  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s a screenshot?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m so disappointed  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Anyway what’s the correlation to the snapchats and testosterone?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m kind of in a panic right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How is Alluka not straight after living with this guy?? Maybe he’s, like, got some very obvious fault that I just can’t see that’s, like, a Game Changer  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What’s he look like???  
  
**IKALGO:**  
DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Bro it’s been 10 entire minutes since you last texted me and istg if you’re too busy JERKING OFF TO TELL ME WHAT THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’M NOT JERKING OFF  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THEN QUIT SCREWING AROUND AND TELL ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He’s got FRECKLES, dude  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Then why areN’T YOU JERKING OFF RIGHT NOW, YOU IDIOT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THERE’S NO CORRELATION  
  
**IKALGO:**  
CLEARLY THEY’RE IMPORTANT AND MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE LEAD WITH THE FRECKLES, KILLUA  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IT’S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, IKALGO, I refuse to get worked up about this  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway he kinda led up to the selfie with a partially-nude mirror picture  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU DIDN’T LEAD WITH THAT???  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What is WRONG WITH YOU  
  
**IKALGO:**  
AND YOU DIDN’T SCREENSHOT IT??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know what that means, Ikalgo, enlighten me  
  
**IKALGO:**  
How about I enlighten your FACE, BITCH  
  
**IKALGO:**  
GOOGLE IT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh fine  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Describe “partial nudity” to me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sweatpants and nothing else  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Did he…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Have abs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, as much as a guy can without being in sports? I don’t know? He didn’t have a BEER GUT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ugh you aren't helping me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Helping you with WHAT, exactly?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fill your SPANK BANK, SHITHEAD?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YEAH, MAYBE  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m low on material give me some credit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You aren’t even gay, dude, why are you putting male bodies in your spank bank  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Just in case  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s so incredibly ominous and I hate it so much  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Am…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I in there?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We share a locker room, dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does that mean??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ikalgo??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
ANSWER ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fucking FINE whatever, not like I was gonna invite you to the Hatsu nerf war or anything  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m in  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok well now that I have your attention EXTRACT ANY MEMORY YOU HAVE OF MY YOUTHFUL VIRGIN BOD FROM THAT GROSS, MOLDY BRAIN OF YOURS  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
MINE NOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT’S YOURS?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO!!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
How could I even (hypothetically speaking) erase the memory of you being shirtless for a total of 40 seconds every weekday freshmen year???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You counted how long it takes for me to change shirts?!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
10 seconds before gym class, 30 seconds after cuz you take your shirt off first thing after getting in the locker room  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I have my head in my hands rn  
  
**IKALGO:**  
If that were true you wouldn’t be texting me rn  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And anyway it’s important Best Friend Information  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You are SO lucky there’s no way in HELL I’m rooming with you in college  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah you’d probably peck my eyes out with a pen while I’m sleeping  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I could always room with Gon instead 👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fat chance  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He’s not going to college. I think he’s getting an apprenticeship of some kind  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Damn missed opportunity  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re an absolute heathen  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hormonal heathen. Did you forget to eat your Respect Men Vitamin after taking your Respect Women Juice this morning?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Shit that wasn't a part of the doctor’s orders  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m your new physician now, bitch  
  
**KILLUA:**  
EAT IT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YES SIR  
  
**KILLUA:**  
BEFORE I TELL THE ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR EYES IN THE LOCKER ROOM  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O GOD NO KILLUA I BEG YOU  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THEY’LL DESTROY ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shoulda thought about that before, scum  
  


**Thursday,** 5:03 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
I have a question for you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When you used the men’s locker room, did you ever check the guys out?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Like, full truth?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Does that mean you’re planning on lying?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Full truth. I’m testing a theory  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Then yeah sometimes?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Just because I’m not attracted to guys doesn’t mean I can’t APPRECIATE them you know what I’m sayin  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I guess…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What’s this about??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nothing  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ominous motherfucker 😒  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You pass unscathed this time  
  


**Thursday,** 5:14 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you ever ashamed of who you are  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Every day  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Good.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Then one day you will pay for your crimes against humanity and you will welcome retribution with open arms.  
  


**Thursday,** 5:16 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m scared  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh no what did you do this time  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Does this have something to do with a locker room incident  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Maybe 😩  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I shall defend your honor, fallen warrior  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Thank you my queen  
  


**Thursday,** 5:24 PM  
**GON:**  
So I’ve been thinking a lot about your sour patch kids challenge and I’ve decided I’m no pussy so I accept your challenge  
  
**GON:**  
Meet me on the driveway in 5  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait before that  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I have a question  
  
**GON:**  
I might have an answer  
  
**GON:**  
Emphasis on “might”. Will my answer condemn me  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I just need you to text Killua “moor rekcol eht ni m’I nehw kool I” but type it reversed  
  
**GON:**  
Well ok if you insist  
  


**Thursday,** 5:35 PM  
**GON:**  
I look when I’m in the locker room  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God I’m gonna kill Ikalgo  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why would you confess to that??? No one confesses to that!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait no don’t answer that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s the locker room! Isn’t there, like, some unspoken mutual agreement NOT to look?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I feel like my innocence has been shattered today and I don’t know how to feel about it. It’s like I’ve been the odd man out this entire time and you’d THINK this would absolve some of my own personal guilt for maybe POSSIBLY checking out Meruem that ONE TIME but he surprised me since I was looking in one direction and then he called my name and I didn't expect him to be in his underwear and I might have lingered a bit too long on that particular detail but that’s okay, right? Because apparently everyone and their mother LOOKS IN THE LOCKER ROOM  
  
**GON:**  
Who’s Meruem?  
  
**GON:**  
And I don’t actually look in the locker room?? Alluka just told me to text that to you I didn't know the context I was too focused on deciphering the code  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What code?  
  
**GON:**  
moor rekcol eht ni m’I nehw kool I  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You… don’t actually look in the locker room  
  
**GON:**  
I get really distracted easily so you’d think so. I’m too hyper aware in locker rooms they make me nervous  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
But yOU LOOKED AT MERUEM??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IT WAS JUST ONE TIME!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He’s the Ren football team’s quarterback! I couldn’t help it!  
  
**GON:**  
You dirty dirty boy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t WORD it like that oh my god  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I DON’T LOOK IN THE LOCKER ROOM!  
  
**GON:**  
For shame  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No no no don’t put this on me YOU’RE the one who started this conversation. I just let it slip mark it up as a lapse in judgement.  
  
**GON:**  
Brb gotta go  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is it really such a bad thing??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God don’t answer that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon??  
  


**Thursday,** 6:15 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
I forgive you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sort of  
  
**IKALGO:**  
:O  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We’re still best friends even tho I have pictures of you half-naked??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You WHAT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
When we went to the lake together last summer!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You were in your cute lil swim trunks  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THAT’S DIFFERENT! Why would you describe swim trunks as half-naked?! You had me worried there!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT PICTURE?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO GET BACK HERE  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Locker rooms are a weird place and sometimes I sit in my room staring at nothing in particular and I become transfixed by the realization that locker rooms exists.


	16. Chicago Gurls, They're Unforgettable

**Friday,** 4:00 PM  
**GON:**  
Alright WORMS 🐛 It’s time ⏰ to get FUNKY 🕺😝 and ANNIHILATE 🔫 each other in a battle 🤺😤 to the DEATH 😵 via 💦💧 YOU GUESSED IT 😏: A NERF AND WATER GUN DEATH MATCH 💀💀 If you’re 👆reading 📕🤓 this message, that means you’re on 🙈 the best 💯 team there is: NICKEL 🤑 BACK 🔙. Your headquarters 🏰?? The North Park Bridge 🌉 Your target 🎯?? MATCHBOX 🧨 20 🔥 Your objective 👀?? To capture 👊 their flag 🎌 Get to your stations by 7️⃣PM SHARP or face 😍 the wrath 🥰 of YOURS TRULY 😘 War starts at 7️⃣:3️⃣0️⃣PM   
  
**GON:**  
Text me the #s of anyone you want to draft 🎖 into war 🔪 and I’ll send them their assignment!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I have a few numbers hang on  
  
**GON:**  
Hanging on 😘  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Smug sonuvabitch  
  


**Thursday,** 6:15 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Yo did you get your assignment for the nerf war?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah! Nickelback FUCK YEAH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Same lol  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m thinking about heading out early so I can avoid my brothers  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Would you wanna pick me up?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Sure dude as long as Illumi doesn’t see me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah that might complicate things  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I could meet you outside the gate?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
For sure dude  
  


Gon Freecss paid you $4.20 on Venmo!

**Thursday,** 6:52 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude the fight is about to start why did you send me a Venmo?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing. To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we all recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your cart. Therefore, the shopping cart presents itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not returning the cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the cart, you gain nothing from returning the cart. You must return the cart out of the goodness of your heart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct. A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it. The Shopping Cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is this a threat?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m gonna take you down, Freecss. Count on it.  
  
**GON:**  
Take me down where 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon I swear to god  
  


Killua and Ikalgo were early to the North Park Bridge where, to his surprise, he found Alluka sitting alone on the rocks by the riverbed. North Park was always quiet. It was on the outskirts of their town in the new, loosely populated neighborhoods. Half of the houses were empty, on the market, and smelled of freshly cut plywood. 

“Alluka!” Ikalgo cried, shocked.

Alluka startled on the rocks, looking up from her phone. She bounded to her feet with a smile, pocketing her phone in the back of her jeans. “Ikalgo, hey! I heard you were coming to this thing but I wasn’t sure. You got your guns?”

Ikalgo whipped out a water gun from the drawstring athletic bag on his back like it was a holster. Killua slapped a hand over his face as Ikalgo struggled with the nerf gun stuck on the backpack opening. 

“Oh, fuck,” Ikalgo said, twisting around and yanking on the bag. 

Alluka hopped off of the rocks one-by-one and bounded up in front of Killua. She plucked the nerf gun out of Ikalgo’s bag as she passed, and Ikalgo thrashed around with an incredulous, “Hey—! That’s mine!” 

Alluka tipped back on her heels and took a spin, beaming devilishly at Ikalgo as she waved the nerf gun and said, “You couldn’t even reach it so _ha!_ ”

Ikalgo groaned as Alluka gave Killua a side-hug and twirled Ikalgo’s nerf gun around her finger from the trigger loop. Her own gun was off to the side, propped up against the bridge’s railing. 

“Hey, how are you?” Killua asked, a faint smile on his lips. He couldn’t help it. It had been a while since he last saw his sister, and he was starting to wonder how he’d survive the summer without her. At Ikea, he had been too giddy on the high of pure _relief_ to fully engage with the situation. She was _fine_ and would continue to _be_ fine living at Miss Mito’s place.

It didn’t stop him from feeling relieved, though. 

“Your pseudo-adulthood is showing…” Alluka taunted. She swung the gun back to Ikalgo, and he caught it with a huff. 

Killua rolled his eyes, only to be interrupted by Ikalgo saying, “Yeah, _daddy_ — _oof!_ ”

Ikalgo crumpled under the force of Killua’s boot connecting with his shin. Alluka watched him go down, smiling wide. She looked up at Killua, who propped a hand on his hip and slung the other around her shoulders.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“You know, I thought you’d be on the other team. I take it that’s where the rest of your housemates are,” Killua confessed, and the two of them paused to watch Ikalgo stagger back to his feet, swaying like a drunken man.

Alluka turned back to him. “I was… before _you_ turned this whole thing into Ren Vs Hatsu.”

Killua blinked. The only thing he remembered contributing were the numbers Ikalgo provided. He didn’t think anything was off about that, though, until Alluka narrowed her eyes and continued:

“You invited half of Ren, Killua.”

“Did not,” he said, frowning. He looked to Ikalgo for confirmation. “Did we?”

Ikalgo shrugged. He counted them off on his fingers, frowning, and said, “Just… the football team, I guess. And… a few cheerleaders. And maybe some track team members?”

“Yeah, otherwise known as the size of our _usual_ nerf war,” Alluka said. “I knew it was a mistake letting _you two_ , of _all people_ , invite guests!”

“I didn’t think it was that big a deal,” Killua confessed, sighing. Alluka pulled away from him with a disgruntled sigh as she went to fetch her weapon. “Besides, twenty percent of every gathering don’t even show up.”

“Twenty percent would still make this the largest nerf battle of the century,” Alluka said, waving her gun dismissively.

Ikalgo let out a hollow laugh, leaning on his water gun as he swiped a finger at her and said, smug as ever, “Rippley’s Believe It Or Not would say _otherwise_ , missy.”

“I won’t hesitate to commit treason, bitch,” Alluka snapped, rolling up one sleeve of her flannel. 

She swapped her gun to the other hand so she could take care of the other sleeve, but Killua stopped her and said, “No in-fighting, please. I’m nervous enough as it is. We’ve never _done_ a nerf war before.”

“It’s easy,” Alluka said, rolling her eyes. “Cars are allowed, the entire town is our oyster, and Walmart is off-limits after what happened last year, but the abandoned K-Mart parking lot is where hell usually breaks loose anyway.”

“Wait, what happened at Walmart?” Ikalgo asked, eyebrow quirked. 

Alluka turned wary, averting her eyes. She rubbed the back of her neck and said, “It… got a bit heated… But that’s besides the point! I can explain more once everyone gets here.”

People Killua and Ikalgo’s class started to trickle in. Cars pulled into the baseball diamond parking lot and, from the gravel path leading in from the boulevard, a cluster of girls from the neighborhood over arrived. Killua recognized the black Ford pickup pulling into the park’s lot, and how it screeched to a halt in front of one of the rickety wooden spokes from a makeshift fence. 

The back bed was occupied by members from the football team hooting and hollering, and one of them raised their hands in the direction of the bridge and yelled, “Hey, Ikalgo, Killua! You’re here!”

“Meleoron!” Ikalgo cried, jumping with a gleeful laugh. He bounded forward, lunging over the walkway and careening in the direction of the parking lot where the boys got all rowdy and where Alluka and Killua watched with a vague sense of disdain for humanity. 

And then, the passenger door to the pickup truck propped open, and Killua’s disdain faded into a sensation that resonated from his chest to the lump in his throat and back again. 

He was tall, but from afar, the sheer broadness of his shoulders and the dense definition of his muscles made him appear stocky amongst the other football players. He had his black hair drawn back in a high, messy bun—the way he always wore it underneath his helmet. That day, though, he wasn’t dressed in uniform _or_ in athletic apparel. Instead, he came equipped to battle with a black hoodie, skinny jeans, and a pair of high-top basketball sneakers. 

_Meruem King_ , Killua thought, resisting the urge to stroke his own ego. A part of him always expected Meruem to ignore any invitation he or Ikalgo passed Meruem’s way. A part of him also expected Meruem to one day never invite Killua to a party again. 

He caught himself smiling when Meruem glanced in their direction. Meruem’s eyes hesitated, though, and it caught Killua off-guard when he raised a light, neutral wave in their direction.

“You two are still friends?” Alluka commented as Killua waved back.

“I wouldn’t call us ‘ _friends_ ’,” Killua confessed, rather dully. “I’d say we’re… second-degree friends.”

“Sounds like a burn.”

“Kinda feels like it,” Killua sighed. Sure, he talked to Meruem now and again, but he was only ever friends with the guy by association. They shared mutual friends and were, technically, in the same friend group. But they themselves weren’t strictly-speaking ‘ _friends_ ’.

Killua hooked his nerf gun under his arm as the guys from their friend group approached, laughing amongst themselves and smiling under the distant glow of the street lamps in the parking lot. The bridge, however, was dusted over in shadows. The sky was a deep blue that faded to orange in the direction of Chicago’s thick coat of light pollution.

“I hear we were _drafted_ by a young _Killua Zoldyck_ ,” Leol, a linebacker, teased as he slung an arm around Killua’s shoulders. 

Killua laughed and said, “Yeah, I’m glad you guys could make it.”

Colt offered Alluka a fist to bump, which she returned with a smile as he said, “Hey Alluka. Didn’t realize _you_ were coming.”

“Uh, yeah, I kinda live with the organizer of this whole shitshow,” Alluka confessed, cheeks flushed. She caught Killua’s eye, and he smiled encouragingly. She cleared her throat, “Which _means_ that I’m pretty much the only one here who knows what the hell is happening. Gon’s supposed to call soon and let us know what’s happening since the rules mighta changed since last time.”

“Last time?” a track team member said. She had left the truck with Meruem—she was always lingering around the quarterback, and Killua saw her at every party: Neferpitou, but she primarily went by Pitou. 

Beside her, another track kid by the name if Pouf said, “I feel like I’d know if something like this was happening around here.”

“You’d think so,” Pitou muttered off to the side. Pouf snickered as Pitou pouted and said, “And _we_ weren’t invited _last time?_ ”

Alluka gave them a dull look, which Killua felt mildly proud about. Half of the time Pitou pissed him off, but he had no intention of turning the entire track team against his dysfunctional social life.

“It _was_ a Hatsu tradition, to be fair,” Killua offered, drawing attention to him. He swallowed hard and shrugged, feigning disinterest. “We’re kinda crashing it.”

“Hatsu,” Pouf repeated, and the disgust in his voice was palpable. Killua furrowed his brow. “What are we doing playing _laser tag_ with _Hatsu kids?_ ”

“It’s not _laser tag_ , I already _told you that_ ,” Colt hissed from beside Alluka.

“Semantics,” Pouf sighed, waving a dismissive hand.

“Oh my _God_ ,” Colt groaned, spinning away in defeat as Ikalgo cracked up and slapped his knee. 

All during the banter that struck up at the mention of Hatsu, Killua noticed that Meruem kept quiet. He always did. Meruem observed from the middle of it all, opposite to the way Killua general did—from the outside. Pouf started arguing with Colt about the logistics of laser tag while Leol flirted with the girls from the neighborhood over—some cheerleaders Ikalgo had invited. Pitou started taking test-shots at one of Ren’s linebackers, Menthu, who sighed at nothing in particular and took the hits with little to no reaction.

And then, they got the call.

On Killua’s phone.

Killua extracted his phone from his pocket, thinking it was Illumi. His heart stopped at the thought, only to skip into rapid action at Gon’s ID on the screen. 

_He’s never called me_ , he thought in a mild panic.

He had forgotten to be terrified of this moment. If he knew anything about social gatherings, it was that _this was one_ , and that socializing meant _seeing peoples’ faces_. It meant that he would definitely, probably— _no_ , abso _lutely_ be seeing Gon Freecss in the flesh that day, and he wasn't sure if his heart could handle it. 

Ikalgo whistled low, and it caught the attention of the Nickelback team. “Hoo boy, what’s he gotta say?” Ikalgo taunted with a little “ _Yoohoo!_ ” action, all equipped with a dainty little wave and a wink that had Meleoron cackling. 

“Shut it,” Killua seethed at him. Alluka covered her mouth as Killua answered the call and put it on speaker. Nothing happened.

That is, until he offered a hesitant, “…Hey?”

A gasp crackled through the line.

“ _Gon’s strip club! You got the dough, we got the ho_ ,” a low, sultry voice answered and the bubble of laughter that went through the group only amplified the hot spike of _embarrassment_ that shot to his face.

“G- _Gon_ ,” he seethed, bringing the phone close as he looked anxiously to the ground. It just made the football team laugh harder. “You’re on _speaker_.”

“Jesus Christ,” Alluka groaned beside him, her head in her hands.

“ _S-Sorry! That was way funnier in my head,_ ” Gon said, but he was laughing at himself while Killua’s brain wadded frantically through the muck of embarrassment. 

He slapped a hand to the side of his face and avoided the tingling sensation that shot through every frayed nerve in his system. Gon’s voice was bright and reflected the internal voice Killua had inadvertently given Gon when reading Gon’s texts. It was borderline _childlike_ , if not worn and raspy like he spent his days yodeling on the rooftops. 

He probably _did_ spend his days like that, now that Killua thought about it.

“ _Oh! The rules!_ ” Gon chimed, frantic. “ _You guys have thirty minutes—well, okay, now twenty-_ eight _minutes—to assemble your team and pick a spot for your flag! Our entire town is ripe for the taking, and you have_ four _hours to capture the opposing team’s flag! Also, that's a lie: Walmart is off-limits after what happened last year, and I’d recommend_ not _stashing your flag in a store that is_ not _open twenty-four hours. Or even stashing your flag in_ any store _because we were accused of shoplifting and that is no fun_.”

Killua spared a second to glance at Alluka. She sighed and shrugged in a so-so manner. 

" _If you get hit by a nerf dart or hit by water, you have to sit still and_ not move _, text, call, or talk to your teammates in any way for ten minutes. Teammates can move their captured teammates, though. Each team is allowed to capture enemy players after hitting them, but the enemy players_ must _keep their weapons on hand. This means that you get hit, you can be escorted by the enemy to another location. And if you get hit and escorted by someone over the age of eighteen, this is probably an abduction and I highly recommend that you_ not _get in the strange man’s white van_.”

A laugh went through the group, and by then, Killua’s embarrassment had faded. He was mostly impressed by the fact that Gon was actually _talking straight_. Something had convinced him that Gon was incapable of delivering an entire speech full of rules. 

“ _If you get the enemy team’s flag, deliver it safely back to your headquarters and call me! You all have my number and don't abuse that power because my phone’s gonna be on the whole time and I_ will _track you down if you give away my location for unnecessary reasons. If there’s an emergency, though, call me! Or the police! Whichever makes the most sense. Okay, thank you, and have fun you guys!_ ”

**Friday,** 7:43 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Hey 😘  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
TRAITOR! You’re not supposed to be texting us!  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Tell me where you are  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
DON’T tell us where you are  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Innocent question smh  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Kurapika, you are never above cheating  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Also, how’s the Nickelback group?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
DON'T ASK INVASIVE QUESTIONS  
  
**GON:**  
I think he just means in a did-your-brothers-show-up kind of way  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh yeah no Illumi and Milluki aren’t here  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Killua is tho!  
  
**GON:**  
😁  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
You shoulda seen the look on Gon's face  
  
**GON:**  
😠  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Anyway time to lock those two idiots in a room together wHO'S IN  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
ME  
  
**LEORIO:**  
✋  
  
**GON:**  
NO WAIT  
  


“‘ _[Greetings](https://youtu.be/F57P9C4SAW4), loved ones. Let’s take a journey_,’” Meleoron said and, with a shimmy and a pop of his shoulders, Ikalgo stomped into an air guitar the shape of his nerf gun.

“‘ _I—know a place—where the grass is really green-er!_ ” he sang, skipping and landing with a pop in his hips. He lifted them, lowered, them, and hoisted them back up again much to the utter horror of Killua walking several paces behind them with Alluka at his side. 

“‘ _You could travel the wor-orld, but nothing comes close to the GOLDEN COAST_!’” Ikalgo and Meleoron sang in tandem, throwing their arms around one another and cackling as they came to a stop at an intersection. 

Meleoron, with his ‘sexy bedroom voice’ tackled one of Snoop Dog’s verses and he spanked Ikalgo’s ass when he sang, “‘Kiss her, touch her—squeeze her buns—‘” at which point Ikalgo let out a breathy orgasmic moan.

“Gross!” Alluka whined.

“Yeah, inappropriate guys, come on,” Killua said.

“You’re gonna disgrace our King, Snoop Dog?” Meleoron said.

“I’ll disgrace your _face_ , bucko!” Alluka said, and raced at him with a kick. Meleoron ducked to the side, laughing—

–only to scream bloody-murder when the _pop!_ of a plastic gun went off nearby.

A nerf dart pinned to the street lamp behind Killua. 

“We’re under attack!” Ikalgo cried.

Killua’s heart seized up in his chest. He expected to look like Rambo at the very least that day, but instead, he felt more like screaming like a little girl and hiding. But, given the gusto Ikalgo went into the war with, his frayed nerves reassembled themselves at the sight of some Hatsu kids ducking behind a nearby dumpster and giggling to themselves when Ikalgo opened fire. 

The kids took off running. One of them reached back with their water gun and sprayed at Ikalgo, who skittered out of the way on the tips of his toes as water splashed across the asphalt.

“We gotta get ‘em before they call their teammates!” Alluka said, leaping ahead and breezing past Killua, who staggered, still in shock that this was actually _happening_. Their town turned into a _war zone_.

“What do you mean?” Ikalgo said.

“Gon plays dirty—he gets everyone to gang up and takes prisoners,” Alluka explained.

It felt like the plot twist in a movie. Killua felt all hope evaporate. _Prisoners?!_ For some reason, he didn’t expect that rule to be such a big deal, but now? Now he pictured himself caged up with the rest of the Nickelbacks in a dugout somewhere by the Hatsu High School baseball diamonds, being hosed down with water guns at the start of every ten minutes to keep them imprisoned.

“It’s do or die,” Alluka said.

“Then let’s _do_ ,” Meleoron said, brandishing his weapon. 

“Hate to break it to you, but that didn’t sound very cinematic,” Killua said, but his teammates were already racing ahead. Killua sighed, “Whatever,” and chased after them. 

When they turned the corner, they caught their enemies across the street, in the middle of a narrow parking lot behind a pizzeria. “There!” Ikalgo screamed, startling their opponents, who seemed to be under the impression that Ren kids wouldn’t follow.

“Oh shit, it’s Alluka!” one of them cried as Alluka lead the charge with a battle cry. 

She kicked off of a decorative boulder on the sidewalk and pulled the trigger. She flew several yards with her dark hair flowing in the tungsten street lamps. The nerf dart nailed one of the Matchbox kids directly between the shoulder blades and pinged off as the kid cried out as if shot by an actual bullet.

The kid jerked, hands flung up as he collapsed to his knees and fell face-first into the pavement. “Phinks, no!” one of the girls cried while the other raised her gun at Alluka and yelled, “You bitch!”

Phinks reached out towards them as Alluka stuck her foot on his back. “Save—yourselves—” he choked out before Alluka clocked him in the back of the head with another dart. 

“No talking,” Alluka chastised.

“Look out!” Ikalgo cried, lunging in front of Alluka, water gun poised. He hosed down the two girls—at least, that was the intention. He slapped water over the face of the black-haired one, but the fiery pink-haired girl had already let loose a dart that suction-cupped to Ikalgo’s forehead. 

“Oh, shit! Nice aim!” Ikalgo said, laughing. He looked back at Alluka and pointed to the pink-haired chick, who shot at him again and pegged his hand. He looked at the dart just as Meleoron and Killua caught up and opened fire on the girl.

It was satisfying pulling the trigger, even if it _was_ just plastic—but perhaps it was _because_ it was just plastic that made the effect so _fulfilling_. He had invested in the best nerf gun several hours prior at Walmart and the cashiers seemed to understand that there was a trend, considering there were only two guns left on the shelves by the time Killua and Ikalgo got there.

Killua’s motorized blaster pinned the pink-haired girl _right_ …

—on the left boob.

“Alright! Nice one!” Ikalgo cried, and Alluka jabbed him in the back and said, “No talking.”

“Shit,” the girl muttered, plucking the dart off. She glared at Killua as he walked over to retrieve it, along with all of Alluka’s darts. Alluka was setting a timer on her phone for ten minutes.

“We’re out in the open—we should probably move,” Meleoron suggested. 

“Agreed,” Killua sighed. 

Alluka helped the guy off of the ground and, as they rounded their Hatsu prisoners up, Alluka gestured to each of them and said, “Phinks, Shizuku, and Machi. Guys, this is my brother Killua and his friends, Ikalgo and Meleoron.”

“Nice to meet you,” Shizuku said with a smile that had Meleoron and Ikalgo blushing. 

Ikalgo batted a hand at her and said, “You’re too kind.”

“I thought y’all aren’t supposed to talk,” Meleoron said. 

“They just can’t talk to each other,” Alluka said. “That rule started because Gon likes to interrogate prisoners.”

Killua shuddered with a grimace. He shared a look with Ikalgo, whose eyes widened. 

Phinks leant towards them, and Meleoron jerked away with a gasp. “He’s going to _murder_ you guys—Our leader doesn't take revenge lightly,” Phinks hissed through his teeth and alarmingly sharp canines.

“L-Leader?” Meleoron said.

Alluka sighed. “Killua’s boy toy.”

“He’s—!” Killua yelped before realizing that he had said anything at all. Alluka raised an eyebrow at him as their group disappeared into the shadows next to the pizzeria. “He's _not_ my _anything_. You're so ridiculous.”

“Gon’s seeing your brother?” Machi commented in a dry, unimpressed tone. Her lidded gaze showed contempt as she raked her eyes over Killua’s entire body. And then, she seemed to come to the conclusion that he didn’t look so bad after all. “Hm,” she said, and looked away.

“Dude your boyfriend sounds scary,” Meleoron said.

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Killua seethed in a heated, frantic way that made him feel like an alarmed cat. He brushed his hair back down, as if it was even standing on end, and calmed himself. “We just talk sometimes since Alluka’s living with the guy. It’s not a big deal.”

“Sounds like a big deal,” Machi droned.

“Gon has a boyfriend? Aw, cute,” Shizuku chimed.

Alluka giggled when Killua bristled all over again. 

They continued their trek to Ren’s designated prison, which was guarded by the football cheerleaders and Leol. It resided in the backyard of one of the residential houses—Killua was pretty sure it was Leol’s house, which Killua thought was pretty smart, all things considered. Alluka _did_ say that people were less likely to go careening through peoples’ yards and trespassing, but they certainly weren’t above it. 

Each of them put their hands over the prisoners eyes as they reached Leol’s street. Killua felt weird having someone’s eyelashes on his fingers, and Shizuku intentionally batted her eyes to tickle him. He hissed and seethed, “Stop it, that feels weird.” 

“Shoulda brought a blindfold…” she teased, but that earned her a blindly-executed kick from Machi.

“Do you…” Killua started, looking to Alluka, who had Machi’s eyes covered with her hand. Alluka looked back at him. “I take it… your friends take this pretty seriously.”

“Yeah. Kurapika’s gonna be pissed that we took prisoners,” Alluka said. 

_Great_ , Killua thought with a sigh. He wasn’t competitive, and that was one of the reasons why he didn’t engage with sports anymore.

At Leol’s backyard, Alluka complained that Leol hadn’t actually gotten out the rope she asked for. “I didn't think you were serious,” Leol said.

“Dead serious,” she said. “If they raid, our prisoners are gonna make a run for it. As soon as teammates are in touching-distance, they can run.”

“Oh, shit,” one of the cheerleaders whispered to another, and one of them whined, “God, this is so scary! I'm already afraid of the dark!”

They gathered rope from the shed and tied the prisoners’ ankles together. Once that was taken care of, Alluka turned to the wardens and jabbed her gun at them. They all coward. “ _Shoot them_ in exactly two minutes. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am!” the girls said, and Leol rolled his eyes. 

“Where do you think they would have hidden their flag?” Meleoron asked.

Alluka had already sent Meruem’s group on a scouting mission to the other side of town—to an industrial-looking office building with a water fountain out front. It had a large parking lot, which seemed to be Gon’s MO: space for a battle.

She had sent the discus guys and track sprinters with Colt to the abandoned K-Mart parking lot. It was mutually understood as a Final Stand type of place, and the track team was better equipped to deal with diversion tactics in a wide open space, and so she left them to collude amongst themselves to see how they could maximize their prisoner count.

“They would have left their flag unguarded—except for one hidden scout,” Alluka said, pacing. “They won’t stop us from taking it, but they’ll sound the alarm if we don’t neutralize them first. But as soon as we get in range of the scout, they’ll alert Gon that we’re in the area and to be prepared. Where, where, _where!_ Fuck!”

“Take your time—” Killua started, only to break off when Alluka shrieked in alarm.

“I know where it is—!” she cried, only to slap her hand over her mouth. The backyard went _deadly_ quiet.

A pair of headlights swept past them on the road. 

Killua looked at Alluka, who looked back at the prisoners. They glanced back at the road where they heard a car maneuvering through a Y-turn and circling back out front of Leol’s house.

“Is that them?” one of the cheerleaders whispered.

“How did they find us?” Meleoron whispered.

“Shoot the prisoners now—we can’t let them get out,” Alluka demanded of the cheerleaders as she snapped her fingers at Ikalgo, “Okay, you’re free. Time's up.”

“Thank the heavens,” Ikalgo sighed and rolled out from where he had been poised as the Matchbox’s prisoner.

The two of them, Killua, Meleoron, and Leol made a run for the side of the house.

A car door slammed. 

“Well, well, _well_ ,” a proud voice taunted, and Killua didn't miss the squeak of terror that went through Alluka, or the way their other teammates stilled in recognition.

The person that was on the very tip of their minds, intimidating them into submission when he wasn’t even _near them_.

_Gon Freecss_ , Killua thought, heart pounding in his chest. He had never felt quite like this, like a rabbit caught in a dog’s field of view.

“Sounds like _someone’s_ got hold of some of our Matches,” another voice taunted, and this time, Alluka nearly fainted. _Kurapika_. Kurapika was _there, too_.

“Gon _never_ goes to a jailbreak,” Alluka whispered, feverishly. “That’s Kurapika’s thing. What’s he _doing here?_ This is bad, this is so bad—”

“Why?” Leol whispered, ducking away from the edge of the house where Ikalgo was hiding in the bushes. 

“Because we can’t just _capture Gon_ ,” Alluka said, and Killua was reminded of their game plan that Alluka laid out for them at the bridge. Capturing Gon was a death sentence. “If we capture him, one of two things will happen: We’ll all go down at the wrath of his teammates, or straight anarchy ensues. He’s their _leader_ , and Kurapika doesn’t _take_ prisoners.”

“What does that mean,” Ikalgo whispered.

“It _means—_ don’t let him catch you,” Alluka whispered.

From what Alluka explained, Kurapika had a tactic: He enjoyed the thrill of the chase. Last year, evidently, he had picked people off one-by-one and kept tabs on them. He would stalk them across town, follow them to their hideouts, to the flag, and gather intel. Gon was the one who liked taking prisoners, but Kurapika was the one who liked using them _after_ they were caught.

They fell quiet at the sound of someone just on the edge of the property. Killua ducked lower, behind the hedges that flanked the siding on Leol’s house. 

“Should we scope out the backyard? I don’t hear anyone,” someone asked. 

Killua glanced at the prisoners, who were being kept underneath the deck that sheltered the basement patio door. They were all quiet, but alert, and the cheerleaders were crouched beside them. 

_How did they find us so quickly?_ Killua wondered, eyes wide. _How do they know the house we’re at?_

“We’ll wait for them to come out. If we stake out here, their teammates might be bringing the K-Mart prisoners here.”

Killua cursed internally. Clearly, the Matchboxes had a solid communication tactic, and there they were, running around like chickens with their heads cut off. They never heard anything about what happened at K-Mart. 

“So we can’t capture Gon,” Ikalgo whispered, leaning in close. The all bunched up together. “ _But_ … we could distract him? If he’s not focused on his teammates…”

“Yeah, that might work,” Alluka whispered.

“Distract him?” Killua said, hushed. He scoffed a little and rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t be too hard.”

A moment of silence passed, and Killua assumed they were all craning to listen to whatever Kurapika and Gon were talking about on the sidewalk. When he looked back, however, they were all staring at him. 

“What?” Killua whispered.

“Hey… Leol?” Alluka started, turning back to Leol, who straightened a little. “Do you happen to still have those white beanies from Homecoming?”

“I, um, yeah?” Leol said. 

“Good. Get them.”

It was chaos from the moment Ikalgo equipped the white beanie. 

After texting Colt _not_ to go to Leol’s place, Ikalgo took care in tucking in his hair and, since it was so dark out, the deep, caramel shade of his skin didn’t make much of a difference, especially when he pulled his hood over his head like Killua had. From afar, he _looked like Killua_.

Meanwhile, however, Killua sat begrudgingly next to the prisoners with a scowl, arms folded, and annoyance seeping through his entire being. As if Gon’s ridiculous introduction hadn’t condemned him enough, the fact that his friends were going along with Alluka’s antics sure did. 

“I don’t see why this could even _work_ as a plan,” he whispered to no one in particular. He looked at the prisoners with a scowl and said, “How did they even find us anyway.”

“Well, _I’ve_ got a—” Shizuku started, but her teammate gave her a sharp nudge with his elbow.

Alluka stopped. She turned sharply, eyeing Shizuku, her gaze flitting frantically between them as she pieced something none of the rest of them knew about. Alluka put her hand to her chin and muttered something under her breath and, a moment later, she slapped her hands over her face and moaned, hushed, “I’m such an idiot… I didn’t think he’d implement it so quickly.”

“What is it?” Meleoron asked.

“Shizuku is the only one with an iPhone,” Alluka explained. “Gon… _might_ have suggested at one point we… all configure our phones to one Apple ID and use Find My iPhone. But not everyone at Hatsu has an iPhone like _some_ people.”

“So _you’re_ telling _me_ we coulda hijacked Shizuku’s this entire time?” Ikalgo said, and the look of abject horror he received from half of the cheerleaders and Meleoron was overshadowed by Leol and Alluka’s interest.

“That… is actually a pretty solid plan,” Alluka confessed. 

Ikalgo lunged to his feet, beanie equipped, and said, “I’ll regroup with you guys later.”

“ _Don’t_ get hit,” Alluka said as Ikalgo jogged to the fence with a maniacal cackle that could likely be heard from the front yard. 

Ikalgo jumped the fence into the neighbor’s hard and took off with a holler. Killua and the others fell quiet, tense, listening to the sound of Kurapika sounding the alarm and sending half of the group splitting off to chase Ikalgo down. 

“That—That looks like Killua,” they distantly heard _from Gon_.

“That’s _not_ Killua—Gon! Come on!” Kurapika groaned, slapping something down. “You’ve been _shrieking_ at every blonde person we see! Gon, get back here!”

Alluka gave Killua a smug grin. Killua shoved his hand in her face and said, “Shut up. Let’s get out of here.”

They untied their hostages and ran with them _—_ but not until Alluka confiscated Shizuku’s phone and gave it a triumphant wave. She pocketed it and took off after them to the opposite fence. She bounded off of Meleoron’s braced hands, which he used to hoist each of them up and over the wooden pallets. 

“H-Hey! Alluka, you little shit!” someone shouted from the road— _Kurapika_.

“Oh, fuck!” Meleoron cried as Alluka shrieked, tumbling over the fence. Killua scrambled, barely managing to catch her and buckling under her weight. Meleoron took a running leap for the fence just as Kurapika _let loose_.

Kurapika came barreling down the hill beside Leol’s house. Killua had never seen _anyone_ run quite that fast. One second Killua saw Meleoron’s hands clutch the top of the fence, his head barely in view, and the next Meleoron disappeared from side, his hands scraping off of the fence.

Alluka staggered back against Killua, arms out. Killua held her around the shoulders, eyes wide with horror at the sound Meleoron made when Kurapika body-slammed him to the ground.

And then, through the gap in the fence that showed them Meleoron’s (un)conscious body, Kurapika’s eye appeared, wide and psychotic. 

Through clenched teeth, Kurapika snarled:

“I’m coming for you.”

Alluka squeaked in terror, slapping her hands to Killua’s numb arms. He cursed and skidded, feet sliding across the dewy grass as he and Alluka took off at an all-out _sprint_.

“Don't leave me—!” Meleoron moaned behind the fence as Killua and Alluka trespassed like law enforcement was the better bet when pitted against the blonde beast vaulting over Leol’s neighbor’s fence.

They barreled between tree-lined borders, underneath swing-sets, and through the flash of motion-censored floodlights. Killua’s heart _stung_ as it every beat pierced closer and closer to his ribcage. The cool night air swept straight through his lungs and through his innards like needles as he and Alluka kept a brutal pace, gaining on Leol, the prisoners, and the cheerleaders.

Killua and Alluka flew past them, carrying a buffet of wind with them. 

Leol staggered in alarm, and one of the cheerleaders screamed. “ _Run!_ ” Alluka yelled, but by then, Leol had already turned and got a face-full of Kurapika’s water blaster.

Killua grabbed Alluka by the sleeve of her flannel and steered them both towards the road. Kurapika’s appearance had sent the cheerleaders scattering and the Matchbox fugitives whooping and hollering in triumph as Kurapika took down the cheerleaders one-by-one in a stranger’s backyard. 

As Killua and Alluka escaped the wrath of Kurapika, other, more important things were happening on the other end of the street where Gon led a flock of Matches after their diversion: a _very_ fast and _very_ giddy Ikalgo.

Ikalgo couldn’t stop laughing. It bubbled out of him before he could stop it, and he blamed it on the nervous energy that kept his arms and legs pumping as he skidded across the asphalt, his hand grazing the concrete as he careened around the corner and narrowly avoided a nerf dart to the hip in the process. 

“Oh, fuck,” he giggled, vaulting onto the sidewalk as he darted through a set of hedges and out of view of the oncoming fleet.

Gon and the others appeared at the corner of the street, dumbfounded when they found the road completely empty. But then, they heard it: Ikalgo’s maniacal laughter crossing through a stranger’s yard and over to the next block.

“There!” one of his teammates shouted, pointing through the cypress hedges. 

Ikalgo vaulted over an iron railing at the edge of someone’s property, where a set of concrete steps met the sidewalk. He hit the ground staggering and glanced over his shoulder to the end of the block he just cut the corner on. 

And then, a speed demon shot around the corner like a bat out of hell.

“Shit!” Ikalgo screamed, lunging over the hood of a car without thinking and taking the momentum with him across the street.

He had never felt like his life was on the line until that day. Okay, well, that was a bit of an exaggeration: One time during track practice he had attempted to pole-vault and nearly snapped his neck in two on impact—but that was besides the point! 

The point was that he felt the thread of his life stretched thin from that iron railing across the street, and his assailant was grappling with it, reeling it back up, and crushing it between his fingers.

He turned with his water gun poised, lungs burning, and just as he was about to spray, he was shot directly in the chest with a nerf dart before someone pitched him to the side, punching the living _daylights_ out of his lungs.

Ikalgo went down with a choked curse. His shoulders ricocheted off the grass before being pinned by two firm hands slamming him into the ground.

It took a second for Ikalgo’s eyes to even open after the impact. There was damp grass on his cheek, and, panting, he opened his eyes to find them captured by the halo of street lamps illuminating his assailant’s perfect, messy, _wet_ black hair and round, freckled cheeks glistening with water and sweat

They stared at one another, completely still aside from their heaving chests and aching lungs. 

His assailant’s eyes swept over him, and Ikalgo distinctly felt inadequate. Clearly, he wasn’t what the guy expected, and it showed in the tinge of confusion that puckered between his brows.

The guy bit his lip and Ikalgo felt his soul ascend right with the air in his lungs.

“Hey Ikalgo,” he said, and Ikalgo thought he might actually have a concussion. Was he dreaming? Was this real life? 

The guy’s hands clenched into fists on Ikalgo’s chest, and too late did Ikalgo realize that he had a fist-full of _Ikalgo’s shirt_. He heaved Ikalgo’s torso off of the ground just to bring him close and ask, all cheek and smoldering brown eyes, “Where’s your friend?”

“I-I, um…” Ikalgo floundered, voice cracking. Shit, was he getting turned on right now? No way in _hell_ —he was straight as a goddamn _yardstick_. What was he if not a hoe for a nice set of tits?

But there he was, straddled and being threatened by an absolute _gem_ of a devil.

“Gon,” someone called, and it pulled the guy’s attention away and Ikalgo’s brain fizzled out and died in a plume of smoke out of his ears. “Leorio spotted Killua and Alluka making a break for it on 8th Street.”

“Shit,” Gon cursed, releasing Ikalgo’s shirt from his gorgeous clutches. Ikalgo hit the ground, head spinning. “Bag this one up. I’ll meet you guys back at the truck.”

“Roger that,” his teammate said, and Ikalgo relented to being carried bridal-style back to the Matchbox 20 truck. He left his dignity behind on that stranger’s lawn where Gon had physically tackled him and straddled him that fateful night.

**Friday,** 11:12 PM  
**MERUEM:**  
Hey, got your flag  
  
**MERUEM:**  
[ Photo evidence of the flag at North Park Bridge ]  
  
**GON:**  
Thanks Meruem! I’ll call off the game 👍  
  


**Friday,** 11:15 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Was the flag really in a goat shed  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn, well played. Glad Alluka guessed right  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Yeah your sister’s pretty cool  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Thanks man  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Interested in a pool party? Pitou’s throwing.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nah I’m kinda beat. Thanks though  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Sure thing  
  
**MERUEM:**  
😘👍  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Sorry Pouf keeps stealing my phone  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hot tip: Change your password  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Noted  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore the formatting issue at the end :T I'm just as peeved as you are lol


	17. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?

**Saturday,** 9:15 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Thanks for letting us crash your nerf war  
  
**GON:**  
I’m glad you came!!  
  
**GON:**  
Did you have fun??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
DEFINITELY worth dropping $50 on a nerf gun at walmart yesterday  
  
**GON:**  
You BOUGHT a nerf gun for this??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well yeah I didn’t own one  
  
**GON:**  
You didn’t OWN A NERF GUN??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not all of us had a CHILDHOOD, Gon!  
  
**GON:**  
Fair lol  
  
**GON:**  
Well, now you can have a childhood! You got the nerf gun for it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I guess  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How else did you spend your childhood  
  
**GON:**  
Catching frogs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Seriously?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you just making me relive your childhood now?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe lol  
  
**GON:**  
I also spent an absurd amount of time making forts out of sticks in the woods  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Interesting…  
  
**GON:**  
And eating wild leeches  
  
**GON:**  
*leeks  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I was seriously concerned for a second there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Leeks grow around here?  
  
**GON:**  
Absolutely  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Damn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Learn something new every day  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah! Honestly some of my forts are probably still up  
  
**GON:**  
You know Bradford Woods?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hmm the one behind the fairgrounds?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
My longest standing fort was in there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude that’s gotta be like a mile’s worth of forest  
  
**GON:**  
I know it’s great  
  
**GON:**  
There’s a little creek running through there  
  
**GON:**  
That’s where the leeks are  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I take it this is you subtly suggesting I go scope it out  
  
**GON:**  
I mean, do you have anything else planned today??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Bold of you to assume I don’t have a life  
  
**KILLUA:**  
… No I don’t have anything planned  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll keep you posted  
  


**Saturday,** 10:02 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Illumi and I are going to Bradford Woods. Wanna come?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I mean sure?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
To stash a body  
  
**IKALGO:**  
My body?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Could be  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Damn alright I’ll come  
  


**Saturday,** 10:45 AM  
**GON:**  
O, but speaking of the fairgrounds!  
  
**GON:**  
Are you gonna be around for the county fair?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why wouldn’t I be?  
  
**GON:**  
I dunno people go traveling in the summer or up to their cabins…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think I’m gonna be around  
  
**KILLUA:**  
My family took a trip for spring break so I don't think we have anything else planned  
  
**GON:**  
Okay cool!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**GON:**  
No reason  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Were you gonna ask if I’m… going to the county fair?  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe 😳  
  
**GON:**  
But also I’m wondering if I can get Milkweed registered for those farm animal competitions  
  
**GON:**  
She’d win the first place ribbon, hands down  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don't you have to be in a club for that??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway I’ll probably be going with Alluka at some point  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We always get the day pass for the rides  
  
**GON:**  
O shit same!  
  
**GON:**  
Maybe we could all go!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure, that’d be cool  
  
**GON:**  
Cool!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nice  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok I gotta go I’ll keep you posted on what day Alluka and I decide on  
  
**GON:**  
Ok!  
  


**Saturday,** 12:13 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
[ IMAGE SENT: Photo next to a shallow creek with a rough bridge made out of three thick logs tied together with worn, dirty twine ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you make this?  
  
**GON:**  
O shit you're actually there!  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I made that bridge when I was 10 or something  
  
**KILLUA:**  
My brother walked across it and almost broke it  
  
**GON:**  
That’s fine lol they're super easy to make  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wtf do you mean it’s “easy to make”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Bitch I can’t even whittle a stick  
  
**GON:**  
What! Nuh uh it's super easy  
  
**GON:**  
And that’s, like, BASIC BOY SCOUT SHIT  
  
**GON:**  
Weren’t you in boy scouts?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do I LOOK like I spent my childhood whittling sticks out in the wilderness?  
  
**GON:**  
Not especially  
  
**GON:**  
You just look like you came out of the womb as a prep 😝  
  
**KILLUA:**  
One of these days I’ll beat your ass, Freecss  
  
**GON:**  
With what 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to god  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You have the strongest fuck boy energy I’ve ever had the displeasure of experiencing  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg thank you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That wasn’t a compliment  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ IMAGE SENT: A fallen oak tree whose roots are exposed, leaving behind a massive dent in the earth. The tree fell across a boulder, leaving the underside open. Sticks have been deliberately leant against either side of the fallen trunk and sewn together with twine. Illumi and Ikalgo are off to the side, doing the Bless Up pose. ]  
  
**GON:**  
That’s it!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ I can’t believe we found it  
  
**GON:**  
Who’s that!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who’s who  
  
**GON:**  
The guy with the manbun!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s my brother Illumi  
  
**GON:**  
He looks like he’s forty!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m gonna tell him you said that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He said, and I quote, “I’ll take that as a compliment since the rest of you get confused with 12 year olds. At least I won’t be getting ID-ed at every bar.”  
  
**GON:**  
OOOOH  
  
**GON:**  
SHIT!!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I do tend to look like I’m twelve  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I always get hit on by twelve year olds at Six Flags  
  
**GON:**  
!!!  
  
**GON:**  
What are you doing at Six Flags??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I like to fear for my life sometimes  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It might be considered a problem  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also haven’t we discussed Six Flags before? Didn’t you go on a field trip there?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah! Haven’t gone since tho 😖  
  
**GON:**  
At least the fair is coming up!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ha yeah that’s true  
  


**Saturday,** 1:34 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
Do you ever feel  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
No.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Like a plastic bag  
  
**IKALGO:**  
drifting through the wind  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
WANTING TO START AGAIN  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Stop it no  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
DO YOU EVER FEEL !!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
SO PAPER THIN  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Like a house of cards!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
ONE BLOW 🌬 FROM CAVING IN  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Just get to the point already  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YOU JUST GOTTA IGNITE 🔥  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
THE LIGHT 💡  
  
**LEORIO:**  
And let  
  
**IKALGO:**  
IT SHINE!! ✨✨✨  
  
**GON:**  
JUST OWN  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
THE NIGHT 🌃🌚  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
LIKE THE  
  
**LEORIO:**  
FOURTH  
  
**IKALGO:**  
OF  
  
**GON:**  
OF  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GON!!  
  
**GON:**  
I’M SORRY  
  
**GON:**  
THERE WASN’T A PATTERN I PANICKED  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Twas doomed from the start  
  


**Monday,** 10:24 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey county fair’s this week  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah! I think the all day pass is on Thursday!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sweet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Would it be ok if Gon came with us?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
👀👀👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
👀 I’m sorry I just 👀 thought I heard 👀 you say 👀 that you wanted 👀 Gon to come with us 👀 👀 👀   
  
**KILLUA:**  
We were already talking about it it’s not a big deal  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh? 👀 👀 👀   
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine then I just won’t invite him  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Don’t be such a wet blanket  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No I just wanna spend time with you it might be too chaotic with him anyway  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He IS a chaotic lad  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah so this works  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you POSITIVE you don't want Gon to come with us?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I don’t mind really  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No no he shouldn’t come with us  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The day pass thing is, like, OUR thing anyway. Tradition or whatever  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Right…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Well if you change your mind, I could 👀 conveniently 👀 bump into some friends 👀 👀 👀   
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh Alluka  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
That way you two can spend some time together!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That sounds like a HORRIBLE idea and I’m mildly terrified now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You, me, The Zipper, Thursday at 5PM  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ooh and that one that goes WOOSH AAAAAH seesaw  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Freak Out?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YEAH  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What rides were at your county fairs??
> 
> Also, 3 suburbia tidbits in this chapter: Families having a designated yearly trip—2 if they're lucky, but the second one is usually to visit family over Winter Break. That one forest in town that everyone knows about but the city never put trails in it, or if they did, they're overgrown now. The county fair being the biggest shindig of the summer and 4-H farm competitions dominate it for whatever reason.


	18. The county fair is where dreams come true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long ass chapter. Strap in.

**Tuesday,** 5:55 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey, figured I’d let you know that just Alluka and I are gonna go to the fair Thursday for that all-day pass thing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Since I don’t get to see her much anymore, I mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Which isn’t to say you can’t go or whatever! Like, I don’t own the fairgrounds  
  
**GON:**  
Really?? I thought you were king of the county  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gross never call me that again  
  
**GON:**  
What, king of the county?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, no, never call me that again  
  
**GON:**  
Really? King of the county?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re fucking LUCKY we aren’t hanging out tomorrow  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Thin fucking ice, buddy  
  
**GON:**  
Well if you aren’t king of the county, you have no dominion over me  
  
**GON:**  
Unless… you have dominion over me in other ways 👀😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to God, God  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*Gon  
  
**GON:**  
GOD??  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah that’s me  
  
**GON:**  
Guilty as charged  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It was a TYPO  
  
**GON:**  
What’s my name in your contacts??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Punk Ass Bitch  
  
**GON:**  
Really?  
  
**GON:**  
Yours is Beloved  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck off it is not  
  
**GON:**  
[ IMAGE SENT: Screenshot of their conversation, in which Killua’s ID name is “Beloved”. ]  
  
**GON:**  
Why aren’t you answering  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUA  
  


**Tuesday,** 6:13 PM  
**GON:**  
Ok so I’m gonna invade the county fair Thursday and hunt down Killua  
  
**GON:**  
Fuck Alluka’s in this group chat isn’t she  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
That’s ok I’m on board with this  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I’m astonished by how thirsty you are Gon  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Drink some koolaid and go leash train Weed or whatever  
  
**GON:**  
I’m not thirsty!  
  
**GON:**  
I just haven’t met Killua yet! And I’m mad cuz the rest of you guys have!  
  
**LEORIO:**  
What’re you gonna do when you see him?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
He’s probably gonna go in for a hug and just never let go  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Accurate  
  
**GON:**  
AM NOT!  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Are too!  
  
**GON:**  
Also who decided that I’m even INTO KILLUA?? I never said ANYTHING that suggested that  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
[ IMAGE SENT: Screenshot of when Gon texted Zushi, “OH NO HE’S HOT”. ]  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Oh my God this is priceless  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YOU’RE KIDDING  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Please tell me this is real  
  
**GON:**  
ZUSHIIII 😫  
  
**LEORIO:**  
If it helps at all, I was not fully convinced that you were still texting Killua  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
He’s always on his phone  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah, and half of the time he’s looking at pictures of Rick Grimes  
  
**GON:**  
Guilty 💁🏽♂️  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
For the record, Alluka, I’m glad your brother doesn’t look like Rick Grimes  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Me too lol  
  
**GON:**  
I would have put more effort in if he had  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Stone cold  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Oh SHIT that was brutal  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😤😠  
  


**Wednesday,** 11:35 AM  
**GON:**  
Hey! Do you wanna play 20 questions?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sounds like a fuckboy move but all right, I’ll bite  
  
**GON:**  
Bite what 😳  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s a phrase, dumbass  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why is everything vaguely sexual with you  
  
**GON:**  
I’m a vaguely sexual person  
  
**GON:**  
Ok since you went NOW I GO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait that wasn't my question  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also I don't think this is how 20 questions works??  
  
**GON:**  
What did you name your childhood stuffed animal  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck kind of question is that?  
  
**GON:**  
Answer the question before you go around asking more questions!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t think I had stuffed animals, but I remember stealing my little brother's toy and naming it  
  
**GON:**  
YOU STOLE MILLUKI’S TOY??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO Milluki's my older brother!  
  
**GON:**  
yOU HAVE ANOthER BROTHER?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Stop asking questions I haven't fully answered yours yet  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It was one of those cursed baby dolls with the hard plastic head, feet, and hands and the rest of it was fabric  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God I hate thinking about this  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I used to keep it fully nude at all times and would hurl it across the room just to hear the plastic limbs go THONK against the linoleum  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Its name was [Bigfoot Larry](https://beetledrink.tumblr.com/post/177465685443/i-hate-that-post-thats-like-what-you-named-your)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why aren't you responding  
  
**GON:**  
When I tell you I just walked outside to SCREAM  
  
**GON:**  
AAHAHA  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not that funny  
  
**GON:**  
I’m completely-  
  
**GON:**  
OVERWHELMED  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine then what did YOU name YOUR stuffed animals, heathen  
  
**GON:**  
I had a stuffed penguin that was only allowed out during Christmas (because he was a festive penguin and i think he was supposed to be decoration)  
  
**GON:**  
And he had a cute lil bell on the top of his head  
  
**GON:**  
So I named him Jingle On The Head  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok wow that's pretty wholesome  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why the fuck did you let me answer first?? I wouldn’t have shared something so chaotic  
  
**GON:**  
That’s ok! I appreciated the candidness  
  
**KILLUA:**  
:T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok my turn to ask a question  
  
**GON:**  
Kk shoot  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why do you let your friends make you feel guilty for interacting with people you used to hang out with?  
  
**GON:**  
Holy shit why are we psychoanalyzing me now??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Answer the question  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon I swear if you say you got “distracted” again I’ll drive straight over to Miss Mito’s place  
  
**GON:**  
Ugh fine  
  
**GON:**  
They’re my best friends because I hold their opinions in high regard  
  
**GON:**  
Cuz, like, I have a lot of friends but I don’t want my Best Friends specifically to feel disappointed with me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But it’s like they don’t trust that you’re capable of handling yourself  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but they’re kinda right…  
  
**GON:**  
My old friend group was really good at convincing me to do things I wouldn't normally do  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m satisfied with this answer  
  
**GON:**  
I’m really exhausted now 😩 Why’d you go in for the big guns so soon??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Because sometimes I think you need a therapist. Everyone should go to therapy at some point  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok my turn to ask a question  
  
**GON:**  
WAIT, THAT WASN’T MY QUESTION  
  
**GON:**  
YOU’RE TAKING OVER MY GAME, KILLUA  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you so territorial of your aunt when she’s a single mother of four who deserves to make her own decisions when it comes to that neighbor guy?  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUA STOP IT 😩😭  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought this was how 20 Questions works  
  
**GON:**  
NO IT ISN’T 😂😭  
  


**Thursday,** 4:23 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m gonna be heading over soon! I’ll meet you by the roasted almond stand?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck yeah that sounds good. Grab me some?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Sure 😊  
  


From Killua’s car, he followed the scent of sweet, sugary roasted almonds through a neighborhood park outside of the fairgrounds. The grassy parking lot was already packed, so he had to find a spot several blocks over. The walk was populated with families traveling to and from the fair, in their hands cotton candy, brats, stuffed toys won from the plethora of carnival games across the grounds.

Killua eyed a particularly suspicious stuffed penguin in the arms of a small, snotty kid and thought to himself, _Wonder if this was what Gon was referring to…_

“Killua!” a familiar, bright voice called from ahead. 

He straightened, a smile spreading across his lips at the sight of Alluka leaping up from a bench outside of the horse barns. She bounced up with her arms up, her bright yellow overalls cut off at the knees and layered over a black t-shirt—easy to spot, and hard to miss.

“Howdy, horse girl,” Killua said just as they were about to hug. The comment earned him a punch in the gut instead, though.

He grunted at the impact and as he clutched at it, Alluka huffed, “I’m only over here ‘cause the roasted almonds are right over there, you asshat!”

He laughed, tackling her around the shoulders just as a group of Actual Horse Girls strolled by wearing matching overalls. The two of them watched the group sidle by and, afterwards, Alluka glared at him and said, “Overalls _aren’t_ a part of the horse girl brand aesthetic.”

“Sure they aren’t,” he teased. 

Alluka weaseled her way out of his hold and kicked him in the shin before running off, cackling as she went. Killua jogged after her, yelling, “Abuse! You do realize who’s paying for the wristbands, right?!”

She spun around, stuck her tongue out and said, “I can pay for _myself_ , thank you very much!”

She thrust a bag of almonds into his hands as he caught up. They were wrapped in one of those funnel-shaped, blue-checkered wax papers and smelled just as heavenly as they always did. He popped one in his mouth and sighed in delight—crunchy on the outside, yet oh-so sweet and soft on the inside from the crystalized sugar. 

They traversed around the food stands that were lined up in long aisles between the 4-H barns and galleries. They spent far too long staring at a lemonade stand with their collectable plastic cups the size of watermelons, so Killua stepped in line and got them a strawberry lemonade to split. They found a spot in the sweltering sunlight to sit and people watch while they polished off their almonds.

The breeze was cool, though, and it swept through Killua’s hair as he looked out past the food stands and towards the bridge that marked the barrier between happy-go-lucky fair activities and Certain Doom. The rides and carnival games were in that direction, and he knew as soon as they crossed over, they wouldn't be coming back.

Alluka was already plotting it out.

“So I was thinking we limit our focus to those goldfish games while we wait for our food to digest. _But_ , when we win a goldfish—”

“Who said anything about ‘ _when_ ’?” he said, startled. “We _never_ win goldfish.”

“I’m being optimistic for once, hush up,” she said. “So anyway, I _was_ thinking we do goldfish games first, but then when we win the goldfish, I don’t want to have to temporarily abandon him when we get on rides, so maybe we go see the cute little ducks and chickens in the 4-H barn while we _digest_ , and then we go on rides, and then we end the night with games.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said as he tossed the wax paper into the bin beside them. 

One very obvious point of conflict with the county fair was a simple fact of life: that the biggest county event of the summer was visited by people that they _knew_. Killua always went to the fair knowing that he’d be stopped by people from Ren, or that Alluka would be recognized by people from Hatsu, but he never expected _both_ populations to converge on them in varying degrees.

It started with spotting Colt and Meleoron being total dumbasses at the bungee-jumping station. He was fairly positive they were too old for that game, but he and Alluka stopped to watch Colt perform three summersaults in the air before Meleoron performed a backflip and fell directly on his ass. At this point, Colt spotted them and took a buoyant leap in the air as he waved and said, “Hey guys!”

“Oh, shit!” Meleoron cursed, upside down and flying in ways that made the workers nervous.

Alluka giggled as Killua offered a charming smile and a wave and called out, “Looks like fun!” over the music playing in the tent next door.

They waved farewell and the moment they were out of earshot, Alluka burst into laughter, and Killua slapped a hand to his forehead and muttered, “My friends are idiots. I don’t even think they meet the height limitations for that anymore…”

“Yeah, no, they definitely don’t,” she said, brushing a hand over her teary eyes. 

As they continued on towards the chicken pens, Alluka glanced over her shoulder towards the barn she _knew_ was occupied by a certain someone—

—A certain someone who _should_ have been on Watch Duty, but instead could be found getting distracted by the plethora of goats at his fingertips.

“Milkweed would crush _all_ of these fools beneath her powerful hooves,” Gon declared, fists clenched and legs braced apart like he was about to bench an entire wagon full of goats.

“I have a feeling that if you ever have kids, you're gonna be the dad that screams on the sidelines of your kids’ baseball games,” Kurapika said.

Down the row, Leorio cupped his hands over his mouth and in his best impression of a Boston announcer, rattled off a flurry of, “ _Aaaand—_ WHAMMY! Narrowly missing a second strike—what an air-shatterin’ ripple at the horsehide that coulda ramycackled that pill right outa here! A wide-breakin’ curve that sure didn’t look like it went over that old platter from here, folks—”

Kurapika punched him in the arm, which effectively slapped the nonexistent microphone out of his hand.

Gon spiraled over to the next gates, glancing over the pens of goats and over the pig stalls. He chimed in with a flat-toned radio voice: “He’s taking first—left field’s got the ball, passing it to second and— _THERE SHE IS!_ ”

He broke off with a shriek, lunging around the corner of the stalls and swinging out onto the ramp exiting the barn. Kurapika startled with a curse as Gon breezed past him at the sight of what _had to be_ the back of Alluka’s head passing the barns, walking alongside a guy with bleached hair— 

Gon skidded out into the open just as Kurapika and Leorio gathered what was happening. Leorio reached out with one long arm and grabbed Gon by the back of his t-shirt. 

Gon squeaked, the collar choking him as he was yanked back into the shade of the barn and the smell of stuffy hay. 

“Easy there, cowboy,” Leorio said, clasping both hands to Gon’s shoulders. “That’s not Alluka.”

“Yes it is!” Gon cried.

Kurapika leant out of the barn, gave the two passerby’s one look, and decided, “Definitely not. Dude, she’s wearing _yellow overalls_ and _that_ person is definitely _not_ wearing yellow overalls.”

Gon slumped, pouting. He crossed his arms and shook Leorio’s hand off of him as Leorio sighed and droned, “If we hadn’t’ve gotten distracted by the goats, _maybe_ we would have seen Killua by now.”

Kurapika groaned and said, “I told you: we should have split up. I’m better at stakeouts than you two are—”

The two of them bickered about who would babysit Gon all whilst Gon got distracted by the smell of deep-fried blooming onions and wandered off towards the food stands. It took approximately two minutes for Kurapika and Leorio to realize that they completely lost track of Gon.

Kurapika pinched the bridge of his nose, approximately two seconds away from a migraine. Leorio went into a panicked tizzy, dragging his hands down the sides of his face as he moaned, “We should have brought Zushi with us—he’s got a sixth sense when it comes to reading Gon’s mind.”

“We don’t exactly need a _translator for this_. He probably spotted Alluka and her brother,” Kurapika said, to which Leorio cried, "He would have started _shouting_ and you _know it—!_ ”

Meanwhile, Killua could be found poking at the award ribbons on the cages of some especially fine-looking roosters that were squawking and waddling around, fluffing their feathers, and looking overall majestic as fuck. Alluka was busy cooing over the chicks in a heated pen nearby. All of the birds were kept in a facility with wide open doors and glass panels surrounding the enclosures. 

And, as Killua ducked down to see the bottom row of roosters, Gon could be found wandering past the window behind Killua, his eyes focused on a nearby koi pond. 

**Thursday,** 4:59 PM  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Ok well Code Red we lost Gon and he's not answering his phone  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh no 😩 Where could he have gone?? Where are you guys??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
We’re by the pig barns  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Did you check the goats  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
O no of course we didn’t  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
YES WE DID we were there like five minutes ago WITH GON  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Have you guys eaten yet?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
No we were waiting for Alluka and Killua to meet up  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Then he’s probably getting chili dogs  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Wait no he works at the Doghouse now  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
He's probably eating something deep-fried that isn’t french fries  
  
**LEORIO:**  
SEE?? I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT ZUSHI  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
WE DON'T NEED A TRANSLATOR  
  
**LEORIO:**  
OUR SON HAS GONE MISSING AND ZUSHI IS OUR ONLY HOPE  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Ten bucks says Gon ISN’T by the food stands  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
We all know Gon works fast he’s probably already got his food and left  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
In other words: do NOT take that bet  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
^^^  
  


Gon was not immune to familiar faces at the fair, which may or may not have contributed to his lack of concentration. He would up walking with Machi and Shizuku for some time while they bought their wristbands for the rides. He was marveled by all the brilliant neon lights and signs stretched high over their heads. 

There was a demolition derby due to start at dusk on the other side of the monstrous stadium seating. Underneath the stadium were burger stands crafted of the finest local meats around Illinois. They stood at the entrance beneath the stadium, breathing in the smokey fumes while Shizuku finished off her cup of Hawaiian ice.

Machi clipped the wristband to Shizuku’s arm before helping Gon with his. “So… Where's the rest of your rag-tag team?” she asked.

Gon hummed and confessed, “Don't know. Got a bit lost, but I’m sure I'll find them eventually. We're on a mission.”

“A mission?” she laughed dully, crossing her arms. Gon inspected the wristband with a bright smile and gave her a nod. “Does it have anything to do with Mr. Perfect from the nerf war?”

Gon’s smile simmered into a grin. “Maybe. He’s hanging out with Alluka today.”

Shizuku made a startled noise around her plastic spoon. She popped it out of her mouth and shook it at him and said, “Hey, you should hang with us later! Uvo’s driving Shal and Chrollo. I think they’re picking up Phinks, too.”

Gon's smile twitched, but Machi didn’t catch it—she was too busy pointing out red dye from the Hawaiian ice on Shizuku’s cheek. 

As Shizuku scrubbed it off, Machi turned back to Gon and said, “Yeah, it's ben a while since we all hung out. I get that you’re not into it anymore, but… it was kind of weird without you for a while there.”

Gon rubbed the back of his head. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep the grimace off his face. 

For the longest time, he had thought he could keep hanging out with them—just without all the strings attached. The alcohol, the smoking, the… _other things_. But even then, that didn't stop him engaging in their other bad habits. He couldn’t exactly take back his day in court for being caught vandalizing private property, and he _certainly_ couldn’t take back the suspension he suffered after dragging an entire tree branch through Hatsu with Chrollo and sticking it in one of the toilets in the men’s restroom. 

“I have... no self control,” Gon confessed with a wary smile. He shrugged and pocketed his hands. “It’s not that I don't like hanging out with you guys! It’s just that I don't trust myself. Yet.”

“Alright, heard,” Machi said. “If you change your mind…”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll talk to you guys then,” he agreed, beaming. 

After they left, Gon released the air that was stuck in his lungs. He rubbed a hand over his rapidly beating heart and wondered if he could possibly survive seeing Chrollo again. Sure, he saw Chrollo every now and then in the Hatsu hallways, but…

Who was he kidding? He could _do this_. He could definitely manage avoiding Chrollo this evening.

Gon sighed and fetched his phone from his back pocket. When he did, he found the screen black and the home button nonfunctioning. He froze at the realization that, with his phone dead, he wouldn’t be able to keep up with Alluka.

_Damn my inability to charge my phone!_ he cried internally, up to the heavens. 

He went in search of a clock, which was mounted on a wall beneath the stadium seats. It was closing on half past six, and he could only imagine the turmoil Kurapika and Leorio were going through now.

**Thursday,** 6:45 PM  
**KURAPIKA:**  
10 bucks says his phone died  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OH! Wait I think I just saw him  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I’m not taking you up on that bet  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh wait no that wasn’t him  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Damn it  
  
**LEORIO:**  
How long do you think you guys are gonna stick around the fair?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We’ll probably leave around 9:30? maybe a bit sooner  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I wanna see the derby from the ferris wheel  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Another lost cause  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
😩  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
That’s ok it’s probably for the better  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Killua would probably have a hernia if he saw Gon on a day he wasn’t expecting to  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Me every day of my life  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Lol tru  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
We’ll keep you posted if we snag him  
  


**Thursday,** 7:32 PM  
**LEORIO:**  
Dost thou have any theories  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Hmm I have one  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
At this point, he probably WANTS to be found, so… maybe try the games? He’s probably burning a hole in his wallet trying to stay at one game so yall can find him  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Damn that's a good theory  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I’ll keep you posted, my good sir. Here I thought he'd be by the gardens  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Hehe glad i could help my guy 😊🙌  
  


“Dammit!” Gon cried throwing his arms up. He slumped in front of the wooden ledge surrounding the ringtoss checkerboard. He pouted, his eyes just barely visible past the ledge. He frowned over at the bags of goldfish in the cooler next to the worker, who looked down at him with pity in her eyes.

“Wanna give it another shot?” she asked, hand on her hips.

Gon sighed. He slumped back on his heels and checked his wallet. He glanced over his shoulder, half-hoping to see Leorio and Kurapika around to save him from sacrificing his last five dollar bill.

He sighed and slapped it onto the counter like he was at a bar asking for one more shot. “Pour me a glass, brethren,” he sighed, and the worker scooped a cup into a bin of pingpong balls and slid it across the wooden ledge to him.

He got to his feet and scoped out the perimeter, holding the cup of pingpong balls in one hand, and his sanity clutched in the other. He clenched his fist higher, concentration at a all-time high, and determined the _exact_ spot he would win himself a goldfish. At this point, the worker was both bored and impressed by his dedication. 

They both held their breaths as Gon raised his fifth pingpong. 

It took half of Gon’s five-dollar cup to score that oh-so blissful _plop_ of a pingpong ball in one of the water-filled goldfish bowls.

Both Gon and the game worker threw their arms up and shrieked with triumph. Gon flung himself in the air, legs kicking, and bounded up to the woman to high-five her. He thrust both of his fists in the air and screamed, “ _HELL YES!_ Gold-fish! Gold-fish! Gold-fish!” until the worker bestowed upon him a clear baggy occupied by one perfect, wholesome fish.

“There you are, sir. Take good care of that one,” she said, giving the baggie a little tap. 

“Oh, I will, don't you worry,” he said as he cradled the baggie to his face. It was cold from the water and sloshed as he held it against his cheek.

He turned, beaming, and came nose-to-nose with a familiar face.

Gon’s heart leapt to his throat as he squeaked, “A-Alluka! You’re—” _with…_

Gon’s eyes gravitated slowly, painfully, in the direction of the person accompanying her standing no more than two steps away. 

He could hear the smile in Alluka’s voice as it resonated in his empty skull, saying, “I heard you screaming from two stalls away.”

“I…” Gon started, voice cracking. 

_Killua Zoldyck_ was standing _right there_ , in the flesh, with a look on his face that Gon couldn’t dissect, let alone _read_. In the shade of the ringtoss stand and the fading sunlight, his blue eyes were nothing more than reflection of the neon lights spinning behind them. It was only because Gon was staring at them that he registered when Killua’s gaze flitted down—

—down to the goldfish baggie pressed to Gon's cheek.

Gon lowered it instantly, but the moment he did, heat swelled in to fill the gap and flush his cheeks bright pink.

“We… were just gonna try and win a goldfish,” Alluka interjected, slowly, like she was talking to toddlers instead of soon-to-be juniors in high school.

Killua blinked, and that blank expression slipped into an easy, tentative smile. He pushed his hair back with one hand and sighed, “Yeah... I've never managed to win at this game.”

“I have extras!” Gon cried, scrambling for the half-empty cup. He thrust it in Killua's direction. “You can use these to start! If you want!"

Gon sucked in a sharp breath when Killua stared at him and the cup and back again. He managed a wide smile and brandished his new goldfish. “I don’t exactly need another fish.”

Alluka cleared her throat. They both looked down at her as she nudged Gon with her elbow and said, “He’s already got two others from the last two fairs.”

“Holy shit—and they're still alive?” Killua said.

“Hey, I’m a good fish father,” Gon declared, and the laugh that broke out of Killua was too precious _not_ to aw at. Unluckily for Gon, he had no self-control. “Aw, you're cute when you laugh.”

Maybe it was the red lights on the sign, or maybe it was blush, but either way, Killua looked sharply away and shoved blindly at Gon's shoulder. “Shut up—you sound like such a fuck boy. Now get out of my way so I can win Alluka a fish.”

He swiped the cup out of Gon’s hand and approached the bench. Gon watched, beaming, as Killua glared at him in what he had to assume was a teasing way. He only assumed this when he looked over at Alluka, who had sidled up beside him, because she was giving him a shit-eating grin that said it all. 

He leant towards her and whispered with a smug smirk, “Happy?” 

She stuck her nose up at him and gave her head a little shake. “You two are so _gross_. I _love it_.”

He laughed and tossed an arm around her shoulders. He held up the bag to her to inspect as Killua took his first shot at the fishbowls. 

There wasn’t much Killua could focus on besides the suffocating heat in his face, the pingpong ball in his hand, and the pair of eyes he _knew_ were watching him. Perhaps it was just his narcissism talking, but he liked to think that Gon _was_ watching him as he took a second shot at the grid of fishbowls at the center of the booth.

The ball pinged against the glass rim of one of the bowls. Just as he was about to sigh in defeat, it sunk into a bowl at the far corner of the grid with a satisfying _plop_.

“Oh shit!” Gon said.

“Holy cow! Nice one!” Alluka cried, clapping her hands.

A grin broke out across his face. He looked back at them with a laugh as the game worker left to fetch a fish for him. “That went… better than expected,” he confessed.

“I bet you’re secretly a champ at beer pong,” Gon teased, and when Killua got his fish, Gon tapped his won bag against Killua's and said, “Cheers.”

“I absolutely _suck_ at beer pong,” Killua laughed, only to double back when Alluka rose an eyebrow at him. “—At least, I think so. I’ve definitely _never_ tried it before. Not once in my life.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Alluka said.

She pointed to Gon’s wrist, where an all-day pass was synched on. “Do Kurapika and Leorio have passes, too?”

“I don’t know. I lost them earlier,” Gon confessed.

Killua allowed himself a total of three seconds to come to conclusions. Alluka _knew Gon would be there_ , and the only reason he knew now was because she was aware that Kurapika and Leorio were there. Logically, it made sense. She lived with them, so it would have been easy for her to get that information. 

But it didn't stop him from speculating, especially given the way Gon looked at him, all smiley with his freckled cheeks and sharp, prominent canines. He had the sort of smile akin to kids who recently got their braces off—wide, like they were making space for metal. He found it…

_Cute_ , he decided, looking down at the fish that stared back up at him. 

“We’ll have to stop by Petsmart or something for supplies,” he commented.

“Ooh, Petsmart! I love Petsmart!” Gon said with all the bubbly energy Killua was familiar with. Only this time, he had a voice to put to the words he was used to reading over in his head. 

Gon’s voice nearly matched everything in Killua's imagination, just based off of the distant comments he had heard from Gon—from the background of Alluka's calls to the nerf gun fight last week. It was bright, if not raspy like he had spent the entire day screaming. 

Killua didn't doubt it, considering how they had found the guy that day. 

Gon and Alluka were debating how they’d deal with four fish total in the house while Killua trailed slightly behind them. It was getting dark and as the sunlight faded, he was grateful that he was wearing layers. It was chilly before long, and just as Killua was considering giving his jacket to Alluka, they were bombarded by someone yelling Killua’s name from behind them.

Alluka and Gon turned just as Killua closed his eyes and cursed, fully ready for the impact of Ikalgo slamming into him from behind. 

He lurched forward, grinning when Ikalgo’s legs wrapped around his waist. He caught Ikalgo under the knees, spinning from the momentum, and staggered to a halt in front of Gon and Alluka as Ikalgo ruffled Killua’s hair and said, “Lookin’ good, dude!”

“I look like this _literally_ every day,” Killua said.

“Except for after 9PM,” Gon said, and his comment brought Ikalgo's eyes up from Killua’s hair. 

Killua rolled his eyes and said, “That doesn't count. I’m not even human after 9PM.”

Alluka checked her phone and said, "Well, then we have one more hour, _Cinderella_.”

Ikalgo’s legs slipped from Killua’s waist. He hit the ground stumbling and only caught his balance when Gon reached out to steady him. Killua grinned at the starry-eyed look on his best friend’s face. He had seen that look before when Pitou won Homecoming Queen last year and wore a strapless dress to the dance. Killua liked to joke that Ikalgo had a thing for collarbones.

_And apparently Gon Freecss_ , he thought, cheeky smile widening when Gon clapped a hand to Ikalgo’s shoulder before tapping him in the chest and saying, “Hey, I remember you from the nerf fight.”

That snapped Ikalgo back into focus. His head whipped around with the speed of a goddamn bullet, his shocked eyes locking with Killua. Ikalgo pointed to Gon and said, “That’s—Your—”

Alluka coughed, “ _Boyfriend_.”

Killua choked on nothing in particular. It either didn't phase Gon, or he simply didn’t hear it considering he put a hand out to Ikalgo and said, “I'm Gon—Guess I didn’t introduce myself last time.”

Ikalgo cleared his throat and shook Gon's hand. “Ikalgo, Killua's friend.”

“I didn't know you were coming to the fair tonight,” Killua confessed, squinting at Ikalgo, who donned a guilty look as he scratched the back of his head. 

“Yeah… I heard there was a stakeout tonight and I wanted in,” Ikalgo confessed.

“Stakeout? Ooh, that sounds like fun,” Gon said, eyes glittering.

Alluka squinted at Ikalgo and said, “What stakeout.”

Ikalgo put a finger to his lips and faded slowly away from their group. Killua glared at him as he receded back down the path and through the crowds in the direction of someone in a pair of sunglasses and a beanie sitting at a bench far away from them. The guy held up a peace sign.

“Is that…?” Alluka started, only to be cut off by Gon groaning, hands over his face, "That's definitely Zushi.”

“Subtle,” Killua said dryly, glaring at his sister. Alluka beamed without a speck of guilt.

Since it was dark out now, most of the lines for the rides were backed up from high schoolers in the district. Any ride they picked now would take half an hour to _actually_ board—except for the quieter rides and activities, like the games, the Tunnel of Love (which earned Killua a suggestive look from Alluka and a glare from him), and…

The ferris wheel.

They stood, basking in its glowing glory as it the dotted spokes circled around.

Killua looked down at Alluka, who beamed suggestively up at him and flitted her eyes in Gon's direction. He glared at her before dragging his eyes over to Gon.

Gon was staring at him with wide, puppy-dog eyes that stopped him in his tracks. 

Killua sighed and looked down at the fish in his hand. “We probably can’t bring these with us.”

“That’s okay! I'll hold onto them!” Alluka said, already grabbing the bag from him. 

“Wait—Didn’t you want to see the derby—”

“Are you kidding me? Trucks? Dirt bikes? I’m a _lady_ , Killua,” Alluka said with a huff and snatched Gon's fish from him. She cradled them in her arms as Gon said, “That’s not what you were saying when we went dirt biking this spring—”

Alluka hissed at him to shut up, but Killua already heard it. His jaw dropped and he shot a glare in Gon's direction. “You took her _dirt biking?_ ”

Gon shrugged, indifferent. “I like mudding.”

Alluka weaseled behind them and shoved them forward. Killua staggered ahead, his shoulder bumping into Gon’s as Alluka said, “Go, go! Before the line fills up!”

Killua shot her a glare over his shoulder, but Alluka was just smiling all sweet like she _wasn’t_ hiding some great big scheme from him. When he turned back, Gon was still looking at him with that goofy, dumb smile that made him want to cover the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Mudding and dirt biking is _not_ the same thing, for the record,” Killua said, and stepped ahead with an air of determination, fists clenched at his sides, and his sights on the slim line waiting at the front iron gate outside of the ferris wheel.

Gon laughed and jogged up beside him, saying, “I _know that_ , but have you ever gone mudding with four wheelers before on dirt bike trails in spring? It’s the _best_.”

“It sounds filthy,” Killua scoffed, but it did… sound kind of fun. He couldn't deny that.

They stood in line in relative silence for several seconds. The gaps between their text conversations felt like milliseconds compared to this. Killua looked down at his hands, heart pounding in his chest. How could he survive an _entire trip on the ferris wheel_ with Gon? Gon, who clearly had plenty of other people he was capable of holding a conversation with. 

_I'm better at writing than I am talking_ , he thought, resisting the urge to sigh. He was almost… _relieved_. Relieved that this wasn't going as perfectly as he imagined it would.

Disappointment was more familiar to him, and there was comfort in that.

But then again, this only lasted approximately twelve seconds before Gon opened his mouth and said:

“I tend to get stupid on ferris wheels.”

Killua snorted and glanced at Gon as he said, “What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Gon rolling his eyes as he let out a nervous laugh. “Well, I get stupid on _every_ ride, not gonna lie. I both crave and _aggressively fear_ heights. You know that feeling like you're about to _die?_ It's like _that_. It's so addicting.”

“I don’t—Are you warning me about something? If so I don't really know what it—”

“I'm saying we might _die_ , dude,” Gon said, fists clenched in front of him.

“We’re—It's a _ferris wheel—_ ”

“I don't know how to explain it any better than that,” he insisted, and Killua rolled his eyes, his laughter barely restrained by the hand he pressed to his mouth. He looked away as Gon exclaimed, indignant, “Killua—! I’m serious!”

“Sorry, but,” he started, a giggle escaping him, “now that I know what you sound like in real life, it’s hard _not_ to hear your voice in my head when reading your texts. Like, even those stupid Venmo messages—”

“They aren't stupid! They’re profound! I'm a philosopher—”

“Yeah, who talks about _Junior Mints_ ,” Killua teased, and Gon nudged him in the arm as the two of them laughed about it on the steps leading up to the gate. 

They were next in line. After having their wristbands checked out by the worker, Killua approached the swinging bench that would protect them from certain death. He sat down and, a second later, Gon collapsed beside him, close enough for their hips to touch. Killua looked down at their laps as the worker closed the bar over them. He looked past Gon at the sizable gap Gon left between himself and the metal side panel. 

He rose an eyebrow at Gon, who pouted at him and said, “I told you I'm afraid of heights.”

“Whatever,” Killua huffed propping his elbow on the bar. He settled his hand on his chin as the wheel jerked and they swung forward and up, over the view of Alluka holding their goldfish. She was accompanied by her other housemates—Kurapika and Leorio—along with Ikalgo and Zushi, who were jumping up and down and waving. 

Kurapika cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, " _GET IT, GIRL_.”

“I’m going to murder your friends,” Killua decided, leaning back once they were out of view from his sister. 

“They mean well,” Gon said. He smiled when Killua glanced over at him. 

The higher they went, the less the light reached them. They were hoisted into the deep, inky blue sky, surrounded only by the LED lights dotting the wheel’s spokes. The massive stadium dwarfed beneath them, and beyond it, they watched the floodlights illuminate the demolition derby track. 

Gon let out a shaky breath, shifting a little in his seat. Killua tensed at the heat of Gon's arm pressed to his own, his entire thigh pushed against Gon’s. 

“Dude, I swear to God if you pass out…” Killua started, and Gon laughed nervously. He had his hands twisted together on his lap.

“I've never fainted in my life,” Gon said. “Could I, um—Could I hold your hand, maybe?” 

Killua didn’t even think about it. He had held Alluka’s hand at Six Flags on the Raging Bull, so he put his hand out against his leg with a sigh and Gon immediately clasped onto it.

Gon's hands were _rough_ , and Killua recognized the texture and pieced it together from his stupid escapade on the office chair skateboard chimera. _Like sandpaper_ , he thought, his fingers tightening against the back of Gon's palm. The back of his hand was smooth, though, if not dry. 

The wheel paused at the very top a group left the ride and another joined. Their swing rocked, and Gon's grip tightened. 

_Alluka's probably having a field day_ , he thought. 

“I’m glad Alluka moved in,” Gon said, startling him.

He looked over at Gon, who donned a faint smile as he looked down at his lap. “What do you mean?” Killua asked.

Gon shrugged, shivering a little. “Just that… I like having her around. And I guess it’s nice knowing that we’re close enough that she was willing to even _ask_ —I like being dependable, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Killua said. “I’m glad she can depend on you. You guys.”

“Were you nervous?” he asked, and Killua rose an eyebrow at him.

The wheel creaked and continued moving until the next seat emptied and filled. 

“Yeah. _Super_ nervous," he confessed, shaking his head. “But I think that wherever she wound up was better than my parents’ place. So… nervous, but it was a relief.”

“Yeah. And I don’t really know what happened to make my aunt’s place better than your parents’, and you don't have to tell me, and maybe one day Alluka will be able to say it so… I just hope she's able to stick around my aunt’s place long enough to feel comfortable saying it. You know?”

“Yeah. She'll definitely tell you guys. Eventually,” he said. He took a deep breath and said, “It’s still pretty raw, I think. We don't even talk about it.”

They fell silent for a moment as a nagging thought came to mind. With his free hand, he scratched the side of his face, brow furrowed, and asked, "Do you think… Like, when I move to college and maybe Kurapika and Leorio do to, do you think Miss Mito would let Alluka stay there? Just until she finishes high school?”

“Yeah, definitely. Out of everyone in the house, Alluka and Aunt Mito get along the best. Hands down,” Gon said, laughing a little at memories Killua couldn't even fathom. He didn’t know what it was like to live in Miss Mito’s house like the rest of them. 

The ferris wheel started its full loop. Their carriage swept past Alluka and the others, who were now mingling amongst themselves and sharing what appeared to be a box of soft pretzels. Killua relaxed a little, relieved that they weren't the center of attention anymore.

“Did you actually catch a frog?” Gon asked, and Killua laughed.

“Yeah. It was cold, wet, and slimy.”

“Damn. Lucky bastard,” he sighed wistfully, and Killua laughed again.

They emerged at the peak, at which point Gon shivered again and shuffled closer, shaking the swing. He yelped a little, and Killua cried, “Stop wiggling around and it won't shake!”

“Sorry! I’m nervous and cold—”

“I’m _literally_ holding your hand, you idiot—”

"Well, it'd be better if we just hugged and never let go,” Gon whined, bumping his head against Killua's shoulder. 

Killua groaned and shook Gon's hand off of his. Gon whined like a kicked puppy until Killua stretched his arm back and dropped the full weight of it around Gon's shoulders. 

“Never pegged you as a _weakling_ ,” Killua said. 

“I am. I am so weak,” Gon moaned, deliberately depressed.

“Yeah, says the guy who ambushed the Nickelback prison last week. You’re _ridiculous_ ,” he huffed. Gon laughed and tipped his head against Killua’s so he could smell Gon’s herbal shampoo. 

Gon was scrawny, sure, but when Killua wrapped his arm around Gon’s shoulders, he found them firm. Alluka was all bone and taunt muscles, but Gon felt _solid_ against his side. He wasn’t used to hugging people aside from Alluka and Ikalgo, and Ikalgo was too squirmy to get a handle on. He was, also, more likely to be hugged _by_ Ikalgo instead of the other way around. 

Gon stopped shivering as their second lap turned into a third, and Gon commented offhandedly about people he had seen at the fair that day, what he’d name his fish, and how excited he was for the Fourth of July. 

The ride came to a slow halt as their round on the wheel came to a close. People were getting off three carriages in front of them. As they waited, Gon said, “What are you doing for the Fourth?”

Killua hummed. “I don’t know… My parents usually throw a huge party and light off fireworks.”

“You should come to our block party,” Gon suggested.

“I... wouldn't mind that.”

“And then would you want to come watch the fireworks with me?” Gon asked.

Killua opened his mouth to mindlessly agree, but he paused at “ _with me_.” 

He retracted his arm from around Gon's shoulders, but stayed close, his hands clasped between his legs. “Like… with the others…?”

Gon shook his head, eyes glittering in the carnival lights. Killua’s heart felt like it was floating. “Just me. I-If you want, I mean, we could get the others to join in but I figured I'd ask since I—I mean, I really like you and stuff, and I kinda want to—”

“Sure,” Killua said, his heart now fluttering in his throat. He cleared his throat when Gon’s wide, cheeky smile widened. “I’d like that,” he confessed, more quiet than before. 

Gon beamed. “Good! Okay, cool.”

“Cool.”

“ _Sweet_.”

Killua laughed despite himself. 

The worker unlatched the bar and they were free. Gon leapt to his feet and raced to the steps, only to halt and check to make sure Killua was following. And then, he took the five-step jump with his hands on the railing, swinging like a goddamn gymnast down to the matted-down grass. 

When Killua emerged from the gate, Alluka offered him a pretzel and said, “You two were pretty cozy up there, huh?”

Killua glared at her and checked to make sure the others weren't eavesdropping. They were too busy pestering Gon for running off earlier and getting lost.

Killua gave Alluka a sharp look and said, “It’s only because he's afraid of heights.”

Alluka blinked, her expression flat before dissolving into a smug, _smug grin_. “Gon’s on the roof _every night_ , Killua. He is _not_ afraid of heights."

Killua opened his mouth to argue, but his memory of the Gusher incident came to mind. 

He clamped his mouth shut and caught Gon’s eye. Gon winked at him before turning back to Kurapika to steal a pretzel. 

_That bastard_ , Killua thought, but there was hardly any spark behind it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you aren't meme-ing out with us already in the discord server, [here's a link!](https://discord.gg/Yhmvj2k) :D


	19. Scum of the earth

**Friday,** 1:25 AM  
**GON:**  
Heyyy 😘  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How is it possible for you to STILL sound like a fuck boy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also hey, I guess  
  
**GON:**  
I only fuck with one (1) boy, excuse you  
  
**GON:**  
Killuaaaa answer me 😫  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think we could definitely hang out again before the Fourth  
  
**GON:**  
😳  
  
**GON:**  
Is that in response to my text or just in general?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
In general, you dumbass  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I feel like I haven’t gauged your in-person vibe yet  
  
**GON:**  
:O What does that mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I means I don’t have a read on you yet  
  
**GON:**  
Ooo  
  
**GON:**  
But I don't read??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You're reading my text right now, aren't you?  
  
**GON:**  
Damn  
  
**GON:**  
You got me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’re you doing right now?  
  
**GON:**  
Trying to figure out a way for us to hang out  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean, ‘trying to find a way’  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not that complicated?  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
It’s so complicated!  
  
**GON:**  
You know how long it takes to plan an event like this?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not an event what the fuck are you talking about  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What are you plotting?  
  
**GON:**  
Well, now that I have your entire school’s phone numbers, this should be a lot easier to organize  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought we were talking about going on a date?  
  
**GON:**  
This is a date!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No dude it sounds like you're inviting my entire damn school  
  
**GON:**  
But it’ll be fun?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait tell me what you’re planning  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon??  
  


**Friday,** 9:00 AM  
**GON:**  
Alright WORMS 🐛 It’s time ⏰ to get CHAOTIC 🤯🕺 and ANNIHILATE 🔫 each other in a battle 🤺😤 to the DEATH 😵 via 💦💧 YOU GUESSED IT 😏: OUR LONG AWAITED MANHUNT 💀💀 If you’re 👆reading 📕 this message📱, you’ve been selected to participate in the Bradford Woods 🌳 MANHUNT. Your target 🎯 ?? All other participants 😈 Your objective 👀 ?? To be 👊 the last 💪 person 🙇🏼♀️ standing 🏋🏻♂️ Charge your phones📱, grab some food 🍗, and get ready 💁🏽♂️ for a weekend-long HUNGER GAMES MATCH ⚔️🤺 Sacrifice one 1️⃣ weapon 🔪 to the pot 🍁 Tomorrow get to the Bradford Park 🌲 by 3️⃣PM SHARP or face 😍 the wrath 🥰 of YOURS TRULY 😘 The hunt 🦌 starts at 3️⃣:3️⃣0️⃣PM   
  
**GON:**  
Text me the #s of anyone you want to draft 🎖 into manhunt 🔪 and I’ll send them the details!  
  
**GON:**  
Oh! Also! After our last attempt, please do NOT bring ACTUAL weapons. See the list below for acceptable weaponry:  
  
Wooden bats  
Lightsabers  
Water guns  
Nerf guns  
Slingshots  
Fake knives  
Boomerangs  
Frisbees  
Fake bow-and-arrow  
Fists.   
  
Not acceptable weaponry:  
Bodily fluids  
An actual fork  
Hateful words  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon what the fuck this isn't a date  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you trying to kill me??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon??????  
  


**Friday,** 10:07 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Fuck I just woke up what did you do  
  
**GON:**  
I did what I had to do  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I thought we agreed to retire the manhunt game  
  
**GON:**  
We did but now I’m reviving it  
  
**GON:**  
I’m scared to hang out with Killua alone  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O hun it’s not that big of a deal  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You didn't have to drag three dozen other strangers into this  
  
**GON:**  
But it’ll be like a relaxing weekend up north!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Relaxing”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You do realize Killua gets pretty competitive sometimes  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I could see him retaliating by trying to win this  
  
**GON:**  
But, like, what if we all squadded up?? We could all form an alliance!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I mean, he’d probably form one with me? He might wanna kick your ass though  
  
**GON:**  
Why would he kick my ass? I’ve got a nice ass  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t want him to dent it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Then you shoulda thought about that BEFORE inviting him to a Bradford Wood-wide manhunt! In which he is a man being hunted!  
  
**GON:**  
Tbh it’s kinda hot…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GON 🙄  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m serious  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re asking for it!!  
  
**GON:**  
For what 😳  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
😡  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Don’t underestimate my brother!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Besides, aren't yall supposed to be dating now?? Didn’t you kiss or something on the ferris wheel??  
  
**GON:**  
WE DIDN’T KISS !!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Really?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Damn you fooled me  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We all saw y’all cozying up  
  
**GON:**  
We didn’t kiss 😫 Don’t misinterpret it!!  
  
**GON:**  
It wasn’t the TIME!! We aren’t even DATING!! I only just asked him on a date but one date doesn’t count!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What, so now you can’t kiss if you aren't dating??  
  
**GON:**  
I’m a shy boy!! I can’t go flinging kisses around!!  
  
**GON:**  
If I can't say ‘love’ in a dozen different ways cuz english is dumb as fuck, I gotta RESERVE IT for PHYSICAL AFFECTION  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
WHAT, LIKE SEX??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE AFTER!?  
  
**GON:**  
NO!! 😳😫  
  
**GON:**  
I WANNA HOLD HIS HAND ALLUKA !!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YOU CAN DO THAT WITHOUT ORGANIZING A MANHUNT  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
DON’T RUN AWAY FROM ME COWARD!!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Was that you who slammed the patio do  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
ALKDGJ GON GET BACK HER WHEREA RE YOU GOIN  
  


**Friday,** 10:07 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
LEORIO ARE YOU AWAKE??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Gon just jumped Knuckle’s fence!  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I’M UP  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Halp 😫  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I don’t know what he's doing I simply informed him that Killua’s gonna kick his ass during the manhunt and now he’s rUNNING  
  
**LEORIO:**  
LET’S MOVE  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Aaaah ok lemme grab my shoes  
  
**LEORIO:**  
We could probably take Kurapika’s car  
  
**LEORIO:**  
I know where he keeps the keys  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
:O Good idea  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
But also that sounds like a terrible idea at the same time LET’S DO IT  
  


  


**Friday,** 11:23 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
Are you dating Alluka’s roommate?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Housemate?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Friend? idk what they are lmao  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not really, no  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Idk just kinda felt some vibes is all  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Some  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Vibes  
  
**IKALGO:**  
That’s all  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Huh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of vibes?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Idk they kinda felt gooey?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gross  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah especially since you aren’t a gooey kind of guy, if you know what I mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I wish I could say I didn’t know what you meant  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But that would defeat the purpose of scoring an 800 on the comprehension section of the SAT.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Excuse me but WHAT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU SCORED WHAT NOW?? On the english section??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I got a 1200  
  
**IKALGO:**  
😫  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude you took the ACT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They have different scoring systems.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ikalgo  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you seriously think I was using the ACT scoring system just now?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
…Maybe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m thoroughly disappointed right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And anyway Gon and I aren’t dating. We only just met?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
But what was that on the ferris wheel??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He was cold? I don’t know?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We still need to talk about it.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHAT’S THERE TO TALK ABOUT IF YOU TWO AREN’T DATING, HUH???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re being ridiculous.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Can’t two people flirt without it being A Thing?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU TWO ARE FLIRTING??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU FLIRT???  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Receipts bitch  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I am fully capable of flirting.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You use PERIODS at the end of your TEXT MESSAGES  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey, I’m getting better at that!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And what’s wrong with using periods at the ends of my text messages? That has nothing to do with flirting  
  
**IKALGO:**  
How can you FLIRT when you sound like you’re about to commit mass murder??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Using periods is not a sign of psychopathy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You and I BOTH know this because we BOTH took AP psychology  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YEAH, BUT USING PERIODS ISN’T EXACTLY IN THE TEXTBOOK, NOW IS IT??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
My hypothesis stands. Use of proper punctuation in text messages is a sign of higher intelligence i.e. greater chance of a higher IQ  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not all psychopaths have high IQs, dumbass  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU WOULD KNOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’M NOT A PSYCHOPATH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHY ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING ONE?? How did we come to this??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You played right into my filthy hands, SCUM 😈  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So you’re telling me that this is EXACTLY where you wanted the conversation to go??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
There’s no point in this conversation. Why am I even bothering  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I don’t know, maybe psychopathy runs in the family 😈 explains Illumi  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay but that was ONE time. ONE TIME that he killed an animal and that was because the little fucker came at you in the Bradford Woods. HE SAVED YOUR ASS.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Squirrels and I do not mix  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Squirrels and I quarrel  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You got a problem with squirrels, dude??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’d quarrel with a squirrel?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah I’d say I’d quarrel with a squirrel  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Those fuckers can bite, dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’d know, wouldn’t you??   
  
**IKALGO:**  
Hey you know Meruem got a VR headset right?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re changing the topic NOW??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also yeah I saw something about it on Pitou’s Snapchat  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YOU ADDED PITOU ON SNAPCHAT??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weren’t you over at his place yesterday? Did you try the headset out?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We are coming back to this discussion  
  
**IKALGO:**  
But yeah I gave it a stab  
  
**KILLUA:**  
A literal stab?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Maybe  
  
**IKALGO:**  
That shit is TERRIFYING dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No way  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It is NOT terrifying  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s like when you’re on your phone under the covers at night watching minecraft lets plays  
  
**IKALGO:**  
nuh uh dude this shit was life or death  
  
**IKALGO:**  
We played the boxing game and the guy is, like, RIGHT in your face, man. Like, ALL UP IN THERE. Have you ever been PUNCHED IN THE FACE, DUDE??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve never been punched  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You would have heard if I had been punched  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah probably cuz you’d scream like a little GIRL  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re lucky we aren’t in the same room right now. I woulda punched you in the face for real.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ooo so scary YEAH, NO. NOTHING COMPARES TO THIS.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
It was just a demo cuz Meruem’s MOMMY got access to it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
EW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GAWD I just GAGGED do NOT call Meruem’s mom “mo**y”  
  
**IKALGO:**  
MOSSY??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO YOU WHORE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway Meruem’s mom got ahold of this boxing game  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O! Right yeah and it’s a BOXING GAME and you get in and you’re in this whole ring and there’s an entire goddamn stadium around you with the spotlights and EVERYTHING  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And there’s this GUY standing right in front of you and u gotta tap his gloves to start the match and so I tap this guy’s gloves and he just starts COMING AT ME THROWIN HANDS AND I COULDNT BACK AWAY CUZ I WAS IN A LIVING ROOM BUT IT FELT SO REAL AND HE WAS SO CLOSE MAN I STARTED SCREAMING AND CURLED UP IN A BALL  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Holy shit  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah but then in my second match I knew what to expect so long story short I KOed Rocky Balboa  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re a goddamn legend, Valentina  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Anyways so you and Pitou are snapchat buddies now??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I change my mind  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re the scummiest sonuvabitch, Valentina  
  



	20. Message Failed To Send

**Friday,** 7:23 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What now  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What do you mean WHAT NOW  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Have you no faith in me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
None whatsoever  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m kidding what’s up dude  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m afraid to invite myself over to Meruem’s place so I can use his VR headset again so I’m wondering if you can do it for me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t quite understand  
  
**IKALGO:**  
That’s ok you don’t have to understand  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nah I kinda feel like I do…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Nope not at all  
  
**IKALGO:**  
It’s simple: you ask him if you can try out his VR headset, and when he says yes, you ask if you can invite me over too  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What if he says no to either one of those questions  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The second will be far more awkward  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What do you mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If he says I can come over, but you can’t  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t even want to use his VR headset?? I’d have to go over there  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m sure you’ll come up with something if that happens  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Pretty please? With a cherry on top?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No way dude  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHAT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ugh cmonnnn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No way!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You ask him!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ugh but he’s got, like, this weird soft spot for you like you’re his lil bro or something  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ew! Never say that again delete that from your text history  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m just stating facts!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe so, but they aren’t valid  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Delete that  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Not unless you ask Meruem if you can use his VR headset and then ask if I can come with too  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No! You aren’t supposed to invite yourself over to someone’s place  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He’ll read the text and be like “Killua only likes me because of the things I own, not the person I am” or something  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You think he likes you :O  
  
**KILLUA:**  
EW NOT LIKE THAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YOU SAID HE HAS A SOFT SPOT FOR ME??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YEAH, AS A LIL BRO, AND YOU TOOK IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I DID NOT!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah but what if it’s true  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No way! I thought he was into Komugi or whatever  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Who???  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Whatever. Point is, they’ve got NOTHING on you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you making this sound like I’m TRYING to seduce Meruem? Because I’m not!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
At least use this one-sided pining to your advantage  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And by that I mean get him to invite you over and then also invite me over  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But what if he DOES like me?? What if that’s why he’ll say no to letting YOU tag along??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
😱  
  
**KILLUA:**  
🗣  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh my god he’s definitely gonna say no then  
  
**KILLUA:**  
DON’T SAY THAT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He’s gonna try and get you all alone  
  
**KILLUA:**  
OH MY GOD NO WE CAN’T GO OVER THERE EVER AGAIN  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He’s gonna be your sUGAR DADDY ISN’T HE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU BEING LIKE “O my god, Gon this, Gon that” ????  
  
**IKALGO:**  
YEAH BUT MERUEM’S, LIKE, KINDA OBTAINABLE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No he isn’t?? He’s PRACTICALLY TAKEN  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And he’s like a WHOLE YEAR ABOVE US that’s kinda weird!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah but he’s kinda hot isn’t he?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the FUCK IKALGO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What! Why else is he popular??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
UM, I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE HE’S ACTUALLY A NICE GUY?? AND HE’S SMART??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
See?? It kinda sounds like you like him  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And it kinda sounds like he likes you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No you know what? I’m gonna prove to you that he doesn’t like me like that  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m gonna text him and if he says no to you coming over, then you’re right. If he says yes, then I’m right.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You sure about that?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Positive  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What if he says yes to me coming over because he has a soft spot for you and can’t say no to you because he likes you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I fucking hate you right now  
  


**Friday,** 7:42 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey I heard you got a cool new VR headset  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Could I try it out sometime?  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Yeah, sure. You wanna come over tonight?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, I could if Ikalgo comes with too? He’s my getaway driver  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Otherwise I dunno I could come over another time… Maybe after the manhunt or something  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Dude yeah Ikalgo can come too  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok cool  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll text you when we’re five minutes away  
  
**MERUEM:**  
👍  
  


**Friday,** 8:01 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey, question:  
  
**MERUEM:**  
Shoot  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you and Komugi a thing? Just heard a rumor flying around  
  
**MERUEM:**  
I don’t know. Are we?  
  


**Friday,** 9:17 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
[ Video footage of Killua wearing a headset over his eyes whilst swinging at the air and cursing at nothing. The camera zooms into Meruem, who’s on the edge of his seat, completely stone-faced aside from his wide, curious eyes watching Killua. The camera’s shaking from Ikalgo’s laughter ]  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Tell Gon he has competition  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ikalgo  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yes my queen  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I love you  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re brilliant  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Don’t let Killua tell you otherwise  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Aye aye, captain  
  


**Friday,** 9:22 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
[ Ikalgo’s video ]  
  
**GON:**  
What am I looking at  
  
**GON:**  
Who is that?  
  
**GON:**  
Alluka!! Answer me!!  
  
**GON:**  
Wait I found his instagram  
  
**GON:**  
Omfg someone tagged the location of his house in a photo  
  


**Friday,** 9:38 PM  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Is someone borrowing my car?  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
My car is driving away  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Wait what  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Omg Alluka what did you do  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Uhhhh  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Nothing  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Nothing at all  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Gon’s room is locked and his window’s open  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No it isn’t  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I’m standing outside RIGHT NOW staring at his open window  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Guys  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
What  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Where’s Milkweed  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
HE TOOK WEED??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Get in losers we’re going shopping  
  
**LEORIO:**  
ZUSHI our savior!  
  


**Friday,** 9:46 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Omfg Gon’s on his way to you with Weed  
  
**IKALGO:**  
GON’S BRINGING WEED??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
NOT DRUGS  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
THE GOAT  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh  
  
**IKALGO:**  
GON HAS A GOAT?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WITH HIM??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YES  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
NOW WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?? BECAUSE GON KNOWS AND I DON’T  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I DON’T EVEN REALLY KNOW HOW HE GOT MERUEM’S ADDRESS??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Why’d he bring Weed??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I DON’T KNOW  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
IKALGO WORK WITH ME HERE WHERE ARE YOU  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Uhhh  
  
**IKALGO:**  
420 Blaze Street  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
K thanks  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Lemme know if you see anything weird  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Kk  
  


**Friday,** 9:56 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
Omfg I think I just witnessed something weird  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
What!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I was getting a drink and I noticed a shadow move on the Kings fence  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And then a whole ass goat jumped over the fence  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Istg if Gon’s been teaching Weed pony tricks…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I kid you not, that goat FLEW  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Do you see Gon?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He musta disappeared like a fart in the wind, but I see the goat  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Omfg we’ll be there in like five minutes  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Omfg the goat’s moving  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He’s eating the grass  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Gon just came out I SEE HIM THAT RAT BASTARD  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O geez 2 minutes  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I think…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I think he’s coaxing Weed into the flowerbed…  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Omfg Weed’s eating all of the flowers  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’VE NEVER SEEN SUCH SPEED IN MY LIFE he mowed down the tulips like a goddamn ANIMAL  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
gON???  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NO THE GOAT  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
WHY’D YOU SAY “HE”??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
BECAUSE??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
WEED IS A GIRL, YOU ASSHOLE  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O FUCK I’M SORRY  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We’re here  
  
**IKALGO:**  
omfg do you need me to do anything  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Negative.  
  


**Friday,** 10:05 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Hey how’s it going  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sorry for blowing up earlier about the manhunt thing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like, the more that I think about it… the cooler it sounds. I’m kind of excited.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you awake?? It’s kinda early for you to be sleeping but I mean, you do you I guess.  
  
**GON:**  
Sorry Gon can’t come to the phone right now  
  
**GON:**  
Don’t ask  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Um… Who is this?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear if you’re just fucking with me right now  
  
**GON:**  
I said don’t ask  
  
**GON:**  
You got a death wish?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Who the hell is this?  
  
**GON:**  
Your worst nightmare  
  
**GON:**  
Gon owes me and he’s going to pay.  
  
**GON:**  
Do not contact this number again.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ Message Failed to Send.  
The message to Gon Freecss failed to send. ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ Message Failed to Send.  
The message to Gon Freecss failed to send. ]  
  
  



	21. Witch hunt, man hunt, same diff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Man Hunt commences!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick lil chapter 😊 Also I'm pretty sure manhunt is one wood but I'm no coward so imma stick with writing it as two words lol

**Saturday,** 2:00 PM  
**GON:**  
Reminder that the sacrificial lamb gets slaughtered outside of the Bradford Woods in T-1 hour!  
  


**Saturday,** 2:11 PM  
**GON:**  
It’s been made aware to me that this comes across as anti-veganism, so we’re sacrificing a carrot instead!  
  


**Saturday,** 2:23 PM  
**GON:**  
It’s been made aware to me that this comes across as anti-vegetarian and anti-veganism, so we’re sacrificing a rock instead!  
  


**Saturday,** 2:42 PM  
**GON:**  
NO THIS IS NOT A PUBLIC STONING SESSION.  
  


**Saturday,** 2:45 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude I think we’re throwing rocks at gon at 3  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sign me up  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ooo trouble in paradise?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No stfu  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We aren’t even dating? There is no paradise here  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Only hell  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Elaborate  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh, yeah, I was getting there  
  
**IKALGO:**  
O ok good I’ll wait  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Waiting  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like, he has the communication skills of a toddler and I don’t know how to feel about it? It’s not even that he’s passive-aggressive, it’s just that following along with him is like balancing chemical equations. Like, it isn’t hard it just takes a hot sec? I feel like I need a translator sometimes and it doesn’t help that my number’s been blocked on his phone and I can’t tell if it was secretly him or if it was actually one of his roommates. So anyway, I haven’t talked to him since the Man Hunt mass text was sent.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Well shit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah so that’s where I’m at  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m guessing you haven’t been getting the hate messages from the vegans and vegetarians at our school?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me what  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah they’re boycotting the Man Hunt because of Gon’s sacrificial lamb joke  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate: Excuse me WHAT.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah so now they’re organizing a public stoning  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And I really can’t remember who specifically. Like, I can’t remember their faces, so they’re all probably gonna be there and gun for Gon the second the whistle blows  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s the opposite of boycotting  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I said what I said  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, more power to ‘em. Use the system to break the system, or whatever that phrase is.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
No clue. Anyway, lemme know when you get here I brought snacks.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oo noted. I brought Milluki’s fake machetes from halloween and the nerf guns  
  
**IKALGO:**  
FUCK YEAH!!  
  


**Saturday,** 3:00 PM  
**GON:**  
🗣BEGIN  
  
**GON:**  
⚔️ Menchi has been eliminated via sword ⚔️  
  
**GON:**  
✈️ Leorio has been eliminated via a paper airplane ✈️  
  
**GON:**  
🗻 Retz has been eliminated via stoning 🗻  
  
**GON:**  
⚔️ Goreinu has been eliminated via sword ⚔️  
  
**GON:**  
⚔️ Khara has been eliminated via sword ⚔️  
  
**GON:**  
🏒 List has been eliminated via being beaten with a stick 🏒  
  
**GON:**  
🔫 Pokkle has been eliminated via nerf gun 🔫  
  
**GON:**  
🔫 Shoot has been eliminated via nerf gun 🔫  
  


**Saturday,** 5:21 PM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Lippo has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  


**Saturday,** 5:45 PM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Hanzo has been eliminated via knife 🔪  
  


**Saturday,** 7:05 PM  
**GON:**  
🏒 Bihorn has been eliminated via being beaten with a stick 🏒  
  
**GON:**  
🏒 Cheetu has been eliminated via being beaten with a stick 🏒  
  
**GON:**  
🤾 Knuckle has been eliminated via frisbee 🤾  
  


**Saturday,** 9:15 PM  
**GON:**  
🤺 Welfin has been eliminated via light saber 🤺  
  


**Saturday,** 9:38 PM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Zazan has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Shalnark has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  


**Saturday,** 10:17 PM  
**GON:**  
🤺 Hina has been eliminated via light saber 🤺  
  
**GON:**  
🤺 Gorilla has been eliminated via light saber 🤺  
  


**Saturday,** 11:34 PM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Paku has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔫 Phinks has been eliminated via nerf gun 🔫  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Shizuku has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Kortopi has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  


**Sunday,** 1:48 AM  
**GON:**  
⛓ Uvogin has been eliminated via being beaten with a chain whip ⛓  
  
**GON:**  
⛓ Hisoka has been eliminated via being beaten with a chain whip ⛓  
  
**GON:**  
⛓ Machi has been eliminated via being beaten with a chain whip ⛓  
  
**GON:**  
⛓ Chrollo has been eliminated via being beaten with a chain whip ⛓  
  


**Sunday,** 2:14 AM  
**GON:**  
It has come to my attention that someone has suspended Chrollo by a tree branch with a rope. This is super dangerous and I request that you TAKE HIM DOWN IF YOU SEE HIM.  
  


**Sunday,** 2:59 AM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Zushi has been eliminated via mach  
  
**GON:**  
-ete 🔪 Apologies for the delay  
  


**Sunday,** 3:06 AM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Kurapika has be  
  
**GON:**  
-en eliminated via machete 🔪 Apologies for the delay again how embarrassing  
  


**Sunday,** 5:21 AM  
**GON:**  
🔫 Komugi has been eliminated via nerf gun 🔫  
  
**GON:**  
👊 Ikalgo has been eliminated via an actual punch to the face 👊 Please refrain from punching people  
  


**Sunday,** 5:46 AM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Pitou has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Pouf has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔫 Meleoron has been eliminated via water gun 🔫  
  
**GON:**  
🔫 Alluka has been eliminated via water gun 🔫  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Youpi has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Meruem has been eliminated via machete 🔪  
  


**Sunday,** 7:06 AM  
**GON:**  
💥 Feitan has been eliminated via boomerang 💥  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Franklin eliminated viamachete🔪  
  


**Sunday,** 7:39 AM  
**GON:**  
🔪 Hazama eliminated machete 🔪  
  
**GON:**  
O GOD O FUCK  
  
**GON:**  
🔪 Gon fucking Freecss eliminated via machete 🔪 Killua wins, bitch   
  



	22. Flyball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off of stories my dad's told me about his childhood + things I've done in my childhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Self-defense against feral animals??

**Monday,** 6:33 AM  
**GON:**  
So you know how I’ve been to Meruem’s house?  
  


**Monday,** 8:04 AM **KILLUA:**  
You  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait what  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Well anyway  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you stopping there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also why is this the first thing you tell me after unblocking my number??  
  
**GON:**  
Well, I figured Alluka might have told you  
  
**GON:**  
Considering it was part of the reason why your number got blocked  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What  
  
**GON:**  
Well anyway  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  
**GON:**  
I was just scoping out the area  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What area?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you at Meruem’s house right now?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah his girlfriend invited me over  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway:  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Komugi?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How do you know her? She invited you over?  
  
**GON:**  
Their road is really ideal for flyball  
  
**GON:**  
I pitched the idea to Meruem and he seems cool with the idea. Would you wanna come over at, like, noon for a game of flyball?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck is flyball  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also I’m just picturing you and Meruem on the side of the road like two suburban dads scoping out a landscaping construction site  
  
**GON:**  
I’m glad you asked! Flyball is a game of my own design. I invented it when I was eight and my aunt and I lived on the edge of town where it’s just cornfields and shit. It’s ideal for roads that aren’t too busy, but just busy enough for some action. Leorio’s the best player on the Hatsu baseball team so he usually hits the flyballs whenever someone sees a car coming and everyone else is in the road tryna catch the ball and run off of the road before the car cruises by  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Holy shit this is the stupidest game I’ve ever heard of  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You played this when you were EIGHT?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This explains a lot  
  
**GON:**  
So is it a date?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
A date?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah since the first one went so well I thought idk I figured maybe you’d wanna… go on another date?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
A date.  
  
**GON:**  
yesh 👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon  
  
**GON:**  
Yes? 👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think you misunderstand what “dates” entail  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But… if this is what qualifies as a date for you, then okay  
  
**GON:**  
Is that a yes? 👀  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It is if you stop using that goddamn emoji  
  
**GON:**  
Ok 👁👁  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dear God. That is significantly worse.  
  
**GON:**  
I have many other date ideas  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You mean neighborhood games  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But yes, date ideas. Please enlighten me.  
  
**GON:**  
There’s this other game called Three Car Run  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Christ this sounds even worse and more deadly.  
  


“I suppose I should apologize on behalf of everyone for the fact that Freecss showed up at your house unannounced at six this morning,” Killua said, thumb and forefinger pinched over the bridge of his nose.

“It’s fine. Thankfully Komugi called me before he showed up,” Meruem said with a light laugh as they both watched Gon performing a handstand competition for Komugi between him, Leorio, and Ikalgo. “You know if you favorite someone’s number and they call twice in a row, your phone rings even if it’s on silent?”

“No shit?”

“Yeah, I discovered that this morning.”

Kurapika kicked his foot out at Leorio’s lower back, throwing him off-center. Leorio screamed and dropped onto his knees, his baseball cap flying off. Kurapika swiped it off of the ground and stuck it on his own head, backwards, so that the stray baby hairs over his forehead stuck out of the gap.

“Fuck!” Ikalgo swore, arms giving out. Gon did the splits in the air—well, mostly. His shirt was already falling past his pecs, and Killua tipped his head to the side to see his exposed stomach past Ikalgo’s limp body.

Meruem explained, “Komugi thinks Gon misinterpreted her text. She was gonna come over at, like, six tonight. Gon thought she meant six in the morning.”

“Ah, got it. What were they doing up before six texting?”

“Couldn’t tell you,” he said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was pulling an all-nighter. Her parents have her taking summer courses at Loyola for college credit.”

“Well shit,” Killua said.

“Yeah, but this’ll be more fun than what we originally had planned. Movies are kinda boring.”

“Glad Gon can be our entertainment tonight,” Killua said, and a moment of silence passed before Killua’s heart jolted into his throat and he turned to find Meruem silently dying on the ground next to him. “Not—! Sh-Shut up! I didn’t mean it like that!”

Shortly after Killua’s soul left his body, Alluka clapped her hands and got them all on track to start the game. She came equipped with shredded gum, which Gon took fistfuls of and shoved in his mouth. Killua thought to himself, _My soul is never returning, is it?_ as he pointedly looked anywhere other than Gon struggling to breathe through the gum.

“Here,” Gon said, his voice directly behind Killua. He flinched as something hooked onto the top of his head. He put a hand up, shoulders slackening as his hand found the brim of a baseball cap. He turned and found Gon beaming at him.

“You—”

“‘Cause you’re so pasty, I figured you might burn in the sun today.”

Killua whipped the hat off of his head and went to slap Gon in the arm. Gon yelped and jerked to the side, but it just meant that Killua’s cross-body swing nailed him directly in the ass instead. Killua burst into laughter before he could think to stay pissed about that sassy-as-fuck comment.

Gon ran off for the road as Killua snapped the had out and got a look at the embroidery on the front above the brim. On it was the word “HIXTON, WI”.

“What the fuck is this shit?!” Killua shrieked, holding the hat high for everyone to see. Gon tripped over the lip of the road’s shoulder as Alluka read the town name out loud and immediately doubled-over laughing.

“Hickston?” Kurapika said, squinting.

“It’s—!” Gon started, gesturing with both hands.

“Well hey, it’s in Wisconsin. Hick country,” Alluka said.

“You’re one to talk. We’re _literally_ in the middle of a cornfield,” Meruem said, giving her a nudge in the shoulder.

“Isn’t hixton a type of arrowhead?” Leorio said, only to be interrupted by Gon leaping in the air with both feet out, arms up, shrieking, “ _CAR!_ ”

Leorio immediately picked up the baseball bat. Killua cursed as he engaged in an internal battle against every piece of common sense his parents taught him about what to do when you see an oncoming car. It was a solid twenty seconds out, but would that be enough time for the ball to come crashing down and for one of them to catch it—

_CRACK!_

The baseball struck the metal and popped into the air on Leorio’s solid follow-through. Killua’s eyes jumped up after it as it crossed paths with the sun and the dark black shadow of it arced towards them.

Killua looked back at the oncoming vehicle. _Fifteen seconds!_

“Mine, mine, mine!” Alluka screamed, only to shriek when Kurapika plowed into her, leaping onto her back, and shoving one gloved hand into the air.

He snagged the ball just as the car started blaring its horn. It hit the mitt with a solid _slap!_ as Alluka staggered towards the shoulder. Ikalgo ran straight into them, toppling them all over and into the grassy divot.

Killua swore and grabbed one of Ikalgo’s feet to haul it out of the road just seconds before the car flew past, wind whistling in his hair. The driver cursed them out through the open passenger window.

Meruem and Gon were on the ground crying laughing.

“CAR!” Komugi shouted, and it all started again, this time with two consecutive _cracks!_ from Leorio’s baseball bat. Everyone scrammed across the two lanes, divided between the two baseballs soaring at them.

They all ran with their eyes in the air. Killua ran straight into Alluka, and they wound up screaming and holding onto each other when the baseball struck the asphalt next to their feet. Gon bolted for it, scooped it up, and grabbed Killua’s hand on his way off of the road. Killua dragged Alluka after him, and they all avoided the deadly stares from the woman driving past via hiding in the cornfield.

Killua’s heart was racing like a goddamn sonuvabitch. He bit back a smile to save his aching cheeks the trouble, but Gon was beaming at him from around the ears of baby corn.

“Are you having fun?” Gon asked.

Killua’s ears flushed pink. “Y-Yeah, I am.”

Ikalgo caught the other ball. Both him and Gon chucked their baseballs at Leorio, who screamed like a little girl and dodged one and struck the other up in the air with one hand on the baseball bat. It shot straight at Komugi, who ducked just as Meruem’s mitt flew out and caught it where it would have popped her in the shoulder.

“Sorry! Sorry, I panicked!” Leorio cried.

“Murderer!” Kurapika shouted through cupped hands. “Assault!”

“It’s okay!” Komugi said, waving her hands with a dismissive smile as Meruem tossed the ball back in Leorio’s direction.

The game went on past one. There was a lull period where no cars came at all for twenty minutes, and by that time, Meruem’s mom was starting to wonder what the hell these bastard children were doing running around in traffic. She came out with Koolaid as an excuse to see what they were doing, and in the middle of them downing a gallon of blue Koolaid, Ikalgo spotted another car and screamed, “ _CAAAAAAR!_ ”

They all flew to their feet. Leorio grabbed the nearest baseball and ran. Meruem’s mother stood there, eyes wide with alarm, as all the kids gathered in the street while Leorio tossed a baseball up and popped it in the air. Meruem’s mother let out a startled yelp, ducking like the ball was gonna crack her in the back of the neck. Instead, two others followed it, and soon three baseballs plummeted towards the road.

“Well, you kids have fun!” Meruem’s mom said and hurried back down the driveway.

Two rounds after that the timing was off. They were still distracted by the snacks sitting on the end of the driveway that they spied the next car a little too late, and to avoid getting hit, they vacated the street while Leorio shouted, “Oh, come on! It’s far enough away!”

“It’s too close!” Alluka shouted, holding Ikalgo back before he could bolt to the middle of the street where the baseball—

—pinged off of the hood of the oncoming vehicle.

The car’s brakes squeaked.

Killua had both arms out like he was stopping a stampede, but no one was moving. They were all frozen in horror as the driver leaned out his window and yelled, “What the hell are you kids doing?! You hit my fucking car!”

“ _RUN!_ ” Gon screamed, and everyone’s sneakers skidded on the gravel shoulder of the road. Leorio chucked the baseball bat and sprinted across the road after them as they all bolted into the cornfield.

“Hey—! No, you get back here, you little shits!” The driver’s door opened.

Alluka screamed in terror when she looked over her shoulder and found the man jumping the grassy ditch and sprinting towards the field.

“Shit!” Killua cursed, grabbing her by the hand and hauling her along. They ran like their lives depended on it, getting slapped in the face by glossy green swaths of leaves as Killua kept his sights on Gon’s back as the little bastard ducked and weaves through the field like an absolute pro.

The sound of their getaway was chaos ripping through the field—slapping leaves, snapping corn stalks, sneakers crashing through dried vegetation between the rows. They ran as far and as fast as their legs could carry them until eventually, the shadow of a tree at the center of the field swept over him and Alluka and pitched them into the shocking cold shade.

A hand shot out of the corn and grabbed Killua by the arm.

Killua screamed, only to gasp with relief at the sight of Gon hissing, “ _Sh!_ It’s just me!”

“Christ, Gon,” Alluka panted, holding her stinging chest.

“This way,” Gon whispered, pulling Killua between the stalks of corn and towards the tree at the center of the field.

Killua was beyond out of breath. He thought his lungs were being severed from his ribcage with a hot iron. At the base of the tree, Gon tugged them around to the back of it where he perched himself on the exposed root and sat there, his hand still clasped to Killua’s limp wrist.

They stood, listening to each others’ heavy breaths in the dense, humid, Illinois heat. They were in the shimmering shadow of the swaying corn stalks that were, at this point, just as tall as Killua. He put his hands on his hips, feeling the sweat from all of the activity collecting on the small of his back.

Gon put his fingers to his lips.

They all drew slow, quiet breaths and waited, listening, for the moment the wind died down and the corn stalks settled. Everything was silent… Until they heard a car door slam and the engine roar to life, tires squealing away from them.

“I think he’s gone,” Alluka said.

Killua whipped off his Hixton hat and slapped Gon upside the head.

“Hey!” Gon cried.

“I can’t _believe—_ ”

“Oh my God,” Alluka gasped, horrified. The sheer panic in her voice sent Killua’s heart into his throat and Gon to his feet.

Alluka had her hands clasped over her mouth, staring between Gon and Killua with wide, terrified eyes. “Th-There’s—K-Killua—”

“What? Spit it out,” he said, throwing his arms out.

Alluka pointed over his shoulder. Killua and Gon turned and came face-to-face with a round shadow contrasting against the tops of the corn stalks, black and brown and all levels of _pissed the fuck off_.

“R-RACCOON!” Gon shrieked.

“Oh, shit!” Killua screamed. “That thing is _definitely_ feral—What’s it doing out in the daylight?!”

“Kill it!” Alluka screamed, letting out a high-pitched squeal when they all jumped and the raccoon raised one threatening, clawed hand and let out a croaking hiss. “ _Put it out of its misery, Gon!_ ”

“No, don’t—!” Killua cried, but Gon was already grabbing a nearby twig on the ground about as thick as Alluka’s wrist was wide.

Gon reared it into a backswing as the raccoon’s hackles rose, seething and spitting at them from the tops of the corn stalks. Killua shoved Alluka away and through the corn just as Gon whacked the stick across the raccoon and sent it flying off over the sea of green several yards over. It hit the stalks and started clicking like mad.

“ _Run!_ ” Gon screamed, shoving them both by the shoulders back in the direction of the road.

Halfway to the road, they ran into Ikalgo, who stuttered uselessly as he watched Gon shoot past him like a bullet. He saw Killua and Alluka closing in behind him, terror bright in their blue eyes. “Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?!” Ikalgo cried.

“No time to explain!” Alluka said, all but ramming into his shoulder and shoving him in the direction of the road. “Go, go, go!”

“Hurry the _fuck up, man!_ Pretend there’s a zombie behind you!” Killua said.

“Ooh, does that mean Rick Grimes is here to save us?” Ikalgo said, and Alluka punched him square in the back. “Aye! Yai, _yai_ , alright! Alright, I’m moving!”

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, the group could be found sitting on Meruem’s front porch recovering from their trauma over a Tombstone pizza. They were covered in minuscule cuts and bites from the field, and Killua was pretty sure he sustained a corneal abrasion from a blade of grass.

“I can’t believe you scored a home run on a raccoon,” Killua said, quietly, disbelief coating every word.

Gon beamed at him. “Was that a good date?” he asked.

“Uh…” Alluka started, but Killua simply raised a finger to silence her.

“Yeah, it was good,” he said, and that seemed to satisfy Gon. As Gon wolfed down another slice of pizza, Killua turned slowly to look at Alluka, who rose an eyebrow at the two of them. She shook her head, sighed, and decided not to question it.

 **Monday,** 5:16 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Tell me why Gon called that a date  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You see here  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Do I have to give him a talk on how to properly date my brother  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think he really values, like… spending time with me AND his friends at the same time  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like, that’s his standard for a good date so I gotta respect that  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I mean, that isn’t it but that’s kinda cute  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. But I’m gonna show him a proper date soon  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Tell me more  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It might go terribly  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah if he thinks this was a good date, he’s got another thing comin  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
You’re gonna give him a heart attack aren’t you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s the plan  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But not actually ‘cause he’s gotta be alive for date #4  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who the HELL keeps writing killumeru content based off of this fic??? 😂


	23. That Feel When Your Aunt's A MILF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a Situation at the Aunt Mito Household that requires a handyman (not Leorio) and some backup (Knuckle).

**Wednesday,** 10:54 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
Uh… Leorio…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The toilet isn’t flushing? Halp  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Leorio halp  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’ll just go ask Gon  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Wait no  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Do NOT ask Gon for help  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why not?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Because then he’ll try to help  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
???  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Isn’t that what we want??  
  
**LEORIO:**  
NO  
  
**LEORIO:**  
And also he left like at seven this morning  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Hang on I’m coming over to investigate  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
NO WAIT  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Just  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Tell me what to do?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I don’t want you to see my pee  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Just close the lid  
  
**LEORIO:**  
You’re in the bathroom without the lid aren’t you  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yes 😩  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s the best bathroom to pee in  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Agreed 😔  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Alright can you take the lid off the tank?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The lid off the what  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh my god there’s a lid on the back of the toilet I’ve never known this before  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok now what?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Now you see the chain connected to the lil flush handle?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Is it connected to the lil cap at the bottom of the tank?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Hmmm  
  
**LEORIO:**  
What’s the water level at?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Nonexistent. There’s like a lil at the bottom of the tank?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok what you’re gonna wanna do is get a THICC jug from the kitchen and fill it up. And then dump all the water into the tank.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Uh…  
  
**LEORIO:**  
What’s up?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Pitchers are above the fridge  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No no I found the pitchers  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s just  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
The faucet’s not working?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Ok plz hold  
  


“Why is there a ‘Do Not Enter’ sign on the bathroom door in the basement?” Kurapika said, marching up the steps. “And why is there pee in the toilet bowl. Who didn’t flush?”

Alluka screamed from the kitchen and dissolved into a pained sob. “You weren’t supposed to _see it!_ ” she whined, slumping across the island countertop that was otherwise occupied by hundreds of other miscellaneous things.

From over the mound of clutter, Kurapika caught a glimpse of Leorio under the sink investigating the pipes.

“The toilet wasn’t flushing and now the faucet isn’t working,” Alluka explained.

“Alluka, the flashlight,” Leorio said, snapping his fingers.

“Oh, right!” she squeaked, and hopped over to shine the flashlight for him.

Kurapika wandered over and said, “Well, you’ll be happy to hear that your pee did not stop me.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact, that makes me feel worse,” Alluka said.

Leorio dipped out of the cabinet just far enough to make eye-contact with Kurapika, squint, and say, “Stop you from _what_ , exactly.”

“Also peeing,” he said. He turned to look out the window where Aunt Mito was making big talk with the neighbor guy (Aunt Mito never made small talk). He pursed his lips and said, “I’ll be right back.”

Kurapika marched his way to the back porch. He crossed the deck, hopped the stairs, and wandered right over to where Knuckle had his arms folded over the fence and Aunt Mito was pretending to be gardening. Kurapika stood several paces away and cleared his throat.

Knuckle was the first to see him. “Hey man, how’s it going?” Knuckle said, and Mito looked over at Kurapika and tipped her visor back.

“Did you pay the water bill?” Kurapika asked.

Mito stared at him for a moment. Her jaw ticked. She looked down at the shovel in her hand before slamming the blade into the dirt and ripping her gloves off. “God _dammit_. No, I didn’t,” she said, and continued to curse up a storm as she marched back to the house, throwing her arms up and muttering, “I fucking _knew_ I was forgetting something.” She cussed some more before storming into the house and leaving Kurapika and Knuckle at the fence, wincing at the sound of the door slamming shut.

“No water, huh?” Knuckle commented.

“We don’t hydrate much. Not surprised it took us this long to notice,” Kurapika explained.

“Well, if y’all ever need to hydrate, I just set up an above-ground pool in my backyard,” he said, gesturing back to his house.

Curious, Kurapika stood up on the tips of his toes to peer over the fence. Sure enough, there, in its sparkling, glowing glory, was an immaculate above-ground pool currently being fed by a hose. Kurapika’s eyes shined deviously at the sight.

“I told Gon about it at the Doghouse yesterday. Surprised he hasn’t made his way over yet,” Knuckle confessed, turning around with a hand on his hip to look at the pool.

All of a sudden, the water splashed and both Knuckle and Kurapika startled at the sight of Gon leaping up with the gasp of a half-dead man resurfacing from the depths of the ocean. Gon flung his hair back sputtering, and swiped water out of his bloodshot eyes.

“Ah, it burns!” Gon whined, rubbing at his eyes.

“G-Get some goggles on! How long have you been hanging out in my backyard?!” Knuckle shouted, but Gon was too busy flopping back and floating aimlessly across the surface of the pool.

**Wednesday,** 12:26 PM  
**GON:**  
We don’t have water at our house so we’re chilling in Knuckle’s pool next store if you wanna come over!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Uh sure if Ikalgo can come over? I don’t really have a ride…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also did you say ‘next store’?  
  
**GON:**  
Oo yes invite Ikalgo!  
  
**GON:**  
Also yeah isn’t that what it is?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s ‘next door’  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like ‘next door over from your own’  
  
**GON:**  
Oooh  
  
**GON:**  
But why does everyone say door with a t?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Because we’re all drunken toddlers? I don’t really know  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok Ikalgo’s down we’ll be over there in like thirty minutes  
  
**GON:**  
Yay!  
  
**GON:**  
Hrrhgnghh I’m excited to see you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god  
  
**GON:**  
Are you excited to see me too??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean I didn’t think I had to verbalize it?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Or write it. It’s just a given I guess  
  
**GON:**  
Really??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah of course  
  
**GON:**  
😭❤️  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re ridiculous  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s really not that big of a deal  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but I just like hearing it!  
  
**GON:**  
Or reading it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon  
  
**GON:**  
Yes king  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I might actually have to hire a hitman to snipe you as revenge for killing me  
  
**GON:**  
😗  
  
**GON:**  
And then what ;)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh never mind I’m still alive 😑  
  
**GON:**  
Aha 😘  
  


Everything was fine in Knuckle’s backyard, that is, until close to dinner time. Knuckle ordered food from Doghouse to be delivered, and in the process of organizing the food on the picnic table, Mito got up from her seat to help.

Ikalgo pursed his lips, squinting. He lifted his sunglasses a bit like he was in the music video for Stacy’s Mom, checking out Mito’s ass in her bikini bottoms.

Ikalgo turned to Killua, who was on a floatie beside him in the water, living his best life until that moment. “I think Gon’s mom has a tattoo on her butt.”

“Do yourself a favor and stop looking at it,” Killua said.

“But dude, look—”

“I’m—! I’m not looking at it!” Killua said, cheeks pink. He splashed water in Ikalgo’s face and Ikalgo sputtered, coughing.

Gon emerged next to them, hair and water streaming down his face. He flung his hair back and shook it out like a wet dog. Before Killua could even reprimand him, Gon poked him in the thigh and said, “I think you’re starting to burn.”

“Pasty-ass,” Ikalgo teased, and Killua whipped a handful of water at him so hard that he accidentally _actually_ smacked Ikalgo in the face. “Oh, God!”

“Killua, you should put more sunscreen on!” Alluka called from across the pool.

Killua opened his mouth to whine about it, but was interrupted by Knuckle saying, “Food’s up!”

“Woo! Boy howdy, hot dogs!” Gon said, and dove under the water to slip beneath Killua’s floatie, past Ikalgo, and to the ladder. Killua’s floatie bobbed with the waves in Gon’s wake and, after a moment, he rolled off of it to make his way to the ladder.

The water was _frigid_ compared to the eighty degree heat baking above the surface. One-by-one, they all left the water to race to the deck where Kurapika sat munching on an icy pop like it was a bar of chocolate instead of shredded ice. Killua was almost positive that only psychopaths were capable of eating ice in such ways.

Killua squinted at Kurapika, who didn’t move and might have been watching him, but Killua had no way to tell considering the guy was wearing sunglasses.

“Alright, kids, the buns have to be cut so make sure you dry your hands off and—oh, coke’s in the cooler—” Knuckle was saying, but immediately lost everyone’s attention at ‘coke’.

“You mean ‘ _pop’_?” Kurapika said.

“No, it’s ‘soda’,” Gon said, frowning, hands on his hips.

“Are we actually being served coke, as in the drug?” Ikalgo said.

Knuckle sighed, rolling his eyes over to Mito. Mito sighed and said, “Yes, we’ve only got half a gram so one line each. No, you idiots, it’s just soda.”

Killua barked out a startled laugh. He immediately slapped a hand over his mouth when Alluka also giggled as Gon threw his head back and groaned, “ _Mito…_ ”

Mito shrugged and took her own hot dog back to her lawn chair. As she marched down the steps, Killua couldn’t miss the fact that Ikalgo’s eyes trailed after hers, and out of curiosity, Killua _might_ have stollen a _little_ peek.

Mito was wearing a red bikini bottom with a narrow cut, which showed off an inked line of text that they only caught the tail end of before it disappeared behind the hem.

Ikalgo turned to Gon and said, “Dude, your mom is so cool.”

Gon bristled, hands balled up into fists at his sides. “She’s so embarrassing,” he whined, fake-sobbing.

After getting their ‘dogs, they all sat around the picnic table, leaving behind water imprints where their butts were on the wooden benches. In the middle of eating, Ikalgo asked, “Dude, what’s the tattoo on your mom’s butt say?”

Killua choked on his hot dog. He held the back of his hand to his mouth as Gon stared at Ikalgo from across the table. The fresh bite of hot dog tumbled right out of Gon’s open mouth and onto his plate.

Kurapika snorted and thumped his fist on the table. He threw his head back and laughed so hard Killua thought he might asphyxiate. Beside him, Alluka sighed, “I literally _hate_ high school boys.”

“She—! She doesn’t have a _tattoo there!_ ” Gon squeaked, mortified.

“I just wanna know what it says!” Ikalgo said.

“Oy vey,” Leorio said, hands over his eyes.

Gon slapped a hand on the table and said, “I’ll prove it to you!”

“Please do,” Ikalgo said.

“Don’t—” Killua started, but Gon was already twisting around to look at Mito and shout, “Do you have a tattoo on your butt?”

“Me?” Knuckle said, pointing to himself.

Mito only hesitated a second. She finished taking a sip from her drink before saying off-handedly, “It’s my AOL email address.”

Alluka shrieked with laughter. Gon fell off of the bench, mortified, and proceeded to curl into a fetal position on the ground. Ikalgo was living his best life, and Killua no longer was. Meanwhile, Mito snickered to herself over the chaos she instigated and grinned at Knuckle, who had a fist closed over his mouth, eyes closed, trying not to laugh. When he could finally breathe again, he took a big gulp of beer, shook his head, and said, “Learn something new every day.”

Somehow, someway, Gon recovered, but since everyone had to wait an hour after eating to go into the water, he instigated a game of frisbee to distract everyone from Mito’s ass—not that they could see it, since she didn’t move from the lawn chair for quite some time.

They loitered around Knuckle’s yard until the sun set, at which point Ikalgo confessed that he should be heading back before his mom was bound to get nervous.

“You need a ride?” he said to Killua, who was trying unsuccessfully to balance his entire body on one floatie noodle.

“Uh…” Killua started, but he really didn’t want to go home. Illumi was being especially annoying as of late.

“You could sleep over in my room, if you want,” Alluka offered.

Killua pointed to her and said, “Yeah, that.”

“Righty-o. I’ll see ya later, dude. Thanks for having me over, guys,” Ikalgo said, waving to everyone.

Gon put up a hand from the water and said, “Bye Ikalgo!” and Leorio, who was on the floatie, said, “Drive safe!”

Ikalgo bowed to Mito and said, “Always a pleasure.”

“Get outta here, you rat,” Mito said, swinging a pool noodle in Ikalgo’s direction. He leapt out of the way, laughing, and jogged the remainder of the way to the street where his car was parked.

Nearing ten in the evening, Leorio and Kurapika called it quits and peaced out for the night, cheeks sunkissed and shoulders even more so. Mito and Knuckle chatted on Knuckle’s back deck for another half hour before Mito got up, stretched, and declared that it was time for her to hit the hay. When she declared this, Alluka yawned and said to Killua, “Imma get ready for bed. Don’t worry about making noise when you come in.”

“Okay. I’ll head in in a bit,” Killua promised. He nudged a hand against the edge of the pool to keep his floatie going as Alluka meandered around the pool, her bare feet padding across the grass. She grabbed her beach towel on the way and smiled to Knuckle as she went, thanking him for letting them use the pool.

“Anytime, kid,” Knuckle said.

Gon hooked his elbows over the edge of Killua’s floatie. Knuckle moseyed over from the deck and clasped his hands against the edge of the pool. “You two good out here?”

“Yup,” Gon said. “We’ll clean up all the floaties and stuff when we’re done.”

“Fucking _sick_ , dude, right on,” Knuckle said, holding up two Rock On hand gestures that had Killua laughing. Knuckle looked off towards Mito’s house before turning back and saying, “You can just toss ‘em in my garage or something. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early for your shift.”

“Yup, I’ll be there,” Gon promised.

And then, it was just the two of them.

It was quiet for a long while, just the two of them listening to the crickets in the distance and the spring peepers who had evolved into full-blown bullfrogs. They croaked ominously in the distance, but the faint solar-panel lights in Knuckle’s backyard made it less haunting.

Killua could see Milkweed’s shed from his vantage point high above the ground on the floatie. He turned back to Gon, who then groaned and bounced his forehead onto the edge of Killua’s floatie.

“I can’t believe my aunt’s a MILF. I don’t like this knowledge,” he groaned.

“It’s just a tramp stamp of her AOL email address, chill,” Killua laughed, only to hesitate. “Wait, no, a tramp stamp is different. I don’t know what an ass tat is—”

“Ugh, don’t call it an ass tat…”

Killua laughed and apologized for the blunder. Gon looked up and pouted at him.

He then ducked down, out of view. Killua reclined his head against the back of the seat and, for a few moments, just listened to the _blip_ of water skirting the edge of the pool.

That is, until Gon upended his floatie.

Killua squeaked and collided with the water. He emerged, shivering, and before he could bitch Gon out, Gon said, “Float with me?”

“I _was_ floating—”

“No, I mean without a floatie.”

Killua scowled at him but obliged. He tipped onto his back, arms out. The cool water lapped over his cheeks like Lake Michigan’s tides on the shore. He closed his eyes to avoid getting chlorine in them.

Gon coasted beside him. They sprawled in starfish formation, eyes on the sky, and Killua was reminded of the night Gon texted him about the stars from his rooftop. He had to admit, he had been eyeing Gon’s roof all that day, wondering where, exactly, Gon liked to sit the most.

He scoffed a little.

“What?” Gon whispered.

“I was just thinking about… when I bought you Gushers from Target,” he said, matching Gon’s volume. Hushed, tentative.

“They were good,” Gon attested, and Killua laughed a little.

“Yeah,” Killua breathed, as if he ate Gushers.

He felt Gon’s hand graze his own. He clasped onto it, kicking his legs a little to stay afloat. Their heads lightly bumped one another, and Gon apologized. Both of their palms were pruny beyond belief.

Gon cleared his throat and whispered, “Why do you look at the sky?”

Killua pursed his lips and took a moment to consider the question. If he had a pencil, he would have tapped it against his chin. “I don’t know. I… don’t really think I _look_ at the sky. Properly, I mean.”

“It’s nice. I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” Gon confessed. The water rippled, so Killua tipped his head back to look at Gon. Gon had turned his head to look at Killua. “Have you ever seen the sky from my roof?”

“Can’t say I have, no.”

“Do you want to?”

“You read my fucking mind, dude. Let’s go.”

They packed up their swimming gear and patted themselves dry after dispensing the gear into Knuckle’s garage.

Gon made a pitstop by Milkweed’s shed to say goodnight. Killua stood out in the middle of the yard listening to the idiot whisper, “Sweet dreams, my darling little dumpling,” through the little doorway. Killua rolled his eyes, arms folded across his chest. He had a shirt back on that was soaked around the hem where it overlapped with his swim trunks.

Gon led the way into the house. It was eerily silent, so they took care with any doors they opened and closed. Gon locked the back door for good measure before leading the way up the stairs, pointing out the steps that creaked so Killua could avoid them.

They approached a door near the middle of the hall and it wasn’t until Gon pushed it open that Killua realized that it was _Gon’s room_.

 _Oh my God_ , Killua thought, heart beating fast, _I’m going into Gon Freecss’ room. I repeat: Gon Freecss ROOM_.

Gon slipped in like they were on some covert mission before nudging the door ajar just enough for Killua to follow after him.

Killua wasn’t sure _what_ he expected. In fact, he had no expectations. Gon’s room was brighter than the hallway due to the open window, but in spite of that, the long shadows and dark edges of the room made him feel like he was surrounded by ghosts instead of…

He wasn’t sure _what_ he was surrounded by, but so long as he didn’t see any pinup posters of Megan Fox, he figured he was in the clear.

Gon ducked to the side of the door as he closed it. Killua took one step into the room, arms tight around his stomach.

Gon cursed a little before making a little “aha!” sound. He plugged in the lights, and the room snapped into focus.

The walls were lined in hanging curtains of Christmas lights behind the fronds of massive indoor ferns, snake plants, and palm leaves. Hanging pothos plants had once mimicked the tendrils of squid tentacles in the dark, but now that Killua could see them, his nerves subsided.

“Holy shit,” Killua breathed, letting out a half-laugh of amazement.

Gon rubbed a hand over his hair, and Killua read the anxious energy on Gon’s flushed cheeks despite the impending sunburn sitting there. “Yeah, it’s kind of crazy,” he said.

Gon gestured up at the ceiling where he had UV lamps in a few corners of his room since his window didn’t get much light aside from in the evening. He took Killua to his window, holding him by the wrist before slipping his fingers down around Killua’s pruny palm.

“You just gotta watch your step a bit,” Gon said as he nudged the window open a bit further and swung his legs over the ledge.

Killua followed him out onto the shingles. It wasn’t until they both sat down that Killua realized just how toasty the roof was after having gathered the sun’s heat all day long. The cold he felt from the wind on his damp skin eased a little as he flattened his bare calves against the rooftop.

Gon reached into his window to tug the curtains closed, pitching them into darkness once again so they could see the stars.

After a few seconds of silence, Killua nodded, cheeks aching from how wide he had been smiling. “I like your sky,” he decided.

“Thank you,” Gon giggled in a whisper, nudging his knee against Killua’s leg.

“Why do you look at the sky?” he asked, quiet in case they were being overheard through an open window elsewhere.

This close up, Killua could see that Gon’s skin looked and felt so much darker than it had been at the start of the day. He could see Gon’s freckles a bit more clearly now as Gon licked his bottom lip.

“I think… I look at the sky to feel like I’m not insignificant,” Gon said. His eyes traveled up to the stars that were polluted by Chicago’s lights. “I just feel like I can’t contribute to anything on the planet, you know? Everything’s already been done. And I’m not good at school.”

“What about people? You contribute to everyone you ever meet,” Killua said.

“That feels different. That isn’t—I mean, it _is_ worthwhile, but I can’t get a job in that,” he said, and it stabbed Killua in a place he never worried about. Security. He always had security.

“I’m sorry, Gon,” Killua said. “But I think you’ll make an impact wherever you end up.”

“I guess,” he sighed, clasping his arms around his knees. “I just—I really like you. But I also get that… you’re, like… the _coolest_. And you’ll probably live in New York and shit and I just—That life isn’t for me.

“And I know I shouldn’t be thinking that far ahead, and that probably scares you to think about but—”

“It doesn’t scare me,” Killua said, shaking his head. He couldn't tell if it was his eyesight failing him, but he was so sure Gon’s eyes were glassier than usual. They caught the light so much more when they were damp with tears. “Gon, I’m serious. We got a lot of time before any of that shit. It’s not, like, today is today and tomorrow is 2020 or some shit.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Gon sighed, pushing a hand to his cheek. He cleared his throat and said, “But anyways. I, um, I don’t like thinking about that stuff, and since the sky makes me think the opposite of all that, I just… kinda really like looking at the sky. It makes me happy.”

Killua couldn’t help it. He dropped his arm around Gon’s shoulders and bumped his head against Gon’s hair. “Then look at the fucking sky, dude.”

Gon nestled up against him like a cat. Killua laughed and tipped his chin up to avoid a mouthful of Gon’s wet hair. Together, they got their nightly dose of significance and when they were satiated, Killua suggested they head back inside.

“I think I’m gonna chill out here for a bit longer,” Gon confessed. Killua hesitated to move. _Is that a passive-aggressive way of getting me to stay out here longer, or…?_ he thought, until Gon looked at him and said, apologetically, “I don’t think I’m gonna sleep until, like, one or two, honestly.”

“Oh. Right, yeah, I get it,” Killua said. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Gon agreed with a bright smile.

Killua turned to leave, only to pause. Gon’s eyes were back on the stars, so he didn’t quite see it coming when Killua leant over and pressed a chaste kiss to Gon’s lips.

“Night,” Killua said, and escaped to the window. The instant he was through the curtain, Gon put his hands to his flaming cheeks and bit back a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Kevin's mom, who has a tattoo on her ass of her AOL email address.
> 
> Why do YOU look at the sky?


	24. Hannibal Lecter Shish Kebab

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: LOL gore. Not too explicit. Might be considered body horror? Also, a bit of vomit. Anyway...

**Friday,** 5:20 AM  
**GON:**  
So I hear your house might be haunted????????????????? ????????????????????????? ????????????????????????? ???????????????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus Christ  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’re you doing up at 5:20 in the morning thinking about my allegedly haunted house?  
  
**GON:**  
I meant to wake up at 4:20  
  
**GON:**  
(blaze it)  
  
**GON:**  
But I slept in an hour  
  
**GON:**  
What do you mean “allegedly”?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not convinced  
  
**GON:**  
????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I just mean, like, I don’t buy it?  
  
**GON:**  
I don’t BI it (ooooh)  
  
**GON:**  
But I do bi it 100%  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You believe in ghosts?  
  
**GON:**  
I believe in hauntings  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That is significantly more unsettling  
  
**GON:**  
Why??  
  
**GON:**  
Are you afraid of being haunted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hauntings aren’t a real thing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Can’t be scared of something that doesn’t exist  
  
**GON:**  
I beg to differ  
  
**GON:**  
I’m afraid of giants and they don’t exist  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You literally LIVE with one  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Isn’t Leorio like 6 foot?  
  
**GON:**  
O shit  
  
**GON:**  
You right 😳  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway Alluka said your parents are out of town this weekend so she’s spending the night?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah Milluki and Illumi are touring colleges on the east coast  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I got out of it cuz they think I’m part of a student council thing this weekend  
  
**GON:**  
Are you part of a student council thing this weekend  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not in student council, Gon  
  
**GON:**  
Ok good then can we come over and fondle some ghosts? And by we I mean me, Kurapika, and Leorio  
  
**GON:**  
O and maybe Zushi? I also wouldn’t be opposed to Retz coming, too. Imagine if Retz gets scared and holds Zushi’s hand  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah that’d be cute as fuck  
  
**GON:**  
Ikr so what do ya say  
  
**KILLUA:**  
To fondling some ghosts this weekend?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure, but my parents have cameras in all of the house except for the basement  
  
**GON:**  
The basement is where I want to be  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You guys’ll have to sneak in through the tornado shelter door  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll unbolt it for you guys  
  
**GON:**  
Omg yesss I’ve always wanted to use a tornado shelter  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not that exciting honestly  
  
**GON:**  
But it isn’t NORMAL you know?  
  
**GON:**  
Like, you don’t leave for school out the tornado door  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Clearly you’ve never left for school out through the tornado shelter door  
  
**GON:**  
😳  
  
**GON:**  
Have you?   
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Why??  
  
**GON:**  
Why would you do such a thing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You really wanna know?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Killua tell me  
  
**GON:**  
Killua 😩  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck the message isn’t sending  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well anyway  
  
**GON:**  
No wait tell me why you used the tornado door  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine hang on  
  
**GON:**  
I’m hanging on  
  
**GON:**  
My seat belt is fastened  
  
**GON:**  
Killua???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck my service got all spotty again. It won’t send the message even tho I’m on the roof now  
  
**GON:**  
Omg you’re on your roof?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I just said that  
  
**GON:**  
What’s it like?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hot  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Feels like the back of my thighs are gonna burn off  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m getting down. I can see why you go up at night  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I’ve burnt skin off going up during the day especially in the summer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shit  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
So anyway Alluka bought one of those ghost hunting scanners online. It’s supposed to come in today so we’re leaving as soon as the package arrives  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O damn ok. What time do you think?  
  
**GON:**  
It says 8PM at the latest  
  
**GON:**  
But Kurapika says 11PM is the time to get spooky  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Y’all better bring coffee or something  
  
**GON:**  
Dude for sure  
  
**GON:**  
What’s your favorite starbucks drink  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I dunno I kinda like their blended drinks?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Something with caramel  
  
**GON:**  
Dude I swear caramel was invented by the devil  
  
**GON:**  
Specifically for tasting bad, and also to make people laugh at me for the way I say it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Well you say melk so… not surprised you say caramel different  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Speaking of melk, how’s Malkweed?  
  
**GON:**  
Incredible  
  
**GON:**  
Wait  
  
**GON:**  
I spoke too soon  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why what’s happening?  
  
**GON:**  
O nothing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, I don’t bi that  
  
**GON:**  
Its just  
  
**GON:**  
She’s especially sensitive to the weather, so I think it’s gonna rain today? But rain isn’t in the forecast…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean “sensitive to the weather”  
  
**GON:**  
She gets all fidgety and runs out in the middle of traffic to do loops in the boulevard  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh shit is she doing that now? Why are you texting me when she’s off doing that?!  
  
**GON:**  
She always comes back!  
  
**GON:**  
She’s like the neighborhood tornado siren. Goes out to alert the people and then comes right back in  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m glad you have such faith in your goat  
  
**GON:**  
Me too!  
  
**GON:**  
Last time it stormed I felt bad about keeping her in the shed so this time imma put her in the garage I think, but Kurapika’s pool table is in there and Milkweed has a habit of chewing on the wooden legs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe ask Knuckle?? His garage was kinda empty when we put that pool shit away, and everything was in those big cabinets  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So it’s not like she can monch on shit over there  
  
**GON:**  
Ooo you’re right  
  
**GON:**  
Brb  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Keep me posted  
  
**GON:**  
H MYGOD KILLUA  
  
**GON:**  
HOLY SHIT WHAT DO I DO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT! WHAT IS IT?  
  
**GON:**  
[ Image sent of a hand, squarish palm, equal-length fingers. The middle three fingers are skewered together by a nail the length of a pencil piercing straight through them like a goddamn shish kebab.]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IS THAT YOUR HAND?!  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
IT’S KNUCKLE’S HAND  
  
**GON:**  
I RAN UP SCREAMING AND I SCARED HIM AND HE NAIL-GUNNED HIS HAND  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Take him to the ER????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait you don’t have your license  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Get Mito to drive him to the ER????  
  
**GON:**  
Nah he says it doesn’t hurt  
  
**GON:**  
It isn’t bleeding??  
  
**GON:**  
Crisis averted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE IT’S AVERTED??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon what the fuck does that mean?!  
  
**GON:**  
Mito temporarily went to school as a nurse so we’re getting her to pull the nail out with some pliers  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Bro fuck that holy shit do NOT do that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON TAKE HIM TO THE ER  
  
**GON:**  
AAAAAAAAH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
oh mY GOD WHAT HAPPEND?!  
  
**GON:**  
My aunt saw and started screaming  
  
**GON:**  
SHE WON’T DO IT  
  
**GON:**  
We’re getting Leorio  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO TAKE HIM TO THE ER  
  


**Friday,** 10:56 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
ALLUKA, STOP GON AND LEORIO  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why what’s happening?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I heard screaming outside but didn’t check  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Are you here??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
KNUCKLE NAIL-GUNNED HIS FINGERS TOGETHER AND THEY’RE TRYNA GET LEORIO TO PULL THE NAIL OUT WITH SOME PLIERS  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
EW BLEH GROSS NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YEAH I KNOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
CONVINCE THEM TO GO TO THE ER  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
HHNRNRHGHGH NO I DON’T WANNA SEE IT??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT IF HE LOSES FEELING IN HIS FINGERS THOUGH??  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s not the end of the world  
  
**KILLUA:**  
ALLUKA  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Please, be responsible and convince them to get a professional to look at it  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
UGH  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
FINE  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Hang on  
  


**Friday,** 9:41 AM  
**GON:**  
ALLUKA JUST THREW UP IN THE DRIVEWAY  
  
**GON:**  
[ Image of Alluka bent over in the driveway. The asphalt is wet. Knuckle’s off in the corner of the shot with Leorio barely in view with the pliers. Knuckle has his good hand on his hip. He’s biting a stick. Aunt Mito’s on the phone all the way off in the yard, away from the scene. ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus Christ  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That looks like a Renaissance painting  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is he actually gonna pull the nail out??  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I th  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon??  
  
**GON:**  
BLOOD.  
  
**GON:**  
EVERYWHERE.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
ER NOW  
  
**GON:**  
Crisis averted. Leorio put bandaids on his fingers and it stopped  
  
**GON:**  
O and Neosporin  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m so nervous that Knuckle has nerve damage now  
  
**GON:**  
Nah he doesn’t he says it hurts a lot  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That isn’t reassuring??  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway I gotta get to work for the afternoon rush  
  
**GON:**  
Knuckle’s driving OH AND HE ALSO AGREED to house Milkweed temporarily during the storm  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Knuckle shouldn’t be driving dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The guy just had his fingers skewered like a bunch of mini weenies at a barbecue  
  
**GON:**  
Nah he’s fine  
  
**GON:**  
I’ll let you know when we receive The Package and then we’ll be over  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I guess?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
See ya dude?  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on a true story.


	25. It's Time To Get Spooky

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Friday,** 8:45 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you think you could bring some flashlights? I can’t find any of mine  
  
**GON:**  
O shoot we’re in the car rn  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe y’all could pick some up at Target or something? I’ll pay you back as long as I get to keep them  
  
**GON:**  
Sure! Might add an extra hour to the trip we’ll be at your place around ten  
  
**KILLUA:**  
An extra hour?? Where are you guys going for these fleshlights  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*flashlights 🙄  
  
**GON:**  
KILLUA?? MAKING A TYPO??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t acknowledge this one, please  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Acknowledge any typo but this  
  
**GON:**  
We’re getting the fleshlights from Target  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon do NOT use that word  
  
**GON:**  
Why not?  
  
**GON:**  
We’re just getting some fleshlights from Target  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON, I SWEAR TO GOD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Also the Target is honestly five minutes away from my house it shouldn’t take an extra hour  
  
**GON:**  
Clearly you’ve never bought fleshlights from target with me before  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No comment.  
  
**GON:**  
Stores are my kryptonite  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok comment: What do you mean by this  
  
**GON:**  
You know how I really like gushers?  
  
**GON:**  
Like… REALLY like gushers  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re making it sound like you’ve made out with a pack of gushers before  
  
**GON:**  
You know what I mean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I got you gushers from Target we literally talked about this the other night  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah, but gushers, like, fuck me up dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hmmm  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Explain  
  
**GON:**  
They’re, like, really colorful. And then you pair em by color and eat em with one on each side of your mouth and you gotta chew em the same exact amount or else the world will end  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Hmmm I’m not following  
  
**GON:**  
They’re really distracting cuz they’re so colorful is what I’m tryna say  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does this have to do with Target?  
  
**GON:**  
It’s like me with gushers, except triple the effect  
  
**GON:**  
No wait  
  
**GON:**  
quadruple the effect  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So what you’re saying is you get distracted in Target  
  
**GON:**  
It takes all my mental faculties + Kurapika to get me out of a store  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does this mean?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh, wait, no I think I get it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are we talking about your ADHD?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I think so  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude just let Leorio or someone go in instead  
  
**GON:**  
NO  
  
**GON:**  
I won’t let Target defeat me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon you don’t have to defeat Target  
  
**GON:**  
But I like feeling like my brain’s on fire  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon you’re being ridiculous don't go into Target  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but have you ever felt like you’re simultaneously watching 15 commercials  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon that sounds awful please do not go into Target  
  
**GON:**  
Too late  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t forget batteries  
  


**Friday,** 9:03 PM **KILLUA:**  
Can you guys pick up batteries while you’re at Target?  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Yeah sure thing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And don’t let Gon buy a Ouija board at Target  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Does Target even supply ouija boards??  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
No  
  
**LEORIO:**  
NO  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
NOPE  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Just a heads up, it might be a while before we get to The House  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah Gon explained that to me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Is it true that he doesn’t go to the store very often?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Sorta?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
We sometimes go to the bodega corner store thing down the road and he does pretty well there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It sounds like it has something to do with colors  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah the bodega’s pretty bland ngl  
  
**LEORIO:**  
So that could explain it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m intrigued. Keep me posted  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Will do 👍  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Omg we lost him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What do you mean you lost him  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I mean one second he was there and the next he’s not  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Explain  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OH MY GOD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He just flew past us yelling “CHEF BOYARDEE BOY THIS STUFF IS GOOD”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
HE’S GONE like a fart in the wind  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I swear to God… Did Ikalgo teach you that?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
I was wondering where that iconic line came from  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
It’s kinda creepy we just hear Gon’s laughter in the distance like a horror movie soundtrack  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dear lord  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
He’s gone silent  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Maybe we should split up  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Agreed  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
I told you we shoulda put Weed’s leash on him  
  
**LEORIO:**  
We aren’t putting Gon on a leash  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Admit it. It was a good idea.  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Guys stop fighting 😫  
  
**LEORIO:**  
We aren’t fighting. I’m just saying we shouldn’t be putting Gon on a leash  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OPE  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Did you see him 👀  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
False alarm. Just thought I heard something  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Y’all really weren’t kidding about these shenanigans  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Can’t you call him?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
A futile effort  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Fruitless effort  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GASP  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Same thought :O  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Status report  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
nothing from the bathing suit department  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Damn I really thought he’d be over there  
  
**LEORIO:**  
No he’d definitely be by the toys section that’s where all the commercials are  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Well by that logic he’d be in the food department  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Did you guys hear that?  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Hear what  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
It sounds like…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I'm following the sound of that GO MEAT commercial  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I need context I don't watch TV  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
[ Video of Kurapika and Leorio leading the pack through a jungle of plastic toys. Killua has to turn his volume all the way up, cup his hand over the speaker, and put it to his ear to hear the distant sound of Gon chanting, ‘I SAID A BEEF, HOT LINKS. I SAID A BEEF, HOT LINKS.’ ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This isn’t context but I approve of this message  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
Hillshire farms or something idk  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
[ A follow-up video featuring Kurapika chasing Gon down the main aisle while Gon breakdances in the middle of the floor while chanting, ‘I SAID A BEEF, HOT LINKS. I SAID A BEEF—” before Kurapika leaps and tackles him from behind. Off to the side, Zushi starts singing the tune under his breath while Alluka giggles behind the camera and Retz starts throwing down a boots-and-cats-and-boots-and-cats beat. Gon shouts, “WHEN I SAY HILLSHIRE, YOU SAY FARM—HILLSHIRE!” to which some random stranger from the electronics department shouts back, “FARM! GO MEAT!” ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god 😂  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah I was really proud of that video 😂  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Kurapika wrangled Gon looks like we’re getting otta here with time to spare  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Flashlights and batteries?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Got em  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon?  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
We have his body but not his brain  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
He’s singing that spaghetti-os rock commercial  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gotchya  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Glad he’s mostly in one piece  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
For sure  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
No promises  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Dude  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
👀  
  


“Whoa,” Gon breathed the second he stepped out of Kurapika’s car.

His sneakers crunched the gravel beneath his feet. The Zoldyck’s estate was at the end of a rough path marked by two strips of brick pavement overgrown with clover. When Alluka directed them to the gated entrance, even Kurapika had wondered if the place was abandoned, and after that long-ass trip down their forest driveway, Gon started to wonder if it really _was_ abandoned.

 _Maybe it’s just haunted_ , he thought, and both concepts were equally appealing to him.

The Zoldyck household was gothic in all sense of the word and was surrounded by an open, sweeping field that was lined with trees and accented by gardens and sculptures. There was a decommissioned fountain out front where an overhang of sorts stretched over the front door that opened when everyone climbed out of Kurapika’s car.

Ikalgo’s vehicle was parked nearby, but considering Gon didn’t recognize it, he was surprised to find Ikalgo bounding down the steps and out onto the gravel, arms thrust out as he shouted, “Hey guys!”

“Ikalgo!” Alluka exclaimed, beaming ear-to-ear as Ikalgo swept up to her and spun her into a tight hug. She giggled, legs kicked out and floundering until Ikalgo propped her back on her feet. “What’re you doing here?”

“I heard we’re getting spooky,” Ikalgo said with a little shimmy of his shoulders. “And you know me, I love The Spook.”

Kurapika squinted at him, arms crossed, and said, “Aren’t you the guy who’s obsessed with The Walking Dead?”

“Yes,” Gon and Ikalgo both said. Ikalgo put a hand to his heart, astounded, and Gon snickered.

At that point, Killua stepped out of the house wearing baggy sweatpants that were synched at the ankles and a cutoff, bright red UWM Badgers t-shirt. His hair was in a fluffy white disarray, swept back from his forehead in ways that sent Gon’s brain skyward. It reminded him of clouds, or maybe frothy, white-tipped ocean waves.

Killua gave a dramatic bow and said, “Welcome to my abode.”

“Nice place you’ve got here,” Alluka said, and Kurapika snorted.

“Actually though, this place is super nice,” Zushi said.

Retz pointed off to the west and said, “Is that a tennis court?”

Killua looked at it like he wasn’t quite sure and said, “Uh, yeah. My mom plays tennis, or whatever. It’s kinda overgrown, and there’s a basketball court and stuff too.”

“So cool…” Zushi gasped.

“Where are the ghosts?” Gon asked, and behind him, Leorio put a hand over his eyes and sighed.

Killua’s eyes were bright and blue and hesitated on Gon for half a second before smiling off to the side and gesturing towards the house. “This way. I’ll show you guys the storm shelter.”

The group migrated around the side of the house. In doing so, Gon got a solid look at the windows with their thin, intricate framework and stained glass detailing. He felt like he was on the outskirts of a fortress, or maybe on the grounds of a church instead of an actual home.

As they turned towards the back of the house, a light flickered on over the back porch. There were lamps around the yard that cast a faint, warm glow around the trees. A particularly hefty gust of wind pulled Gon’s hair flat back against his head.

The storm shelter doors were hatched down amidst a bed of blackberry bushes. Gon picked a few and popped them in his mouth without question, and Alluka shook her head at him. Gon shrugged and said, “What? They taste good.”

“They could have been poisonous,” she said.

“If that’s how I go, it’s how I go,” he hummed, and picked a few more just for good measure.

He took a handful of blackberries with him over to where Ikalgo was helping Killua pull back the doors on their hinges. The doors flopped down over the bushes, revealing a vast pit of blackness that engulfed the concrete steps.

“This is it,” Killua said, brushing his hands off on his jeans. He looked back at them all, one foot poised on the first step. “Anyone got a flashlight?”

“No way. I’m not goin’ down there,” Leorio said, shaking his head.

“Aw, come on…” Alluka whined.

“It won’t be fun, I’ll promise you that,” Kurapika said.

Zushi tugged one of the flashlights out of Leorio’s bag and checked the batteries on it before handing it off to Killua.

Killua shined the line down the stairs, and that action alone shut everyone up—

—because the stairs just kept going. Gon couldn’t make out the basement floor.

“It’s not actually that scary,” Killua reassured.

“Uh… Can we all hold hands?” Zushi asked, voice small and pitiful. He sounded like he regretted handing the flashlight off.

“Yeah, holding hands sounds like a great idea,” Alluka agreed. From the pocket of her coat, she pulled out the ghost hunting device they had spent all day waiting for. It was a remote of sorts with a green-to-red scale at one end, fit with beaded lights.

She hooked her elbow around Gon’s, the device in hand. Zushi grabbed Gon’s other hand, and Retz took Zushi by the other hand and Leorio with the other. Kurapika took up the end of the line while Ikalgo took hold of Alluka’s hand, and Killua’s with the other, making Killua the leader of the pack.

“Alright, guess I’ll go first,” Killua sighed.

Leorio handed off the other flashlights and together, the eight of them descended into the storm shelter one-by-one until Kurapika’s head of blonde hair disappeared beneath the concrete steps, leaving a dark, vacant opening in their wake when their lights faded out of view.

It smelled damp—not quite like mildew, but more like asphalt after a fresh coat of rain. Alluka’s hand was warm on Gon’s arm, and he squeezed tighter. His eyes were on the green light on the sensor in her hands before he looked back at Zushi, who had his elbow hooked around Gon’s so that he could hold a flashlight to the stairs. Zushi looked at him, eyes shining with terror, and Gon couldn’t help but grin like the devil.

“You’re scaring me!” Zushi whispered in a panic.

“Yeah, you look pretty scary,” Retz said.

Kurapika leant over into view and said, “He’s in his natural habitat.”

“Rude!” Gon laughed, only to shrug and said, “But true.”

They reached the ground floor and there, Killua canvased the room with a sweep of his flashlight. It was a wide, open space marked by dense metal and stone columns. The ceiling was lower than expected, just high enough to fit Leorio, which was both a curse and a blessing considering the cobwebs.

Leorio ducked to avoid them and remained that way as they all gathered in a circle between the stone pillars as long, dark shadows circled them at every passing light. Retz and Alluka yelped whenever one moved at the shifting of Killua’s position as he went to explore a bit deeper. Alluka’s position was delineated by the steady green light on the ghost hunting device.

“The creepy dumbwaiter is over there,” Killua said, pointing off in the distance. “I kinda wanted to try it out.”

“Absolutely _not_ ,” Leorio said.

“Let’s stick Gon in it,” Kurapika said just as Gon said, “What’s a dumbwaiter?”

“It’s like a mini elevator that isn’t meant for people,” Zushi said, hugging Gon’s arm tighter, “and _you aren’t going in it_.”

“By ‘try it out’, I meant stick the ghost sensor in it,” Killua said, rolling his eyes. He turned to them with a shrug and said, “Maybe someone died in it. You never know.”

“I think there’s some old storage rooms in that direction. Dad’s old wine collection is over there—” Alluka said, and that was all the prompting Kurapika needed. He broke away from Leorio and started in that direction, taking one of the flashlights with him.

“Wait! No splitting up from the group—!” Leorio cried, voice cracking. He started pulling Retz with him, who pulled Zushi, who pulled Gon, Alluka, Ikalgo, and Killua with him. Killua staggered after them, his flashlight sweeping around and flashing momentarily over a pale column of stone that looked suspiciously out of shape—

But that was besides the point! Kurapika was breaking into the Zoldyck’s wine cellar where two wide walls of diamond shelves were occupied by an absurd number of wine bottles. They were all collecting dust down there, and the eerie, feathery glow of Kurapika’s flashlight passed over them all as he stepped into the room, eyes wide and passing down the aisle in fascination.

With all of them now in the room, they started dropping hands, but Alluka kept a strong hold on Gon from where they remained near the door. Alluka looked back at the hallway they had walked into, just outside of that wide, open space of stone and metal columns.

“What is it?” Gon whispered.

“N-Nothing, just thought I saw something,” she whispered. She hugged his arm and said, “The basement’s always scared me. I never liked the energy down here—Don’t you feel it?”

“Not really,” he confessed, voice quiet as the others discussed the sort of wine they’d open with Ikalgo’s swiss army knife.

Killua pulled out one he deemed fit for the party and turned it over to Ikalgo. “Tempranillo. The wines over here are over twenty years old, I think.”

“I have no clue what this is, but sure,” Ikalgo said, and ducked down to get the cork opener ready.

Ikalgo put one knee to the ground and poised the bottle on the concrete. He twisted the cork opener in while everyone watched, holding their breaths until the cork popped out. Zushi clapped his hands as Ikalgo took the first swig, followed by Killua chanting in a bored voice, “Chug, chug, chug.”

Ikalgo yanked the bottle back with a gasp, passing the back of his hand over his mouth. “I don’t know why I did that—it tastes _awful_.”

“Does it really? Let me try,” Retz said, reaching out for her turn. Ikalgo passed it to her, and as the two of them sat on the ground, everyone else seemed to join in with their flashlights reflecting off of the dusty bottles around the room.

No one put their back to the door.

Eventually, the bottle came around to Gon, who had taken to watching everyone during the course of Spin The Bottle but instead of spinning it they passed it to the person next to them. Gon jumped back to eighth grade when he played spin the bottle at a party after a school dance.

“We need to finish this _stat_ so we can play Spin The Bottle,” Gon said just before taking a drink.

Alluka gasped, hands poised on her crossed ankles. “Ooh, that’s a great idea!”

“I am _not_ playing Spin The Bottle with my _sister_ ,” Killua said, and Ikalgo laughed as Gon threw his head back and groaned.

“We’re gonna play the Truth or Dare version!” he said. He handed the bottle off to Alluka, giving her a little nudge with his elbow. “No kissing required.”

“I’m in,” Retz declared and Kurapika seconded that.

Zushi grimaced, looking out at the open room door. Leorio seemed to have the same idea, and within seconds, they were all staring silently at the looming, dark hallway just outside the room. Gon’s eyes drifted up to the beams overhead, strung together with cobwebs.

He then looked down at the ghost sensor, which sat in front of Alluka’s hands on the concrete, facing the bottle. It was green.

“We should have got a Ouija board from Target,” Gon whispered, since talking normally felt too stark compared to the chilling silence.

Alluka slapped his arm. “As if Target would sell Ouija boards! And I wouldn’t have let you buy it anyway. Now finish this bottle.”

Something popped far across the basement.

Everyone stopped. Zushi was holding onto Retz for dear life. Retz clasped a hand over Alluka’s arm, eyes wide, and Alluka stared at her and everyone else in the room before Killua scoffed and said, “It’s just the pipes.”

“Just the pipes?!” Leorio rasped, three octaves higher than usual. He turned to Kurapika with a surly nod and reassured, “It’s just the pipes.”

After finishing the bottle, Ikalgo laid it in the center of their makeshift circle. He eyed the sensor as he did, and Alluka gave it a little nudge before putting it up to her face. She turned it over and back again, resting it on the ground.

“Is it working?” Ikalgo asked.

“I think so. Nothing yet, though,” she said, shaking her head. “Let’s go. Ikalgo, you spin first since you put it there.”

Ikalgo swipe the neck of the bottle around. The glass whistled across the smooth concrete, spinning in a blur before slowing and teetering near—

Killua.

“Fuck yes!” Ikalgo yelled. Killua leant back on one hand, rolling his eyes, as Ikalgo did a little victory thrust into the air as Alluka slapped a hand over her face. “Okay, okay, truth or dare, man.”

“Truth, I guess.”

Ikalgo grinned devilishly at Gon, who rose an eyebrow just before Ikalgo turned back to his victim and said, “Have you and Gon kissed yet?”

“Ooh, gettin’ right to it,” Kurapika said, clapping his hands.

Given the fact that they had seven flashlights between the group of them, there was no way for Killua to hide his blush.

“You’re—You’re ridiculous,” Killua said.

“That’s not an answer,” Ikalgo sang with a wag of his finger.

“F-Fine! Like, once. We’ve kissed once.”

“We have?” Gon said, and a collective gasp went around the room. Alluka covered her mouth.

Killua stared at him like he grew a third head. Gon shrugged, because he really couldn’t remember. How could he have missed something like that?

“On the roof, dude,” Killua said.

“No, you were just saying goodnight. Lots of people do that,” Gon said.

“Aw, cute. You kissed him goodnight,” Alluka said.

“Aw, did you tuck him in like a wittle baby and read him a bedtime story?” Kurapika cooed and Zushi fell over laughing.

“Alluka’s kissed me on the cheek goodnight,” Gon said, and Ikalgo followed up with a scandalous, “ _Oooo!_ ”

“Th-That’s—! That’s completely different!” Killua cried, indignant. He scoffed and looked away, ears bright red. “And in case you forgot, I kissed you _on the lips_. It totally counts!”

“Okay, next, next, next,” Retz said, barely holding back her laughter. Killua went for the bottle and gave it a spin.

It landed on Kurapika.

“Dare,” Kurapika said.

Killua grinned, relaxing back on his hand again. “Two minutes in the boiler room with nothing but the ghost sensor.”

“Oh, shit,” Ikalgo snorted.

“What, I know he can handle it,” Killua said, gesturing to Kurapika, who looked more or less like he just murdered a person and got away with it.

“Deal,” Kurapika said. He got up, went for Alluka’s ghost sensor, and said, “Show me the way.”

The group emerged from the wine cellar and headed down the hallway with Killua in the lead. At the end of the hallway, where they were met with a solid stone-brick wall, Killua opened up a door and shined his flashlight in. “Over here. Watch your head.”

The room was comprised of awkwardly shaped walls and low ceilings. Through a narrow passage, Kurapika emerged into the boiler room. The piping was jagged and skewed all across the room in a web of metal, and the boiler itself looked like it hadn’t been used since the early 1900s.

Kurapika warily sat down as Killua’s flashlight sent the shadows warping. “Alright, setting a timer and… see you on the other side, man,” Killua said just before crawling back out into the hallway and shutting the door.

The solid _thud_ of the door echoed across the room. One of the pipes creaked. Kurapika lowered himself down onto the ground, his eyes on the green light, before he set it in his lap, hands relaxed over his knees. He kept his back off of the wall in fear of spiders and—

 _No, no fear. I’m not afraid of spiders_ , he thought, but he was, in fact, afraid of spiders. Was that one crawling on his ankle right then? He swatted at his foot as a creepy crawly sensation coursed up his spine.

It traveled fast, like that time he jumped into a leaf pile the size of Mount Rushmore and all the leaves started to creep their way up his shirt and pant legs.

He grabbed at the ghost sensor and gave it a tap. It was just green.

Until it wasn’t.

The green flickered to the second light, just a tinge more yellow than before.

The air punched out of Kurapika’s lungs.

 _You don’t even believe in ghosts. It’s probably just malfunctioning ‘cause you hit it_ , Kurapika told himself, giving the plastic device another flick.

It did nothing. He held it out in front of him and gave it a slow sweep across the area. His wrist hit something.

He jerked back, only to reach out a gain and clasp his fingers around one of the metal poles. He cursed, his voice so much louder than the muffled sound of everyone outside of the room chattering amongst themselves.

He passed the sensor over the boiler.

The light jumped two beaded spokes and flickered to green and back again, stuck on a steady yellow.

“Shit—shitshitshitshitshit—” Kurapika swore, pushing to his feet. His head hit the low ceiling. “Uh, guys? Guys?! The sensor—”

It spiked to red.

A rush of cold swept over Kurapika’s limbs as he felt every last hair follicle on his body raise to attention.

He scrambled for the door, screaming as he slammed into the metal handle and fought to get a hold of it. He heaved it open and tripped over the threshold, falling into the hallway.

“And… time,” Killua said, three flash lights now blinding Kurapika, who was struggling to his feet and backing away from the door.

The sensor in his hand was back to green.

“Did you guys not hear me?” Kurapika said, and the pitch of his voice made everyone silent. “The sensor was _red_.”

“No way!” Gon gasped, grappling for the device. He yanked it out of Kurapika’s numb hands and said, “I wanna see! Oh my gosh—lock me in there next, please, I beg you—”

“Why are you so thirsty for the paranormal?” Alluka said.

When they locked Gon in the boiler room next, he came out disappointed and grumpy. “Ghosts don’t like me,” he decided, pouting, and Leorio gave him a fond pat on the head for it. Kurapika sneered at him and stalked back to the wine cellar.

At the circle, Kurapika spun the bottle and sat back to watch it spiral around the room. He hooked his thumbnail between his teeth, eyes wary on the door. Leorio pursed his lips next to him. Even if the sensor didn’t work for Gon, clearly Kurapika had seen something, and that open cellar door unnerved him.

The bottle landed on Alluka.

“Oh no,” Alluka moaned, hands over her face. “Truth?”

Kurapika cleared his throat and said, “Tell us the story of why you don’t like the basement.”

Alluka laughed nervously and said, “I mean, isn’t it obvious? It’s creepy.”

“Nah, that’s not gonna cut it,” Kurapika said.

“Yeah, just air out her trauma, why don’t’chya?” Ikalgo said, and Alluka straightened with a sharp, “It’s not _trauma!_ ”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s—” Alluka started. Her shoulders slumped. She glanced over at the door and sighed, eyes dropping to the sensor on the ground where no one wanted to sit with their back to the door. “When I was little, Illumi… _might_ have locked me in the basement. There’s the storm door and then there’s the trap door in my dad’s office and I had to run from the storm door to the ladder.”

“Did you make it out?” Retz asked, gasping.

Ikalgo teased, “ _No_ , she’s still down here.”

Retz leant across the circle to slap him in the leg.

“Oh, yeah, I made it out,” Alluka said. She lifted her stark blue eyes to meet Kurapika’s. “But not before seeing something.”

Gon swore the temperature in the air plummeted a whole ten degrees. He shivered, his eyes stuck on Alluka’s profile as she looked across all of them.

“There was a silhouette. At the start of that hallway over here,” she said, pointing out the way they came in. “I think she was a little girl. And she stands by each of the pillars when you walk across the room so you can’t tell which is her and which is a column. She followed me all the way to the ladder and then—”

“Then what?” Gon breathed, barely able to speak.

“And then…” Alluka took a deep breath. “And then just as I was about to climb up, it felt like… _wind_ against my neck. But I could hear her voice—in my head—”

“No fucking way,” Kurapika said.

“—and she said, ‘ _When I SAY HILLSHIRE, YOU SAY FARM!_ ’”

“God _dammit!_ ” Ikalgo screamed. Retz and Zushi let out relieved breaths.

“Fucking _knew it_ , you snake,” Kurapika seethed.

Alluka collapsed, laughing, and kicked her feet out. When everyone recovered, she said, “Yeah, but that part about Illumi is true. My turn!”

Alluka twisted the bottle around and gave it a good spin.

It landed on Gon.

Gon gasped, clapping his hands. “Yay! Okay, okay, dare.”

“I dare you to make out with Killua,” she said, and Killua immediately fired back, “Hey!”

“Okay,” Gon said, and Kurapika clapped his hands and barked out a laugh while Leorio’s jaw dropped. It continued to drop further and further as Gon crawled across the circle to a flustered, nervous Killua who tried unsuccessfully to back away.

Gon pressed a knee between Killua’s raised legs, his other on the opposite side of Killua’s foot. Killua pushed his hands to Gon’s shoulders, but beyond that, didn’t use force. Instead, he stared at Gon, his eyes bright and caught in the light of seven different flashlights as Gon smiled wide and whispered, “Ready?”

“Cute—!” Ikalgo squealed from across the room. Killua leant over to glare at him. He put a finger out to flip Ikalgo off, but in the middle of doing so, Gon captured his pout between his lips.

Killua let out a startled squeak as their friends whooped and hollered. Gon surged up, clasping his hands to either side of Killua’s jaw as they kissed. Killua’s breath tasted like spearmint, and it was sharp against his tongue when Gon licked at the seam of Killua’s mouth and—

Alluka slapped Gon’s ass. “All right, that’s enough.”

Gon yelped. He leant back on his heels and brushed his thumb across his lips. Killua stared at him in what appeared to be mild horror (or perhaps a mildly positive impression?) as Gon retreated back to his side of the circle, sat down, and gave Killua a wink.

Killua covered his eyes and moaned, “Oh my God…”

“My turn!” Gon declared, and spun the bottle.

The bottle whipped around the circle, its sights on everyone there as they spun by in a blur of flashing lights and eager eyes. As the bottle slowed, it skimmed once, twice, three times over Kurapika as he went, “Ooh—! Whoaah! Oooh—” every time it passed him. Leorio nudged him in the elbow.

The bottle landed on the door and the (mostly) empty space in front of it. The sensor glowed back green.

After an awkward silence, Retz leant over and nudged the neck of the bottle gently towards Alluka, who squeaked and said, “No, no! We have to spin again—”

The sensor blinked yellow.

Kurapika pointed at it and yelled, “That! That’s what it looked like!”

“That isn’t _red_ ,” Zushi argued, “that’s—”

The light shot back to green.

“Yellow for truth, red for d—!” Gon said, but Alluka slapped her hand over his mouth.

They all waited, holding onto one another. The green light stared back, all on its lonesome in that gap between Alluka and Retz. It loomed, menacingly, before the vacant cellar doorway, backlit by Zushi’s flashlight where he left it facing them on the ground near a stack of crates.

The sensor flickered.

It struck red.

“Holy shit!” Kurapika screamed, scrambling to his feet—but not as fast as Leorio lunging over the bottle, the sensor, and running for the door.

Everyone screamed. It was madness. Gon thought his heart was about to burst out of his ribcage as he raced after everyone.

They ran like madmen between the pillars, flashlights swinging. “ _Where’s the fucking stairs?!_ ” Zushi screamed. Alluka grabbed him by the hand and ran, yelling, “ _This way, follow me!_ ”

They raced up the storm shelter stairs and out into the lawn, skidding across the dewy grass. Gon flung himself to the ground, rolling onto his back as Killua and Ikalgo battened the hatches on the storm doors.

“The sensor—we left it down there!” Retz cried.

“I am _not_ going back down there,” Alluka said.

“Agreed,” Kurapika said.


	26. In Times Of Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off of the Corntober prompt: Piercings lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood.

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  
Miscellaneous  
  


**Saturday,** 11:15 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude speaking of butt stuff do you ever take a dump so big it feels a little gay coming out  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me while I board the next plane to Canada  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’m just saying  
  
**IKALGO:**  
That’s never happened to you?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No! What the fuck have you been eating?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Bricks apparently  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not to interrupt this broadcast or anything  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But have you been talking to Gon lately?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Why? Trouble in paradise  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Again  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No, but  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait what do you mean again??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Every time you text me something like “have you heard from Gon lately” it usually means he’s not texting you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God you’re right  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Am I clingy? Maybe I’m a little clingy.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Be whatever you wanna be bro just go with the flow vibe it out  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m serious. What if I am clingy?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Do you double-text?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What’s that  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I take it back. Do you triple-text?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Where you send three texts before the other person even responds  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Especially scandalous if you send those three texts over a large span of time. All at once in the middle of a conversation doesn’t matter  
  
**KILLUA:**  
There’s etiquette to the number of times you text someone??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Dude of course! What are we, animals? Anarchists? Satan worshipers?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, we DID go ghost hunting in my basement. That was kind of satanic  
  
**IKALGO:**  
So do you or do you not triple-text  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If we’re getting technical  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I quadruple-texted  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Sheer anarchy.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT DO I DO? I can’t text him again!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Damn you right can’t quindruple-text this bastard  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t think that’s the right word  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What if he just never responds? I kept them spread out in case he was too busy to get the first notification, like, maybe he’s more available now and if I text him he’ll notice the alert when it comes in? Maybe I should text him again.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Do NOT text him again  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO HELP MEEE  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Have you asked Alluka?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No but now I definitely can’t cuz she’ll think I’m being clingy D:  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t want her to think I’m ruining my first ever relationship. Do you think this is how Zushi and Gon broke up??????  
  
**IKALGO:**  
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THEY BROKE UP?? THEY WERE TOGETHER??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YES.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GET WITH THE PROGRAM  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHEN???  
  


**Saturday,** 12:06 PM  
**GON:**  
Hey sorry for the delay I was just piercing my ears  
  
**KILLUA:**  
For seven hours?  
  


**Saturday,** 12:10 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
CODE RED  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON JUST RESPONDED WITH AN EXCUSE AND I IMMEDIATELY RESPONDED WITH “For seven hours?”  
  
**IKALGO:**  
AHAHA  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Doing what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Piercing his ears  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Wait did he word it like that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah he said he was busy piercing his ears  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Ummm  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Lowkey makes it sound like he did it himself  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait.  
  


**Saturday,** 12:14 PM  
**GON:**  
Yeah I kinda did more than one  
  
**GON:**  
But like, not continuously seven hours  
  
**GON:**  
But my brain was occupied for seven hours  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you do it yourself?  
  
**GON:**  
Have you ever tried to pierce your belly button at home??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Pierce your belly button yourself.  
  
**GON:**  
Yes D:  
  


**Saturday,** 12:17 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
He pierced his belly button himself  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Damn  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Pain tolerance of a goddamn bull  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I need to lie down.  
  


**Saturday,** 12:14 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Ma’am this is a Wendy’s.  
  
**GON:**  
You wanna get your ears pierced this fine evening???  
  
**KILLUA:**  
1) It’s the middle of the afternoon and 2) That sounds vaguely like a threat  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And 3) My mom would kill me  
  
**GON:**  
She’ll never know  
  
**KILLUA:**  
In what world are piercings conspicuous enough for people NOT to notice  
  
**GON:**  
Just say you tripped and fell and hurt your earlobe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
With WHAT, a syringe??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
As if she isn’t already suspicious that my brothers and I do drugs  
  
**GON:**  
Do you do drugs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO I don’t do drugs, Gon  
  
**GON:**  
Do you wanna do drugs  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO, GON, I DON’T WANT TO DO DRUGS  
  
**GON:**  
I see…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Whatever happened with that coworker of yours  
  
**GON:**  
O Uvo?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
O we’re chill  
  
**GON:**  
Sometimes after hours we smoke a little in the back but nothing too spicy  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Doesn’t that shit smell? I feel like Kurapika out of anyone would be able to tell  
  
**GON:**  
Cologne does wonders  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shut the fuck up you do NOT wear cologne  
  
**GON:**  
Then what do I smell like??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You smell like laundry detergent and grass  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I’m a grass stain magnet :T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s what you get for dive-bombing Milkweed in the yard  
  
**GON:**  
OH  
  
**GON:**  
THAT REMINDS ME OF WHAT I DID THE PAST SEVEN HOURS  
  
**GON:**  
Aside from piercing my belly button  
  
**KILLUA:**  
??  
  
**GON:**  
This guy has been frequenting our street lately lookin in peoples yards  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck call the police??  
  
**GON:**  
No  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why not?  
  
**GON:**  
Because he’s been looking for Milkweed I think he found out where I live (the guy who was supposed to buy Milkweed)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So you’re telling me that you actually stole Milkweed  
  
**GON:**  
Yes that’s why I told you she’s easily disguiseable I wasn’t kidding  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So some guy trespassed up and down your street looking for Milkweed??  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah and since our lawn has been so flawless after getting Milkweed, I think he knew it was us  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No offense but your lawn still looks like shit, but I digress. Continue.  
  
**GON:**  
Kurapika and I have been keeping our eyes peeled the past week cuz they noticed this really sketch white van driving down our street  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate: Call the police  
  
**GON:**  
And they saw this guy looking through our windows one day when I was house training Milkweed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I REITERATE  
  
**GON:**  
So I’m now CONVINCED this guy is the rat bastard who tried to steal Milkweed from me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It sounds more like you stole Milkweed from him?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And it doesn’t sound like that at all? It sounds like there’s a stalker in your neighborhood  
  
**GON:**  
Anyways  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And it’s “anyway” not “anyways”  
  
**GON:**  
Anyway  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Thank you  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah no problem  
  
**GON:**  
We’re smuggling Milkweed over to Zushi’s place right now  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Doesn’t Zushi live in the same neighborhood? It shouldn’t make a difference  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but his backyard is more obscured  
  
**GON:**  
Like, you can’t see through the fence  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah and Zushi’s mom hasn’t mowed the lawn in half a century anyway so this is exactly what Milkweed is here for  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Working gal  
  
**GON:**  
I know!! At this rate I should get her a uniform. Put out ads in the newspaper.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She’ll probably eat the uniform  
  
**GON:**  
True  
  
**GON:**  
Ope hang on I gotta do a photoshoot for a second  
  
**KILLUA:**  
A what  
  


**Saturday,** 12:57 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
[ IMAGE SENT ]  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
[ An arial picture of Gon lying comatose in the backyard’s overgrown flowerbed. Photo appears to have been taken from Gon’s bedroom window. Aunt Mito is on the back deck mid-scream, staring at his body. Leorio’s leaping off the deck yelling. There’s a red splotch on Gon’s stomach where his hand is flopped around what appears to be a metal rod. ]  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
GON FELL OUT THE WINDOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I know he’s alive. He literally just told me he had to go do a photoshoot  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Fucking hell that bastard  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Very convincing though. Send it to Ikalgo.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Roger that.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
The blood looks weirdly realistic? Did y’all go to that Halloween store  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
No Gon’s new piercing bled through his shirt. Bad day to wear white.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god.  
  


**Saturday,** 1:01 PM  
**IKALGO:**  
KILLUA  
  
**IKALGO:**  
DID YOU GET A TEXT FROM ALLUKA??!?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No why  
  
**IKALGO:**  
IT’S GON  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THEY’RE ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW HE FELL OUT THE WINDOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Serves him right from sitting on the roof so much  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I’M SERIOUS  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I HAVE PROOF  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THE MAN FUCKING IMPALED HIMSELF  
  
**IKALGO:**  
[ IMAGE SENT ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
holy shit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O my god  
  
**IKALGO:**  
KILLUA D: WHAT DO WE DO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I need to call Alluka and figure out what hospital they’re going to  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHY DIDN’T THEY CALL AN AMBULANCE?!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
THEY’RE EXPENSIVE YOU BITCH D:  
  
**KILLUA:**  
OH GOD  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHAT IS IT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
She just sent me a picture  
  
**IKALGO:**  
SHOW ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
There’s a lot of blood I dunno if you can handle it  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Show me.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ IMAGE SENT ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ It’s a picture of Gon in front of an unfamiliar mirror showing off his inflamed, likely infected belly button, winking at the camera with his tongue sticking out. ]  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You whore. I hate you so much.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gotchya tehe  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHO EVEN ARE YOU  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I hate it here. Where’s that ticket you bought to Canada. It’s mine now.  
  


**Saturday,** 12:57 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
MAYDAY MAYDAY  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
O SHIT O FUCK  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you… need help?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Weren’t y’all delivering Milkweed to Zushi’s place?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
YES  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
HANG ONCAN I CAL LYOu?  
  


Incoming call from **Sis,** 1:29 PM  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“OK, I’M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKER.”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Please do.”  
  
**LEORIO:**  
*Incoherent screaming in the background*  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Who was that?”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“GET BACK HERE YOU PIECE OF—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
*Incoherent screaming*  
  
**GON:**  
“KURAPIKA NO!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“I’LL FUCK YOU UP, OLD MAN!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“That is MY PROPERTY—”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“I’ll show you property—my foot, UP YOURS!”  
  
**MILKWEED:**  
*Distant goat noises*  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Killua, how fast can you get here?!”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“I am NOT getting involved with this. You know what I think about y’all stealing Milkweed—”  
  
**GON:**  
*Sobbing*  
  
**GON:**  
“I didn’t STEAL MILKWEED—”  
  
**LEORIO:**  
“Oh no—Zushi’s parents are gonna FLIP.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Kurapika don’t—! Don’t chase AFTER HIM! He’s leaving, leave him alone!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“I’m calling the fucking police!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“Do it and I’ll tell ‘em what you did!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“I didn’t—! I didn’t DO ANYTHING—”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“They’ll all fucking know what you did!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“You shut your fucking trap or I’ll—”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“You’ll what, you bitch! You’ll treat me the way you treat your wife, is that it?!”  
  
**LEORIO:**  
“Kurapika!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about—”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Oh my God—”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“See what the police think when I—”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“You’re fucking insane! Stay the fuck away from me!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“You think a restraining order’s gonna work on me the same way it did with your wife?!”  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
“What the fuck are they talking about—”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“You stay away from me!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“Then stay out of my fucking lawn!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
“I WILL!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“GOOD RIDDANCE!”  
  
**UNKNOWN:**  
*Car speeds off*  
  
**LEORIO:**  
“I have a headache now…”  
  
**GON:**  
“Kurapika! You saved Milkweed!”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Yeah, by slandering a man’s name up and down your neighborhood.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Okay well, I guess we didn’t need you. Thanks Killua!”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“You owe me one whole hot dog from the Doghouse.”  
  
**GON:**  
“Yes! I can do that. I can definitely do that. Oh geez, okay, should we go now or—”  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
“Now. All that yelling made me hungry.”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Wanna meet us at the Doghouse?”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Who, me?”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Yeah!”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Uh, sure?”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“And maybe make sure Gon wears a clean shirt.”  
  
**GON:**  
“Aw! But—!”  
  
**LEORIO:**  
“Already on it. See ya later, Killua!”  
  
**GON:**  
“Bye!”  
  
**ZUSHI:**  
“Oooh, Killua’s coming with us?”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Text me!”  
  
**KILLUA:**  
“Yeah, sure I guess. Wait—Can Ikalgo come?”  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
“Of course!”  
  


**Saturday,** 1:39 PM  
**KILLUA:**  
Yo Doghouse in like 15min?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
No :T  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Big mad at you :T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
C’mon dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll buy you one of those pineapple smoothies  
  
**IKALGO:**  
:T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alluka, Gon, Leorio, Kurapika, and Zushi are gonna be there  
  
**IKALGO:**  
UGH fine.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
But not because I’m friends with them or anything :T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Of course. I’ll let them all know you hate them ahead of time.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NO DON’T D:  
  
**IKALGO:**  
So meeeean  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m kidding dude lol  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So you’re in?  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah I’ll be at your place in five hehe  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Perfect 😈  
  



	27. Busting Peanuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killua attempts to manipulate his way into deciding on the next date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ali threatened me to post. I don't think he was serious but I took it seriously nonetheless 😂

**Tuesday,** 2:09 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Okay next question  
  
**GON:**  
Ok ok  
  
**GON:**  
I’m ready  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When’s the last time you REALLY laughed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m talking REALLY busted a gut   
  
**GON:**  
BUSTED A NUT??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THAT ISN’T AT ALL WHAT I MEANT BY THAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF THAT SAYING?  
  
**GON:**  
WHICH QUESTION DO YOU WANT ME TO ANSWER????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THE FIRST ONE  
  
**GON:**  
Hm… I gotta think about it… I laugh a lot  
  
**GON:**  
But then do you want me to answer the second one??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No!  
  
**GON:**  
I think I almost died laughing once  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not exactly surprised  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What was the situation  
  
**GON:**  
The football guys blow up these inflatable balloon things during assemblies  
  
**GON:**  
And one time they blew up an inflatable naked lady GOD THE TEACHERS WERE SO MAD It wound up on stage  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That feels very on brand for your sense of humor  
  
**GON:**  
HA yeah I know  
  
**GON:**  
Now you gotta tell me the last time you busted a nut laughing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Busted a gut  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah that’s what I said  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably just now when you thought I said “bust a nut”  
  
**GON:**  
AHA That’s kinda cute  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Eh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Debatable  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Illumi thinks I’ve been possessed these past few weeks  
  
**GON:**  
Really? Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s kind of embarrassing  
  
**GON:**  
Out of everyone to judge…  
  
**GON:**  
I’m a CONSTANT embarrassment dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s not that you’re gonna judge  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’ll just get an ego or something if I tell you  
  
**GON:**  
As if I don’t already have one ;)  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Alright fair  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Every time we text I’m just smiling the whole time like I’m looking at memes or some shit. I never used to do that  
  
**GON:**  
❤️❤️❤️  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I mean, I kinda did? But that’s just because Ikalgo’s a dumbass and I find that amusing  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oi what’d I say about the hearts  
  
**GON:**  
Not to use em 😞  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Thank you  
  
**GON:**  
But that’s how I felt when you told me that!  
  
**GON:**  
They’re an accurate depiction of me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Real hearts don’t even look like that  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but I look like 😍🥰😘 when we text so I can use those right?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  
**KILLUA:**  
If I could slap you across the face right now, I would  
  
**GON:**  
That might require a VERY long yardstick and a couple of those rubber slappy hands  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me but what did you call them?  
  
**GON:**  
Rubber slappy hands!  
  
**GON:**  
You know the kind  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sticky hands?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah those!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Rubber slappy hands  
  
**GON:**  
Yesss  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok, heard.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
When’s the next time I WON’T have to use three thousand yardsticks and a couple rubber slappy hands to smack you in the face  
  
**GON:**  
Hmmm I gotta think of another date idea… I have a few boring ones in mind but I like to wait until a quality event comes up  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok, then I have an idea  
  
**GON:**  
Wait  
  
**GON:**  
That isn’t how this works  
  
**KILLUA:**  
??  
  
**GON:**  
I come up with the date ideas  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon, no offense but your dates aren’t society’s definition of a date  
  
**GON:**  
Why should they be?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok, point taken  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But I still have a date idea  
  
**GON:**  
No.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck why can’t I tell you my date idea?  
  
**GON:**  
I like coming up with ideas  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my LORD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok fine then what’s something we haven’t done yet  
  
**GON:**  
Hmm… There’s lots of things…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’d be cool if it was something you didn’t even know about  
  
**GON:**  
Oh?? What is this category I’ve never heard of it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, like… what if the date happened and you didn’t know what was happening until we were already there  
  
**GON:**  
How would that work if I’m coming up with the idea?????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You would delegate the location to someone else  
  
**GON:**  
I see…………  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, and since we’re both participants, I should be the person who knows what it is so that you DON’T know  
  
**GON:**  
Ok………..  
  
**GON:**  
I’M GONNA ASK ALLUKA TO PICK  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO, THAT ISN’T WHAT I MEANT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God dammit  
  


**Tuesday,** 10:17 AM  
**ALLUKA:**  
So what’s this I hear about this date y’all are planning  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh it’s a mess  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m trying to convince Gon to relinquish control over deciding what we do on dates  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Y’all haven’t even really gone ON a date  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Precisely  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
I’m supposed to pick a location… And then, like, blindfold you guys or some shit on the way there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, you aren’t blindfolding me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re gonna do my date idea, but you’re gonna pretend it’s your idea  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
And what’s your date idea  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok, well, I’ve thought about it a lot more  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Within the past few hours since I was supposed to go to sleep  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Uh huh, sure  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And it kind of clashes with Gon’s Target Tendencies  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Excuse me his what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That state he get into when he goes to Target  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Kinda like when y’all couldn’t find him at the fair?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
OH right!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah that’s why outdoor activities are the best with him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s what I was thinking  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh my god are we, like  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
On the same page????  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So anyway  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What if we brought the outdoors IN  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok now we aren’t on the same page  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you think you could get Kurapika on board for driving us?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Only if you tell me the plan 😈  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Without being cryptic 😈😈😈😈  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Shedd Aquarium  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Oh my god you guys will never leave  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Please, I’ve survived shopping with you and Illumi  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Hmmm this is true…  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Still y’all will never leave  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life at the aquarium  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And I think he’d have fun?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah honestly I don’t think Gon’s been to the zoo or aquarium since he was a kid  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ok, I’ll let Kurapika know. What day?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Whenever’s best for both of them. This is supposed to be your idea so don’t tell Gon OR Kurapika that it’s mine  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Why can’t I tell Kurapika?  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Ope wait nope I know what you mean. You got it, dude 👍  
  


**Thursday,** 9:45 AM  
**IKALGO:**  
I SAW YOUR SNAP STORY, TRAITOR  
  
**IKALGO:**  
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WENT TO THE AQUARIUM WITHOUT ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
😝  
  
**IKALGO:**  
😤  
  
**KILLUA:**  
First real date with Gon  
  
**IKALGO:**  
And??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ Image of the two of them holding hands. The camera is pointed towards the ground where Killua’s purple converse are next to Gon’s green sneakers. ]  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s good I think  
  
**IKALGO:**  
You think??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think he’s nervous  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yall literally hang out all the time  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah but it’s never JUST the two of us ya know?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably doesn’t help that we’re low-key stranded until Kurapika picks us up this afternoon  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oooo shit  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Keep me posted dude  
  
**KILLUA:**  
😎  
  


**Thursday,** 10:24 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god I lost him  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I lost Gon  
  
**IKALGO:**  
LITERALLY HOW YALL WERE HOLDING HANDS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
MY HANDS GOT SWEATY SO I LET GO TO DRY THEM OFF ON MY PANTS AND WHEN I LOOKED BACK HE WAS GONE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’VE BEEN GOING IN CIRCLES FOR THE PAST TEN MINUTES THIS AQUARIUM IS THE SIZE OF THE ENTIRE STATE OF DELAWARE  
  
**IKALGO:**  
DON’T PANIC I’M SURE HE JUST WENT TO THE BATHROOM OR SOMETHING  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You’re probably right  
  
**KILLUA:**  
HE ISN’T THERE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO HELP  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Aaaah I don’t know! Front desk maybe??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
UGH I don’t want to do that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
And we have tickets to the dolphin show at noon I hope I find him before then  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yeah I mean it’s not like he LEFT THE BUILDING  
  
**KILLUA:**  
ThAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU THINK HE LEFT THE BUILDING  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IKALGO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
HE DIDN’T LEAVE THE BUILDING  
  
**IKALGO:**  
He absolutely did NOT leave the building  
  
**KILLUA:**  
MAYBE HE CAUGHT ON THAT THIS IS AN ACTUAL DATE AND DITCHED ME  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN DID HE NOT KNOW THIS WAS A DATE??  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NOT A REAL ONE, NO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
KILLUA YOU ARE MAKING ME SWEAT RIGHT NOW. IT’S POOLING IN MY PITS.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT IF I RUINED OUR RELATIONSHI  
  
**IKALGO:**  
WHERE’S THE P, MAN, YOU NEVER MISSPELL SHIT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Found him. That rotten disgusting evil fucking maniac of a person  
  
**KILLUA:**  
He was petting the stingrays.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh my god  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Now I know why Mito stopped bringing Gon to zoos and aquariums.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Buy something from the gift shop that loosely resembles a leash  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I might actually do that. I got so worked up my hands are slimier than the sting rays  
  
**IKALGO:**  
That is so disgusting and I definitely did not need to know that  
  
**KILLUA:**  
O wait we can’t go to the gift shop  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Why can’t you go to the gift shop  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Cuz you know what just happened  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Yes I’m well aware because I was there to witness the panic firsthand  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That, but tenfold  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Dear god.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah I just gave him my Apple watch so I can do the whole “find my device” thing  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Priceless  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll keep you posted  
  


**Thursday,** 11:02 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Fuck  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh no  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What happened  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon shoved BOTH of his arms into the tank and now my watch is water-logged  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Maybe if you went to the gift shop you could buy some rice  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m gonna beat your ass  
  
**KILLUA:**  
THEY DON’T. SELL. RICE. AT. GIFT SHOPS.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NOT 👏 WITH 👏 THAT 👏 ATTITUDE 👏 THEY 👏 DON’T 👏👏👏  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Besides I thought those things were water proof  
  
**KILLUA:**  
They’re, like, very light splash resistance  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Suffice to say that I take it off when I so much as wash my hands  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Smh coward  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Maybe it’d be waterproof if you trained it more  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IT’S NOT ADAPTABLE, IKALGO. IT’S A WATCH.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
NOT 👏 WITH 👏 THAT 👏 ATTITUDE 👏 IT 👏 ISN’T 👏👏👏  
  
**KILLUA:**  
yoU’RE NOT HELPING MY BLOOD PRESSURE, IKALGO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
HELPING WITH YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE ISN’T IN MY CONTRACT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHAT CONTRACT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway, I’ll keep you posted. Dolphins at noon.  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Got it. Dolphins at noon.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dolphins. At. Noon.  
  


**Thursday,** 11:56 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m-  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Oh no what happened  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon started crying over the sea lions and we’re gonna miss the dolphins they’re on the complete opposite side of this level  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Why is he crying over sea lions?!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I DON’T KNOW  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Tbh he’s kinda cute when he cries  
  
**IKALGO:**  
STOP MAKING HIM CRY  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’M NOT MAKING HIM CRY  
  
**KILLUA:**  
This isn’t to say I ENJOY when he cries I’m not a sadist  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But, like, if there are ugly cries in the world, then there has to be cute criers  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Literally W H A T  
  
**IKALGO:**  
DON’T LEAVE ME HANGING. ELABORATE.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sorry we were getting our seats  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know how to explain it, dude! It’s just a theory!  
  
**IKALGO:**  
What’s the difference  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t know  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Now I’m intrigued take a picture  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not TAKING A PICTURE OF HIM CRYING  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Besides he’s not even crying now  
  
**IKALGO:**  
Make him cry.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO  
  
**IKALGO:**  
BRING HIM BACK TO THE SEA LIONS COWARD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO FUCK YOU  
  
**IKALGO:**  
KILLUAAAAAAH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
🖕  
  


**Thursday,** 1:38 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
We’re on our way back!! ETA like 30min  
  
**GON:**  
Ok!  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
How was it??  
  
**GON:**  
SO GOOD  
  
**GON:**  
I LOVED ALL THE ANIMALS. ALL OF THEM.  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
LOL I’m glad :D  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Yeah I wasn’t really sure if an aquarium was the right place so I’m glad it worked out!  
  
**GON:**  
😊❤️  
  
**GON:**  
Next time we ALL gotta go  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Lol sure dude whatever you want  
  


**Thursday,** 1:40 PM  
**ALLUKA:**  
On our way! How was it? Be honest.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Exhausted  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I feel like I aged seven years  
  
**ALLUKA:**  
Good 😈 Did you have fun tho  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Too much of it.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ll tell you about it later  
  



	28. House Special Designated Driver Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CAN'T FIX THE TEXT GLITCH WHERE IT SAYS "KILLUA:" INSTEAD OF "Guys?" SO JUST PRETEND THAT SPEECH BUBBLE IS FINE. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
> 
> This chapter is an early bday present to Fio in case I don't finish the next chapter in time for her birthday :D Or maybe she'll get two chapters dedicated to her WHO KNOWS.
> 
> ALSO, I commissioned a drawing of Gon and Killua from BroRhap!! PLZ [GO GIVE TELIIVISION SOME LOVE](https://twitter.com/teliivision) Ever since I found their account, I just see BroRhap Gon and Killua in their art :D SO I HAD TO.  
> [](https://twitter.com/teliivision)

**Color Code:**  
Killua  
  
Gon  
  
Alluka  
  
Zushi  
  
Ikalgo  
  
Leorio  
  
Kurapika  
  


**Tuesday,** 9:54 AM  
**KILLUA:**  
Do you smell that?  
  
**GON:**  
No what does it smell like  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s like…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Something burning?  
  
**LEORIO:**  
O Alluka’s vent is connected to the kitchen  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Kurapika’s probably making breakfast  
  
**GON:**  
No Kurapika’s name wasn’t on the meal list today  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yall rotate meal responsibilities?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I’m not very good at it…  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah and Kurapika’s the best at it so I’m surprised he’s burning stuff…  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Guys I’m barely awake  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
Hi Kurapika :D  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Wait  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Where's Alluka?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Still asleep  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I thought Miss Mito would cook for you guys?  
  
**GON:**  
HA  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Why would she do that? She works all the time  
  
**KURAPIKA:**  
Yeah breadwinner  
  
**LEORIO:**  
Yeah she's the breadwinner of the household  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah usually it’s Leorio or Kurapika  
  
**GON:**  
Are you POSITIVE you aren’t cooking right now Leorio  
  
**LEORIO:**  
WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?  
  
**GON:**  
I DON'T KNOW, WHY WOULD YOU?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I just went downstairs and Miss Mito’s in the kitchen?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Guys?  
  


Alluka startled awake to the sound of Gon screaming from the stairs down the hallway. She jackknifed up from her bed and flung the blankets off even before the cause of the yelling was proclaimed.

“ _Ma’s cooking again!_ ”

The panic she and everyone else felt before was nothing compared to this.

“Shit,” Alluka, Leorio, and Kurapika all said as they lunged from their beds and escaped from their rooms.

As they did, Gon went flying down the steps five at a time, stumbling and tumbling over his feet. He belly-flopped against the railing and twisted over it while Killua watched, horrified, from the safety of the living room. Gon flopped over, one hand hooked on the railing so that when he fell, he did so slowly and painfully with his back scraping up along the railing ledge long before his feet ever made contact.

Killua grimaced.

“What’s so bad about Miss Mito cooking?” Killua said. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that his family hired chefs to cook for them all through grade school thus far, but he wasn’t exactly equipped to cook at his age. The most he could make was toast and ramen if he was seriously desperate, so the thought of Gon, Kurapika, Leorio, and Alluka fending for themselves was bizarre.

“You don’t understand,” Gon insisted, hair still wild from having shot out of bed like a bat out of hell. He pushed his hair back from his face, leaving it askew above his brow, eyes crazed. “I knew we were low on groceries but I didn’t think it was _this_ bad.”

“What do you mean?” Killua said. He could hear the others on a rampage to the family room and kitchen where Mito was sifting through all the shit she had pulled out from the refrigerator. There wasn’t much.

“When we’re low on groceries,” Gon explained, “and no one wants to cook ‘cause there aren’t any ingredients that fit together, she slops it all together in a pot.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Killua said.

“It’s so that we aren’t being—”

“ _Wasteful_ ,” Miss Mito ridiculed from the kitchen, a sour look on her face. She glared at Gon, who flinched. “You leave half a thimble of ketchup in the bottle—what do you expect?”

“To— _consolidate_ with the _new ketchup_ after we go _shopping!_ ” Kurapika snapped from the stairs, hands on his hips.

He and Miss Mito stared each other down, glaring, as Mito tipped the ketchup bottle upside down and smacked it once, twice, three times while they all watched and flinched in horror. What remained of the ketchup splattered into the bottom of a pot that consisted of water, dry black beans, and what Killua could only describe as molasses.

“You’re the bane of my existence,” Kurapika seethed.

Miss Mito rolled her eyes, laughed good-naturedly, and said, “It’s all _food_ and it goes to the same place!”

“I’d rather eat _grass—_ ”

“Then you better eat grass then, young man!” Miss Mito shouted as she dropped an entire frozen slab of chicken into the boiling pot.

“I’m about to throw up,” Alluka groaned, clutching at her stomach. More discretely, she whispered to Killua and Leorio, “We are _not_ eating that, are we?”

“We need to go grocery shopping,” Leorio decided, and immediately divvied up the tasks. They were all in a tizzy. Killua distinctly felt like they were preparing to go on vacation and—did everyone have their swimsuits? Don’t forget your hiking shoes! And remember to water the plants before we go—

“Kurapika and I will go to the store, which means Gon can’t come and someone needs to stay and make sure Miss Mito doesn’t burn the place down—”

“I’ll burn your face down if you keep that up!” Miss Mito growled back, jabbing a wooden spoon in their direction. They all huddled together. Alluka clung to Killua’s arm.

_Well, seems like we can’t stop her from cooking_ , Killua determined, which was promptly followed by another idea.

“Is there someone who _can_ stop her?” he whispered into their little huddle.

Kurapika hummed, a finger to his lips. He squinted at Killua and said, “You might be on to something…”

“What? What’s he onto?” Gon whispered.

Alluka gasped. “That’s brilliant!”

“What?! What’s brilliant?!” Gon cried.

“Okay, new plan,” Leorio decided, and Gon threw his hands down with a groan. “Same as before, but Gon and Killua—You two get Knuckle over here ASAP.”

Killua nodded and Gon took to squinting suspiciously at Leorio. As Leorio finished up dividing up the tasks, Gon missed his chance to riot. They put their hands in the middle and shouted, “ _Break!_ ” and took off in opposite directions.

Killua grabbed Gon by the hand and heaved him towards the door. He wrestled Gon to the foyer, pushing on his back with both hands as Gon dug his feet into the wood and threw his head back, groaning in contempt. “I don’t _wanna—!_ ” he whined.

“Oh, lighten up. Just think about it: If they get married, you get to dance to ABBA and that song you keep playing on repeat. I bet they’d even let you play it while they’re walkin’ down the aisle,” Killua said.

Gon groaned, but started muttering the lyrics under his breath as he tied his shoelaces, shaking his flat ass to the tune of, “ _It’s goin’ down… I’m yelling timber…_ ” His depressed vocals picked up the second the two of them escaped the sour smell in the house and dashed across the yard.

There was a massive oak tree out front of Knuckle’s yard that the previous owners had tied a rope swing to. Gon jumped onto the wooden plank seat, swinging forward and vaulting off at the peak. He starfished in the air, scream-singing, “ _Swing your partner ‘round and ‘round!_ ” He landed, feet braced far apart, and started shimmying in circles while Killua tried herding him to Knuckle’s garage door. “ _End of the night—it’s goin’ down—one more shot—another round—_ ”

“Alright, move it, Pitbull,” Killua said.

At Knuckle’s garage, Gon hefted Killua up via hugging him around his knees so he was practically sitting on Gon’s shoulder, high enough to peer through the garage window. He cupped his hands against the glass as best he could as Gon teetered beneath him. He swayed to the side, squinting past the dust. The place was empty, and he knew for a fact that Knuckle only had one pair of shoes—a pair of hefty worker boots that Gon described as “Fashionable”—and they were gone.

“He’s not home,” Killua said. Gon dropped him back onto the concrete, and Killua staggered to catch his balance.

“Darn, I bet he’s at the Doghouse,” Gon said, hands on his hips.

Kurapika’s car started up in Miss Mito’s driveway. As Kurapika and Leorio took off for the store, Killua turned to Gon and said, “Well, Doghouse isn’t too far away. We could take the bikes and hitch a ride with Knuckle after?”

Gon put a finger to his chin and thought deeply on it. He gasped, Killua startled, and Gon went back to scowling, lips pursed, staring off into space. And then, he raised a finger. Killua raised an eyebrow. Gon’s expression flattened, unimpressed, and went back to thinking.

Gon tipped his head curiously to the side. “What was I supposed to do again?” he said, and spun round in circles like the answer was anywhere else. He stopped at the sight of Miss Mito’s house. “Oh! Bikes! The skatepark! Parkour—and then— _Doghouse_ to pick up Knuckle!”

“Yes to step one and four,” Killua said, but Gon was already sprinting to the garage.

After snagging Kurapika’s bike (Leorio’s was too tall for Killua), Killua sped off after Gon in the direction of the park, which was just a brief detour that took them on a speed-run through the skatepark. Killua watched from the fence while Gon went apeshit buck wild in the bowl before popping out the other end and careening on his derpy trick bike onto the boulevard.

They were a block away from the Doghouse when Gon recognized Knuckle’s truck in a parking lot that was _not_ at his place of work.

“Oh, that’s Netero’s place, isn’t it?” Killua said, looking to Gon.

“Yeah. Let’s go in,” Gon said.

“We—! We can’t _go in_!” Killua hissed, but Gon was already finagling the bike wheels over the boulevard’s grassy knoll and speeding over the other side. “Gon!” Killua cried, but followed anyway. “We’re barely seventeen—we can’t go into a fucking bar at ten in the morning—”

Gon tossed the trick bike into the back of Knuckle’s pickup truck, and Killua reluctantly followed suit.

Netero’s bar was a staple in town for spectacular old fashions, magnificent Moscow mules, and bloodies that you wouldn’t believe (not that Killua knew). His mom had a picture of her and his father mounted within the patchwork of photographs on the walls inside of her shotgunning a beer _back in the day_ from on top of the bar.

Killua squinted at it after finding it near the street window.

The bar was empty and the chairs were all turned up on the tables—all except for three bar stools that remained occupied. There sat Knuckle and two men Killua recognized: Mackernasey and Mr. Knov.

Morel Mackernasey was the football coach for Ren High School.

Mr. Knov was an English teacher at Ren High School.

Gon approached the two of them and said, “Hey, Knuckle?”

Knuckle turned to him, completely sober, and shushed him. Beside him, Mackernasey was passed-the-fuck-out and Knov was nursing a killer hangover, glasses on the counter, and his hand over his eyes.

Gon grimaced and whispered, “Sorry.”

Killua crossed the bar, hands in his pockets, and peered around the corner into the kitchen. The place was dead quiet all except for Mackernasey snoring.

_This is so odd_ , Killua thought, but he supposed he had seen teachers out drinking in the past. He remembered spotting one of his old elementary school teachers doing shots last New Years during Old Peoples’ New Years at 5PM sharp. His mom couldn’t stomach midnight anymore.

“What’re you kids doing here?” Knuckle asked in a whisper, hooking an arm over the back of his bar stool.

“Looking for you,” Gon said. “My aunt’s cooking right now.”

“Oh, I heard that isn’t too great of a thing,” Knuckle laughed.

Gon groaned, falling to his knees dramatically. “She’s trying to _poison us!_ You gotta help us!”

“I gotta play DD for Netero,” Knuckle said. “The old man beat Mackernasey and Knov at beer pong, can you believe it?”

“Netero must be lit as hell right about now,” Killua muttered under his breath, and Knuckle snapped his fingers in Killua’s direction and said, “ _Bingo_. Hence the designated driver situation.”

“Well, how far could they live?” Gon said.

“Opposite sides of town,” Killua said. Knuckle rose an eyebrow at him. Killua pursed his lips and shrugged. “I’ve seen Mackernasey’s place and I had Knov for Advanced English. He complained about the commute once.”

“I could drive Mackernasey and you can drive Knov,” Gon suggested to Knuckle, and before Killua could remind everyone that Gon didn’t have his license, Knuckle and Gon shook on it.

Knuckle held onto Gon’s hand and gave him a tug. “But first—You got a dollar bill?”

Gon dug around in his pockets while Killua rolled his eyes. Knuckle hopped off his stool and hurried around the bar to dig up an old plastic pitcher that had certainly seen better days. It was stuffed with dollar bills and, when Gon produced a dollar and stuffed it inside, Knuckle whisked up a craps stick—a long, thin wooden stick with a flat hooked end.

He gave the hooked end a tap on a blackboard mounted above the back of the bar. There, in blue chalk, were handful of numbers. “Roll ‘em, kid. You get two shots,” Knuckle said.

Gon gathered up the dice into the cup like he had played the game before. Intrigued, Killua peered between the spokes of the upside-down bar stools and watched as Gon shook the dice cup around in a circle, over his head, and did a little dance while Knuckle changed, “Hell—yeah—hell—yeah—hell—yeah—ey!”

The dice went sprawling across the countertop. Knuckle stopped one from tipping off via the craps stick. Another rebounded off of Mackernasey’s unconscious head.

“One, two, three matched up. Two more to go, kid,” Knuckle said, sweeping the two offending dice back to Gon.

Gon gave them another shimmy. He dropped them onto the bar and the three of them stared at the numbers. Gon let out a distressed moan.

“Hey, they can’t all be winners,” Knuckle said, and presented Gon with a bow. “Thanks for adding to the pot.”

“Can I give it a shot?” Killua asked—he was sure he had a dollar. It might have been in quarters, though.

Knuckle gestured for Killua to present his money to the dealer. Sure enough, he had a dollar bill in a pocket he hadn’t predicted. Knuckle instructed he tent it on the bar so that he could sweep it up with the hooked stick and stuff it into the plastic pitcher. He nudged the cup of dice over to Killua.

Killua shook the dice up and around like he was mixing a drink while Knuckle and Gon quietly chanted, “Hell—yeah—hell—yeah—hell—yeah—ey!”

The dice scattered across the countertop.

Knuckle counted them out.

“One, two, three—four, five matches! Holy shit!” Knuckle cried at the top of his lungs, startling Knov.

“What, what is it now?” Knov said, voice rough and groggy.

Gon tackled Killua into a hug, swinging onto his back until Killua was forced to give him a piggy-back ride while Knuckle dumped out the pitcher contents and counted the winnings up for him.

Knuckle was in a state of disbelief. “I’ve never seen _anyone_ , in all my years of existence, win the Shake of the Day in one roll,” he said, looking up at Killua with wide, marveling eyes.

Killua shrugged, laughing as Knuckle presented him with $98 like a knight to a king. When Knuckle straightened, he amended himself.

“Wait—that was a lie. A big fat lie,” he said, waving a dismissive hand. He leant forward, arms folded on the bar as he explained, “When I was a kid, I used to pick my dad up from a bar downtown whenever dinner was ready. Saw someone win one of those times.”

“Awesome,” Killua laughed.

Mr. Knov shook a finger in his direction, a hand still over his eyes, “I’d take a look at those bills—thought I saw something special in there.”

Curious, Killua started flitting through them. As he did, Knuckle looked back at Mr. Knov and said, “Oh, right, Netero needed change last week. There’s a twenty in there that used to be taped to the wall down at Yorkshire’s.”

Killua presented the twenty, which Gon swiped from him. Killua readjusted his arms underneath Gon’s legs as Gon read off the blue, nearly illegible signature on the bill followed by a phone number.

“Who’s number is this?” Gon asked, holding the bill out.

“Couldn’t tell ya,” Knuckle confessed.

“A celebrity, I think,” Knov said. “A musician of some kind… Stopped by after a concert or something-or-other.”

Gon gasped, as if he knew the exact musician they were talking about. “Awesome,” he breathed, amazed. He went to hand it back to Killua.

“Nah, you can hang onto it,” Killua said. “We gotta get moving now before Miss Mito burns the house down.”

Knuckle grimaced. “Shit. Right. Knov—”

“On it,” Knov sighed, and jostled Mackernasey awake.

Killua and Gon aided Mackernasey’s exit from the bar, each designated an arm with which to steady the beast of a man. Knuckle directed them to his pickup truck, saying, “Y’all take my car. Don’t know if Knov wants you two bumming around in his vehicle.”

Mr. Knov scoffed, his footsteps wobbling on the sidewalk. “Not that I don’t trust you kids… but I don’t trust you…”

“No hard feelings, Mr. Knov,” Killua said. “I’ll see you next semester, probably.”

“Very likely,” Mr. Knov said, saluting him before ducking into the passenger’s seat of his own car.

Mackernasey settled in the middle seat of Knuckle’s pickup truck. Killua got behind the wheel, feeling significantly distant from the pedals as he shut the door and sifted through Knuckle’s key ring. Gon shut the passenger door and leant over, hands perched under his legs.

“Do you know how to drive this?” Gon asked.

“I think so,” Killua said. “Weird that the stick is here… Why are there so many slots?”

Mackernasey wiggled a finger at the PRNDL stick. “Manual, kid. Stick shift.”

Killua’s heart plummeted all the way to his stomach. He’d never driven stick shift before in his life.

“Stick shift?” Gon repeated, brow furrowed.

“I don’t know how to drive stick,” Killua confessed.

Mackernasey gave a dismissive wave of his hand and said, “I’ll tell you. Put the… pedal. The clutch—all the way to the floor. Left foot, kid.”

Killua did, and soon, he was turning the ignition on, pressing down on the brake, and shifting to first gear. They eased away from the curb while Killua endured a mini heart attack the second Mackernasey instructed that he go to second gear.

_This was not how I planned to spend my Saturday morning_ , he thought as they coasted down the boulevard, jerking between gears, heads jostling like bobbleheads in the front seat.

It wasn’t until they reached Mackernasey’s home that Killua realized that they wouldn’t have an instructor for the ride home.

It was bittersweet watching Mackernasey fumble with his keys while Killua and Gon watched from Knuckle’s truck. When Mackernasey was safely inside, Killua turned to Gon and said, “I don’t know if we’ll make it back home without fucking up Knuckle’s engine.”

Gon settled in, kicked his feet up on the dash, and said, “Nah, you got it. That was super easy, right?”

“That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life,” Killua said. “Chemistry was easier than this.”

“It’s like playing the piano.”

“It’s _nothing_ like playing the piano. You don’t even know what you’re talking about—you can’t even _drive_.”

“Details,” Gon said dismissively.

Killua glared at him and set to work. One step at a time, one gear at a time…

They were screaming like banshees through every stop sign.

By the time they reached their street, Killua was going thirty-five around the corner and sending the bikes in the back clattering against the side of the truck bed. They careened up along the curb, slamming on the brakes, and gasping with relief that they survived. Killua put the car in park and the gear back down. Gon was holding onto him for dear life, not even wearing a seatbelt.

Knuckle was just hopping out of Mr. Knov’s car and throwing his arms up. “Hey! You two made it!” he said.

_Barely!_ Killua cried internally.

Killua and Gone exited the truck on shaky sea-legs. Killua resisted the urge to hurl, one hand braced against the hood, the other on his hip. He handed the keys off when Knuckle passed him, and Knuckle gave him a firm clap on the shoulder.

“Nice job. I didn’t know you could drive stick,” he said.

“Neither did I,” Killua said.

A moment later, Kurapika and Leorio came speeding up the driveway, clocking thirty up until an inch before Miss Mito’s garage door. Kurapika flew out of the driver’s side, leaving a disoriented and slightly nauseous Leorio in the passenger’s seat.

Killua, Gon, and Knuckle helped bring groceries into the house. The entire back seat and trunk of Kurapika’s car were full of grocery bags, which hung from Leorio’s arms like clothes on a rack. They could hear the fire alarm beeping all the way from the driveway.

Leorio side-stepped into the house, arms stretched off to the sides. Alluka had all of the windows and doors thrown open and, in the middle of the room, Miss Mito was waving a pillow by the alarm. It was too high to reach the off switch.

“What is _going on_ in here?” Knuckle called out above the sound of the alarm that quit blaring a second later.

Miss Mito startled with a scream, jerking away and around in a circle in search of the origin of Knuckle’s voice. She was still in her pajamas—buffalo plaid and hair the size of a Pomeranian.

“Knuckle! What the _hell’re_ you doing here?” she shouted above the ruckus caused by the rest of them unloading the groceries.

“Oh, the kids invited me,” Knuckle said, gesturing to Gon, who turned on him and shouted, “No I didn’t! Stop lying!” to which Alluka let out a startled laugh while Killua hid his laugh behind his hand.

Miss Mito fretted her hands around the pillow she had used to wave the smoke around. “Oh, they did, huh?” she said, smiling and almost breathless. When Leorio passed behind her, she whacked him with the pillow without batting an eye or even looking. The pillow _thwacked!_ him in the chest.

Leorio grunted, clasping at his heart.

Knuckle laughed and said, “Yeah, I heard we’re making pancakes with…”

“Blueberries,” Kurapika said.

Knuckle snapped his fingers. “Yes, that’s it. Blueberry pancakes.”

“Oh! With chocolate chips!” Alluka chimed in.

“Blueberry pancakes,” Miss Mito repeated, and it looked like she was about to rupture a blood vessel. “But we should be getting rid of all the old shit in the refrigerator—”

All the kids froze, horrified.

Knuckle raised his hands, almost in surrender, and said, “I’ll make sure to do that. You just, um—You and Gon should go take care of Milkweed! I’ll put everything for the pancakes together. No leftovers.”

Gon started herding Miss Mito to the door. Miss Mito resisted, a little, but eventually relented to Gon’s pushing.

The instant they were out of the door, Knuckle clapped his hands, gestured to the bin, and said, “Throw it all out. All of it— _now._ ”

“Go, go, go!” Leorio cried, thrusting the top off of the trash bin as Kurapika grabbed the pot on the stove with two gloved hands. Alluka helped scraped the charred gunk from inside into the trash.

“Did she cook for Gon before y’all showed up?” Knuckle asked as he sifted through the cabinets. Leorio presented him with a pan for pancakes and a bowl for the ingredients.

“Sort of?” Kurapika said, frowning, uncertain.

Knuckle rose an eyebrow. “And he’s okay? Like, he’s healthy?”

“I mean, you’ve seen him. He’s fine,” Alluka said, gesturing to the patio door.

Gon did a backflip off of the deck railing and stuck the landing. Milkweed did a gleeful jump-kick in reply.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” they all concluded, and went about their business of making “chicken-ketchup-black-bean”-blueberry pancakes.

When the pancakes were done and served, they all ate outside on paper plates around the deck. On the deck steps, Miss Mito hummed, pointed to her share of pancakes, and said, “I’ve never had chicken pancakes that taste _this_ good.”

Knuckle hummed from where he was leaning against the railing beside her and said, “You have a very refined palette.”

Between them, Gon stuck a finger down his throat and pretended to gag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [TELIIVISION'S TWITTER](https://twitter.com/teliivision)
> 
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/cornikinks) :D


	29. Just an average day in the life of the lads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A philosophical discussion on drugs, religion, and long showers. Based on a true story.

**Tuesday,** 10:47 PM  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Serious query for you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think it’s about time I’ve asked  
  
**GON:**  
Oh my god I thought you’d never ask  
  
**GON:**  
Yes I’ll marry you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What? No that isn’t  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We’re sixteen  
  
**GON:**  
Your point darling? 😘  
  
**GON:**  
Never too young to be in loOoOove  
  
**GON:**  
AH ALLUKA JUST RAN IN AND SMACKED ME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Because I told her to  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway  
  
**GON:**  
Do you not love me? 😥  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
We are not having this discussion right now!  
  
**GON:**  
😔 ok  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Don’t lowercase “ok” me  
  
**GON:**  
Ok 😔  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Gon you rat  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t believe in the L word  
  
**GON:**  
You what  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t believe in it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It’s lost its significance for me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Actions speak louder than words, that sort of thing  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
SO WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME IS THAT I HAVE TO START READING BODY LANGUAGE?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I MEAN, DON’T YOU USUALLY?  
  
**GON:**  
NO!  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I-  
  
**GON:**  
Alright fine, I’ll accept this answer but only if you TELL ME the next time I should read into something GOT IT?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fine alright  
  
**GON:**  
And it’s GOTTA BE A MOMENT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah, as I said, actions… words… that sort of thing  
  
**GON:**  
Ok but AFTER The Moment you gotta TELL ME STRAIGHT UP.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YES, I ALREADY SAID YES.  
  
**GON:**  
Ok good  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Geez  
  
**GON:**  
Now what were you gonna ask me  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh shit right  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I was gonna ask about you and Chrollo’s gang  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like… SPECIFICS  
  
**GON:**  
Oh  
  
**GON:**  
In that case I change my mind  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GON  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How bad is it? Like, did y’all kill someone and bury the body?  
  
**GON:**  
Pff no we didn’t kill anyone  
  
**GON:**  
Wait, did we? 😳  
  
**GON:**  
That night… it was all a blur…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I am this close 👌 to beating you over the head with a hammer  
  
**GON:**  
UGH, IT WASN’T EVEN THAT BAD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
On a scale of 1-10, how bad.  
  
**GON:**  
I’d give it, like…  
  
**GON:**  
Wait you’re gonna have to be more specific  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like, one is petty differing of opinions i.e. milk before the cereal. Ten is murder.  
  
**GON:**  
Where does snitching fall under that scale  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Probably like a seven depending on what the snitching is for  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did someone get busted for drugs and snitched on you??  
  
**GON:**  
Uh…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my god you’re joking  
  
**GON:**  
It’s kinda worse…  
  
**GON:**  
I feel like I gotta show you the scene of the crime  
  
**GON:**  
I actually have photos from those days  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Send em over  
  
**GON:**  
[ Image of a ratty-looking guy holding up a peace sign ]  
  
**GON:**  
This is Hazama he graduated like, two years ago?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wasn’t he at The Hunt  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**GON:**  
Kinda weird now that I think about it…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah that’s super weird  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Anyway  
  
**GON:**  
Anyways!  
  
**GON:**  
Hazama used to live nearby and his parents didn’t really care what we did? So we usually smoked over there… He was Chrollo’s dealer originally and, like, his older brother, like, whatever WHATEVER, ANYWAY  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Sure  
  
**GON:**  
YEAH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m following, continue  
  
**GON:**  
UH, SO HAZAMA kinda moved away to college and the weed was just THERE. At his parents place.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like…  
  
**GON:**  
Like, the plants.  
  
**GON:**  
All of the marijuana plants  
  
**KILLUA:**  
UM  
  
**GON:**  
Are you still with me?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I think I know exactly where this is going  
  
**GON:**  
Ok good cuz this is where the convertible comes in  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Excuse me?  
  
**GON:**  
Chrollo owns a miata  
  
**GON:**  
You know, those small little guys? He’s got one. It fits, like, three people with difficulty  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ah  
  
**GON:**  
Three people and a shit ton of marijuana plants  
  
**GON:**  
We devised a plan to invade Hazama’s family’s backyard, dig up all the plants, and then SCATTER. Except we were TOO LOUD AND HIS PARENTS THOUGHT WE WERE BURGLARS. THEY CALLED THE COPS ON US SO WE RAN WITH OUR ARMS FULL OF MARIJUANA PLANTS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
OH MY GOD  
  
**GON:**  
THERE WAS DIRT AND PLANTS EVERYWHERE IN THE MIATA I SMELLED LIKE POT FOR WEEEEEKS but that’s besides the point. The cops showed up as we were making our grand escape. I’M ALREADY ILLEGALLY SITTING IN THIS TWO-PERSON MIATA. CHROLLO FLOORS IT. MARIJUANA GOES EVERYWHERE DOWN THE HIGHWAY WITH THE COPS CHASING US DOWN. But I don’t know if you remember that pond you fondled some frogs at  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I know exactly the spot  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah, well, THE COPS DON’T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Jesus Christ  
  
**GON:**  
CHROLLO MAKES A SHARP LEFT-TURN OFF THE HIGHWAY AND ONTO THIS DIRT TRACK THROUGH THE FOREST. HE TURNS OFF HIS HEADLIGHTS AND THE COPS FLY RIGHT PAST US. THEY DON’T EVEN SEE US. There’s this house connected to the pond property. Actually, the pond is ON their property now that I think of it…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So what you’re telling me is that you convinced me to trespass within our first two conversations  
  
**GON:**  
Of course  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Fair  
  
**KILLUA:**  
So then what?  
  
**GON:**  
Well, the house is super run-down and so we thought no one lived there but then CUE THE BACK LIGHT TURNING ON AND THIS OLD MAN COMES OUT.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You took the fall didn’t you  
  
**GON:**  
No but he took the plants from us in exchange for not calling the cops  
  
**GON:**  
I think Chrollo still helps him grow it to this day ngl  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What does this have to do with your fallout?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Not to be rude or anything  
  
**GON:**  
O that’s easy  
  
**GON:**  
I smelled like pot for two weeks cuz I put my clothes in the same hamper as all my other dirty clothes  
  
**GON:**  
Aunt Mito smelled it and got mad  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s it?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah but it’s kind of a wild coincidence that there happened to be a drug bust at the school the next week and everyone knew I smelled like ass cuz of the weed and all the drug dogs sniffed me out  
  
**GON:**  
Like three dogs JUMPED ME OUTTA NOWHERE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my God  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah :T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m amazed  
  
**KILLUA:**  
But you being jumped by the dogs really had nothing to do with Chrollo  
  
**GON:**  
I still smelled like ass because of him 😠  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You and your petty nature  
  
**GON:**  
Guilty 😌  
  
**GON:**  
Made me dig up pot plants and everything smh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Wait so do you have that, like, on your permanent record now?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah which is why it’s so COOL that I GOT HIRED AT THE DOGHOUSE Isn’t that neat?  
  
**GON:**  
Knuckle knows all about it he thought it was funny  
  
**KILLUA:**  
God  
  
**GON:**  
I mean, I wouldn’t go so far as to call him “God”, necessarily  
  
**KILLUA:**  
No I was just using it as a figure of expression  
  
**GON:**  
Do you believe in God?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
What the fuck?  
  
**GON:**  
That isn’t an answer  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I believe in our Lord and Savior Gerard Way does that count?  
  
**GON:**  
Mm… I’ll give it a pass  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok lit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why do you ask?  
  
**GON:**  
I just wonder who you pray to when you confess your scandalous skins  
  
**GON:**  
*sins  
  
**KILLUA:**  
SKINS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
WHY DOES THIS INTEREST YOU?  
  
**GON:**  
I’M ASKING FOR A FRIEND  
  
**GON:**  
IT’S ME. I AM THE FRIEND.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I don’t have scandalous thoughts to confess to  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m a pure soul  
  
**GON:**  
What about that time you looked at Meruem  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YOU’RE STILL THINKING ABOUT THAT?  
  
**GON:**  
MAYBE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m not even going to entertain you with an answer  
  
**GON:**  
FINE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
FINE  
  
**GON:**  
GOOD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
GOOD!  
  
**GON:**  
But seriously though I was just thinking about this time Aunt Mito and I went to church (I couldn’t even tell you what faith) and the guy at the altar was lighting the little candles and his poofy white sleeves CAUGHT ON FIRE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
HOLY SHIT  
  
**GON:**  
AAHAHA IT WAS AWESOME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
OH MY GOD  
  
**GON:**  
AAHAHA IT WAS AWESOME  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I used to go to church a lot  
  
**KILLUA:**  
’Cause Ikalgo’s family is pretty religious so I’d go to mass with them  
  
**GON:**  
Willingly?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Why are you so sassy about this XD What did church ever do to you  
  
**GON:**  
Aggravated my boredom  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Dude but Ikalgo’s family lives SUPER close to the church so we used to go skateboarding in the parking lot after  
  
**KILLUA:**  
It was pretty lit. I also really admired those guys that pass out the snacks during communion. Always wanted to be one of those guys when I was growing up  
  
**GON:**  
I might be wrong but I don’t think those were snacks  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Body and blood or something  
  
**GON:**  
Explains why it tasted so good  
  
**GON:**  
Yum  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Are you okay?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah I just like the taste of blood  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I reiterate: Are you okay?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Maybe you’re iron deficient  
  
**GON:**  
Or maybe I’m a VAMPIRE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nah I don’t think that’s it  
  
**GON:**  
Dammit  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Though that would be pretty rad  
  
**GON:**  
I KNOW RIGHT?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I gotta go in a sec  
  
**GON:**  
Aw why  
  
**GON:**  
Nooo don’t go aha  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I fucking hate you  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I gotta put together a stupid playlist for my shower tonight  
  
**GON:**  
What  
  
**KILLUA:**  
A playlist for when I take a shower  
  
**GON:**  
No, nope I heard you the first time  
  
**GON:**  
Why?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
’Cause I take really long showers? Not that deep  
  
**GON:**  
How long.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Like an hour  
  
**GON:**  
HOW.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I dunno I just sorta space out. I like showers  
  
**GON:**  
Aw that’s kinda cute  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Yeah but I get really pruny  
  
**GON:**  
Explains why your skin is so soft 😊  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Nah I don’t think that’s it  
  
**KILLUA:**  
How long are your showers?  
  
**GON:**  
3  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Three what?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Did you mean 30  
  
**GON:**  
No just 3  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Minutes?  
  
**GON:**  
Yeah  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh my God God  
  
**KILLUA:**  
*GON  
  
**GON:**  
O MY GOD GOD  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Your showers should be at LEAST ten minutes  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Especially for someone who rolls in mud as frequently as you do  
  
**GON:**  
No way. 3 is fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO IT ISN’T  
  
**KILLUA:**  
I’m sorry but I gotta call Alluka on this one  
  
**GON:**  
IT’S THE LENGTH OF ONE SONG it’s fine  
  
**KILLUA:**  
BARELY  
  
**KILLUA:**  
That’s it I’m calling her  
  
**GON:**  
NO DON’T TELL HER ABOUT MY HYGIENE ISSUES  
  
**KILLUA:**  
SO YOU AGREE IT’S AN ISSUE?  
  
**GON:**  
I NEVER SAID THAT  
  
**KILLUA:**  
[ Screenshot of Gon’s message that says “NO DON’T TELL HER ABOUT MY HYGIENE ISSUES ]  
  
**GON:**  
I hate you  
  
**GON:**  
I’M NOT CHANGING MY ROUTINE  
  
**KILLUA:**  
IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD  
  
**GON:**  
FINE, THEN YOU GOTTA TAKE SHORTER SHOWERS  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NO WAY! My showers are different  
  
**GON:**  
NUH UH  
  
**KILLUA:**  
YEAH THEY ARE I get all my thinking done in the shower  
  
**GON:**  
I DON’T CARE reduce the time by ten minutes every time you take a shower  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ugh  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Five minutes  
  
**GON:**  
Eight  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Six  
  
**GON:**  
Deal  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Ok now I seriously need to go  
  
**GON:**  
Ok then I’ll talk to you in exactly 54 minutes  
  
**GON:**  
Or else I’m coming over there  
  
**KILLUA:**  
Oh, and what’re you gonna do, break into my shower?  
  
**KILLUA:**  
You know what, don’t answer that.  
  
**KILLUA:**  
54 minutes EXACTLY  
  
**GON:**  
Starting…  
  
**KILLUA:**  
NOW  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kornspiracy) | [Discord](https://discord.gg/SuzhFPZZS2)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Make out with me then shoot me in the chest and walk away](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24262897) by [AngrySheepProject](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngrySheepProject/pseuds/AngrySheepProject)
  * [started with a very excited hi in an instagram dm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24963739) by [mmdkillua](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmdkillua/pseuds/mmdkillua)




End file.
